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Author Topic: Partners loss of libido, how do I help get it back?

February 03, 2020, 07:19:48 AM
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Dazza84


Hello everyone, this is my first post here, I never thought for a million years that I'd ever be discussing matters such as these online yet here we are..

Anyway, I am 35, my partner is 38, we've been together for 5 years and our daughter is 3 and a half, and absolutely great, and of course things aren't the same as they were before she came along, that's to be expected, however she now suspects that she may be suffering from early onset menopause, as she ticks a number of the boxes when it comes to the signs of it.

I try to be as understanding as possible, it can't be nice for her, of course it must be awful, especially at a relatively young age, and I would never pressure her, I'd just like to make that clear, but sometimes I feel like I am, or rather I'm made to feel like I am, such as when it's been over a month since we've been intimate (a common sort of timeframe) and I dare suggest anything she'll say something like "well no prizes for guessing what YOU want then" or "just do whatever it is you want to do and get it over with then!" Which is a complete mood killer and then I wish I'd never mentioned anything.

I want to do anything I can to help her enjoy things again as it's not great when im the only one into it (although she does finish every time, even if it takes a while (I always make sure she's satisfied before me) but on the odd occasion I try and discuss the issue and if I can do anything to help she will say something like "yeah well how would you feel if it was YOUR body, I don't want to talk about it!"

We do have a weekend away in a hotel 3 or 4 times a year to go out for a meal and drinks etc, not necessarily geared for having sex, just a little break away, but it certainly helps things a little, up until around a year ago there would be very little sleeping going on let's say, but this year we had my birthday and her birthday (both in November) away and even then it was quite a chore, and only on her birthday, no interest at all, and I don't want to rock the boat by asking.

 I've also tried nice things to set the mood like candles, relaxation, massage that's not sexual to bring the mood around but it's no good, the only time she's ever remotely interested is the odd Thursday night where she meets up with some of the other mums and they have a bit of a session, then she bowls in at midnight ish full of vodka and wakes me up, well in the mood, which isn't ideal but at this stage I'll take whatever I can get to be honest.

So as you can see it's quite a difficult position, sure I could use porn and sort myself out but where's the fun in that? Plus I'd never dream of straying, I'm not that sort of a bloke, I understand that it's not going to be almost daily like it was when we met in our early 30s, but whatever the resolution (if there even is one) with us both still in our 30s I do feel we're a bit young to already be at the point of having pretty much no sex life.

Anyone got any pearls of wisdom, because I'm pretty stumped.

Thanks in advance :)

 

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