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Author Topic: Why can't my girlfriend just love me, and keep her sexual cravings to herself?

February 09, 2020, 08:04:56 AM
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XAXIL


Seriously, I don't understand this. I have been telling my girlfriend a lot of times, that I am not a big fan of sex. I find it kind of repulsive, and I know one thing about sexual temptations, which is that it's a distraction from love. When you're thinking too much about sex, it distracts you so much, that you can't really concentrate about true non-sexual and emotional love. And this is not to be confused with non-sexual affection such as kissing, spooning and being close in general. To me, all of those things are indeed important in a relationship, and the only true physical signs of love. Being in love draws you to kissing and touching. Being horny draws you into sex. That's the difference. Sex is not a part of love, and that's just how I see it. Period.

So I am not a big fan of sex, and I would be most happy and joyful if we could just avoid having sex at all. And she is now complaining to me about being in "dryspell", accusing me of making her infertile, and many other stupid overhyped things. I really don't see the problem. If she is lacking sexual pleasure, why can't she just masturbate and not involve me into it? I told her this, and she says she doesn't masturbate, because she can't. I really don't get it. This is how I deal with my own sexual temptations, and this is how I have always done it. And I am sure this is not only possible because I am a guy. Girls can give themselves the same pleasure... I don't interfere with my love life when I do so, I do it on my own, I don't tell anyone about it, and then I just feel relieved, so I can proceed to be in love with my girl without sexual distractions ruining the experience for me. It's that simple.

If I have thoughts about sex in my head when I am close to her, I won't feel that same feeling of peace and love when I am next to her. It should make sense to anyone reading this.

I told her that sex is not a part of love in my world, and that she really needs to get this into her head, and learn how to love me for who I am, and how I am not interested in sex. I even told her we could have sex if she really wanted us to occasionally, such as once per week, (according to a survey on google, this is the average frequency sexually active people have sex) but that she shouldn't expect me to personally feel anything special about it, because I am not into it, and because it is not a loving activity to me. What I don't understand is why she can't just say "Okay" and be fine? Seriously? If she is such an addict, then there's a bathroom in our house she can go to while bringing her phone whenever she needs to relieve herself... I don't have a problem with that! Everyone masturbates. And it's also something she could just be doing. And I wouldn't mind. It's like she doesn't see the option, even though it is so obvious.

And also, she even told me stories of people she know who have sex several times a day, claiming that this is normal. And I really don't believe that this is normal. How can anyone possibly love each other, if they have sex several times a day? This is shocking. If you have sex several times a day, then you are just sexual partners, and nothing else. When you are SOOOOO obsessed with sex, it will obviously ruin your ability to feel loving and peaceful, because you're all in for your next sexfix, and it's always on your mind. I feel like this is the kind of obsession my girlfriend is having. She doesn't think clearly, she doesn't see the idea of two people simply loving each other, and not thinking about fucking each other constantly. Plus the fact, that if you have sex several times a day, you won't even be able to feel anything. How is that even possible? The sex will become such a boring and useless routine that it is not even enjoyable anymore, and you'll become numb.
My girlfriend doesn't realize that she is the one with the problem here... And HOPEFULLY, you guys do. My biggest fear right now, is for you guys to start defending my girlfriend. I am not interested in being with someone who always sees me as a sex-object, and that I also have to think sexually about everyday. It would make my love for her completely numb, because there would only be one thing in my mind everyday: sex. This is not something I wish in a relationship for obvious reasons. I want a real and mature loving relationship with emotions and true feelings. Not just sex, sex, sex and sex.

My goal:
She needs to get it into her head, that sex is not important in love, and that me and her can be perfectly happy together without too much of it. If we do it occasionally, it will be fine with me, but only sometimes. She needs to get it into her head, that if I touch her and I kiss her, then it's love and affection, and not an attempt to be sexual with her. And she needs to learn how to simply enjoy kissing and touching without making it a sexual thing in her head.

And the help I need from you guys is to tell me, how I can achieve this goal, and make her come back to her senses. (Keep in mind, we have gone for several months being perfectly happy with little to no sex, and this is her first time suddenly being outraged about it)

And please don't tell me to leave her, I will continue to try for a while, and if I never succeed, then I will leave her, seeing no other option. But I am not there yet.

TL;DR
I am not a big fan of sex, because I see it as a distraction from love, and not being a part of love. My girlfriend is complaining about being in a so called "dryspell" because I don't want to fuck her. (Excuse my language) So I agree that we can have sex occasionally, but I will never personally see it as something special. But even with that agreement, she is still complaining about my point of view. And so I suggest she learns to masturbate, to get rid of the sexual temptations herself, without involving me into it. Still she is not convinced, and she keeps talking about how other couples do it all the time, so that I can feel I need to be like them. How do I make my girlfriend come back to her senses, and learn to love the person I am?
« Last Edit: February 09, 2020, 08:06:53 AM by XAXIL »

February 13, 2020, 05:07:45 AM
Reply #1
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sexy_boy_23


hey dude, i think i understand what you mean. sex is awesome but it can get in the way of love, if you don't do it right.

but come on dude, sex is sex. from what you say, it sounds like you don't even enjoy it.

i dunno, dude, maybe you're not physically attracted enough to your girl, or you're too uptight or nervous. or maybe you're not putting your condom on right or something, haha!!

while i get what you're sayin about sex getting in the way of a loving relationship, sex can be a part of it. but you've got to enjoy sex. you say you’re not interested in sex. wow, dude! so it sounds like you're not enjoying it.

have you tried edging sex? you know, like tease your body again and again, getting up to the edge of cumming and orgasm, hold back, and repeating and repeating for as long as you can hold back.

that really increases the sensations, and when you finally go over the edge, you'll feel a mind-blowing orgasm and your condom will get filled like crazy. and i'm sure your girl would enjoy it too, especially knowing how you're enjoying the edging.

for me since i was 18 (now 23) i just can't have enough sex! i dunno, dude, maybe you need to ease up, loosen up a little and open up to your girl. or what if you’re physically attracted to somebody else? but hey, whatever you do, all the best for ya.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2020, 08:43:10 AM by sexy_boy_23 »

February 24, 2020, 02:58:57 AM
Reply #2
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Alice


Sex and love are defined and understood differently by every person, so there's really no right or wrong here. But this is not just a subject of love and sex, but also relationships.

