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Author Topic: Problem with her past

January 08, 2019, 06:00:47 PM
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User21


Recently found out about her past sexual encounters and I’ve kinda pushed her away from me over it. I find it to be disgusting.

And for that reason I don’t want anything to do with her anymore, am I being unreasonable ?

I have no desire to be with anyone who has been with multiple other partners, regardless if it was before I even knew them.

I do not like the idea of oral sex at all, I’ve never been on either The giving or receiving end of it.

But, it appears that she has, so she says anyhow. I won’t have regular intercourse without a condom, that’s just how I’ve always been, thoughts and opinions appreciated.

January 09, 2019, 11:18:20 AM
Reply #1
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missg


Recently found out about her past sexual encounters and I’ve kinda pushed her away from me over it. I find it to be disgusting.

And for that reason I don’t want anything to do with her anymore, am I being unreasonable ?

I have no desire to be with anyone who has been with multiple other partners, regardless if it was before I even knew them.

I do not like the idea of oral sex at all, I’ve never been on either The giving or receiving end of it.

But, it appears that she has, so she says anyhow. I won’t have regular intercourse without a condom, that’s just how I’ve always been, thoughts and opinions appreciated.

Hey, welcome to the forums btw, how old are you may I ask? It doesn't mention it in your profile as you haven't filled out your details. 

I do understand where you're coming from but unfortunately we can't chase the perfect partner, but you need to decide whether you're able to deal with that persons past or not. Yes you can try and move on from it and forget it but ultimately it will always be there and it can't be erased. You need to ask yourself if you will be able to deal with it, mentally. If not, then it's probably not worth while even trying to pursue a relationship with this person and you will end up mentally hurt either way.

may I ask what they had done with previous partners that you don't agree with? You can be specific ... it's an anonymous forum after all :)

Also, it's common for people to have multiple partners before finding their true love. It's in fact, part of the process of finding the right partner as you learn from mistakes and you start to know who your really want after having some bad relationships.

I really wouldn't be worried about being with someone that has had partners in the past, it's normal. @User21

January 09, 2019, 05:12:27 PM
Reply #2
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User21


I’m 38

She has had oral and unprotected with past relationships.

I’m 110% against both.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve never participated in either and find it to be appalling.

January 23, 2019, 11:31:31 PM
Reply #3
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needoutoffriendzone


It’s hard, because I find a lot of people these days think if women sleep around or have slept around in the past they’re classed as a ‘slut’ where if men do they get praised. Speaking from passed experience I have never been in a proper committed relationship therefore I find it hard to ‘fulfill my needs’ and have slept with a decent about of people, some which I haven’t used protection!
That being said I have never had an sti/std, I have never felt in anyway like it would affect me getting a man either, I think you should maybe cut her some slack.

May 26, 2019, 10:58:58 PM
Reply #4
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USNAVYVET


When I was a teenager in the navy  (17 -20 yrs old)   I had sex with over 87 women NOT protected and all but 4 were married 

Get over it dude  she may be used but possibly not abused 

May 30, 2019, 01:21:49 AM
Reply #5
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MonaM


You're entitled to your values and she is entitled to hers.  You're under no obligation to stay with someone who does not share your values.  Instead of "kinda pushing her away", you need to kindly break up with her and find someone who shares your sexual values. 

May 30, 2019, 10:23:00 PM
Reply #6
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Elliott


This topic is old, but I find it interesting.  Everyone is different and has different opinions and values.

For me personally if the love and happiness is there for both male and female and it's a rewarding relationship for both, not just one, then for me the past shouldn't matter.

In my opinion the past was of the other persons choice and theirs to make, not mine, i don't own the other person. If i was in a relationship, I'd just hope to make the other person happy.  Even if i was in a relationship i would hate to think id be suffocating the other person in the relationship by being possessive through judging on past and present events, but that's just me.

Sorry for the tangent and i know it's each to their own.  People are different and that should be respected, unless harm is involved. I would find it fascinating my self to hear about someone i loved, past history  if they wanted to tell me of course.

I'll stop there, i could write a wall of text but that won't help.  Basically if one can't get over something in a relationship that is minor or past before the relationship then I can't see the relationship lasting, there has to be mutual compromise, understanding etc... and loving someone doesn't mean to own them.

I've gone off on a tangent, again forum texts can be miss-leading and because people read things differently, my text could be read in many ways.... ok now I'll shut up  :D

« Last Edit: May 30, 2019, 10:24:45 PM by Elliott »
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pni_kDv9BsU

June 04, 2019, 09:19:25 AM
Reply #7
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leon01


If you really like her personality and she makes you happy you shouldnt mind her past.
But if it destroys your trust in her then it will couse a lot of problems later on.

June 05, 2019, 08:55:57 AM
Reply #8
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Londongal91


You shouldn’t judge,  Everyone has a past, if you love her you can get past it

June 27, 2019, 04:46:10 PM
Reply #9
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Fr8train


Hi all I’m new here and feel like sex is very important in a relationship. My issue is I’ve been with my wife 22 years married for 19. We are both in our 40’s and have a teenage daughter. An underlying issue that I have had is my wife is the 4th women I’ve been with sexually, she’s been with 20 that I know of and believe more but she says she don’t know an exact number and doesn’t want to talk about it. Which I have some retroactive jealousy toward. With that being said we have sex about once a week. And on her part it’s usually forced like let’s do it and get it over with. Which drives me nuts! She will never initiate sex ever! And when we do have sex there is absolutely no oral anymore either way and I’m more than willing, she will just lay there not make a sound or even move a muscle! Than roll over like nothing and go to sleep. After that I’m more frustrated than I was before I got any.I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but we both work full time her job is more stress than mine I understand that. I will do housework, cook dinner, wash clothes and run errands while she does her take home work. I have no issue with this I like to eat and have clean clothes and a clean house and it’s both of our responsibility to do this. I’m affectionate I will give her a back rub almost every morning before work and sometimes at night. To get her to hold my hand give a hug or a kiss is pulling teeth! And I do know she loves me. But it kills your self esteem when you get rejected constantly! Than she gets mad because I bring up that she has had so many lovers before me that now sex isn’t special, it doesn’t mean anything to her. She says no it’s just she has things on her mind and she’s tired and sex isn’t as important “been there done that” she says. I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do, I’m a young guy very much into sex not the type to cheat, don’t need crazy sex everyday 3 times a day. But twice a week with some passion would mean a great deal. Am I being selfish? Should her past really bother me?

June 27, 2019, 06:59:48 PM
Reply #10
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LonelyIN


I'll give it to you blunt, it's definitely your hang up. She could have been with hundreds, and if used protection, it made no difference. I think the hang up is that you're going to feel inadequate. After all, she has seen people in the past, varying sizes, skills, and knows how great (or vice-versa) the sex.

I'd say embrace the positives, that she has experience in the world, and is happy to be with you.

And being 38, I'm almost think this post was trolling responses.

July 10, 2019, 02:56:09 PM
Reply #11
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LoveTherapist


Hello,
I'm a local therapist and I have heard many stories like this and I've experienced it myself. It can be quite hard but you will get through this.
I will show you a video that really helped me here : https://dausel.co/wMsnlY
Last year I was stuck and this really helped me a lot.
Hope things get better.
love

 

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