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Author Topic: Wife’s Past

November 13, 2019, 12:57:28 PM
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My issue is I’ve been with my wife 22 years married for 19. We are both in our 40’s and have a teenage daughter. An underlying issue that I have had is my wife is the 4th women I’ve been with sexually, she’s been with 20 that I know of and believe more but she says she don’t know an exact number and doesn’t want to talk about it. Which I have some retroactive jealousy toward. With that being said we have sex about once a week. And on her part it’s usually forced like let’s do it and get it over with. Which drives me nuts! She will never initiate sex ever! And when we do have sex there is absolutely no oral anymore either way and I’m more than willing, she will just lay there not make a sound or even move a muscle! Than roll over like nothing and go to sleep. After that I’m more frustrated than I was before I got any.I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but we both work full time her job is more stress than mine I understand that. I will do housework, cook dinner, wash clothes and run errands while she does her take home work. I have no issue with this I like to eat and have clean clothes and a clean house and it’s both of our responsibility to do this. I’m affectionate I will give her a back rub almost every morning before work and sometimes at night. To get her to hold my hand give a hug or a kiss is pulling teeth! And I do know she loves me. But it kills your self esteem when you get rejected constantly! Than she gets mad because I bring up that she has had so many lovers before me that now sex isn’t special, it doesn’t mean anything to her. She says no it’s just she has things on her mind and she’s tired and sex isn’t as important “been there done that” she says. I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do, I’m a young guy very much into sex not the type to cheat, don’t need crazy sex everyday 3 times a day. But twice a week with some passion would mean a great deal. Am I being selfish? Should her past really bother me?

November 14, 2019, 04:27:59 AM
Reply #1

Captain Black

I think what your going though isn't uncommon in some relationships including my own some years ago. I am assuming that there are no medical issues here.   Assuming that to be the case , it needs IMO  get that spark reignited or Va Va Voom back into the relationship . I am assuming that your teenage daughter is perhaps of an age were she can be left in the house if need be and probably has a rich social life herself.

At the moment as I see it your partner  just goes through the motions of sex in the hope that it satisfies you . This sounds all too familiar with my own situation  some years ago . We started going out on Date nights at least once a week . We revisited pubs and restaurants that we used to frequent in our early dating days . We would also go for weekends away to get away from the stresses and strains of the working week. We would also dress to impress each other and my partner would wear her best lingerie underneath her outfits. Eventually it got to the stage were we couldn't keep our hands off each other. So my advice would be to try something like this and just forget about sex for a while but think of romance. A lot of women enjoy being romanced . The sex will eventually return.

November 17, 2019, 09:14:00 PM
Reply #2


So i'm not going to address the lack of sex but rather the retroactive jealousy as that's an issue I understand because I dealt with it when starting my relationship with the woman I'm with. The hard truth is you just have to be okay with it and understand that the past is the past and her present and future lie with you.  The woman I am with and love dearly has had a slew of sexual partners including having slept with some pornstars as well. Let me tell you I was super self conscious because I've had maybe 7 total sexual partners but compared to her i'm almost virginal. It was a big cliff to climb to not be jealous or bring it up but I realized one night that I was the one she chose to be with. Not the other guys and women but me. I was the one she decided to fall in love and share her life with. You need to come to that realization and then you won't be jealous anymore. As far as the lack of sex you may need to talk to a sex counselor and find out what's going on. It could be menopause or something that has her libido slowing down. Thankfully my woman can't get enough of me lolz.


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