If the only thing you have in common with your partner is sex, then yes, I will call it a sexual partner, but there's more than just sex in a relationship.

If I were your girlfriend your proposal would totally turn me off, because you're seeing sex as an obligation rather than having sex with her because you actually feel sexually attracted to her.

Also, having sex with someone you love and having sex with someone just to satisfy an urge feels completely different, at least that's the way I see it.

Sex is a part of my relationship with my boyfriend but it's not like we're thinking of sex 24/7. We sometimes have sex more than once a day and sometimes we just want to relax and watch series or movies, cuddle, or do anything else, no sex involved, just enjoying our time together. If we take the sex out of our relationship there are still many things we love about each other and things we love doing together.

I know this is not what you want to hear but my advice is, find someone who shares your same view in love, sex and relationships, you seem to have a big difference in opinion with your current girlfriend in what a relationship should be like and doesn't seem like any of you would change your mind in that subject.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2020, 03:03:59 AM by Alice »

February 27, 2020, 06:44:53 AM
Reply #3
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fruitloops97


I fully understand where you're coming from, me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in 5 months because he's just not up to it. This is fine and I try and respect how he's feeling, but unlike him you need to take your girlfriends feelings into consideration.

It is so frustrating when all you want is to have that intimacy with someone you love but they don't wanna give it, and as much as you want to understand how they feel - you can't help but feel a little bit worthless, unloved etc. and sometimes it can make you doubt the trust you have. Things like "is he getting sex somewhere else?" or "doesn't he love me anymore?" - as much as you don't want to hear it, you can't have a sexless relationship if both of you aren't on the same page.

You're making her seem desperate, but I can imagine all she wants is to have that sexual, intimate connection with you and I can also imagine that it's probably making her upset. I'm not saying have sex all the time, but take her feelings into consideration too otherwise you may as well just end the relationship now, because it can't just be about you.

March 13, 2020, 04:12:53 PM
Reply #4
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Kmart23


OP, you sound retarded.
I hope she can leave you soon and find someone at least half decent.
Or
10/10 larp.

March 14, 2020, 03:08:53 AM
Reply #5
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Mageddon


I see how you feel, but you need to look at it from her perspective.  Just because its something you find repulsive and feel isnt neccessary, doesnt mean she does.

Its something that she wants and craves. Something that she, like many, needs. If you feel that you cant or dont want to meet that need, or feel that her need is a burden to you.... it's time to move on and find someone who matches you're desires better.

March 15, 2020, 08:39:47 PM
Reply #6
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Dany-Mog


Not that I can truly personally relate being a man, but my wife uses different toys for masturbating and has always stated that it is not nearly as pleasurable as the orgasms she has during sex. Hope this helps a bit.

March 19, 2020, 11:28:33 PM
Reply #7
Offline

sexy_boy_23


OP, you sound retarded.
I hope she can leave you soon and find someone at least half decent.
Or
10/10 larp.

Nah, i think he’s way too uptight. he just needs to loosen up. A LOT. I mean, what gets me is that he says he’s “not interested” in sex. Like wtf, dude?? Man, i just can’t get that!

I get what’s he sayin but i think he’s just gotta loosen up and find ways to enjoy sex.

That’s why i gave him some tips before. Maybe he’s not putting his condom on right or somethin, haha!!

Long-lasting edging sex for me, man. There’s nothin like it! Gives ya more time for intense lickin, suckin, kissin.

Like, loosen the fuck up, dude, edge long, and fuckin enjoy it!!
« Last Edit: March 20, 2020, 05:56:00 AM by sexy_boy_23 »

March 20, 2020, 06:27:43 AM
Reply #8
Offline

xxcazaxx




So I am not a big fan of sex, and I would be most happy and joyful if we could just avoid having sex at all.

I told her that sex is not a part of love in my world, and that she really needs to get this into her head, and learn how to love me for who I am, and how I am not interested in sex. I even told her we could have sex if she really wanted us to occasionally, such as once per week, (according to a survey on google, this is the average frequency sexually active people have sex) but that she shouldn't expect me to personally feel anything special about it, because I am not into it, and because it is not a loving activity to me. What I don't understand is why she can't just say "Okay" and be fine? Seriously? If she is such an addict, then there's a bathroom in our house
She needs to get it into her head, that sex is not important in love, and that me and her can be perfectly happy together without too much of it.

And the help I need from you guys is to tell me, how I can achieve this goal, and make her come back to her senses. (Keep in mind, we have gone for several months being perfectly happy with little to no sex, and this is her first time suddenly being outraged about it)


Just because sex isn't important to you, it doesn't mean that it isn't important to her.  I would imagine that it isn't a case of going for months with no sex and her only now being 'outraged' about it.  Maybe it has just got to the point where she now feels that she can bring it up, given that it is a sensitive issue.  Sex isn't about looking at a calendar and saying oh we have to do it today, its our one day of the week for it.  It should be spontaneous and loving and helps you feel closer to one another.  Maybe its not something that you want to hear, but maybe if these issues can't be resolved then its time to find someone else whose libido matches your own.

 

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