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Author Topic: Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in 5 months?

February 27, 2020, 06:50:35 AM
Read 1589 times


Hello, before I say anything I don't want to hear comments like "leave him" or "the relationship clearly isn't working"...

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We haven't had sex or any sort of intimacy like long kisses, cuddles or even hand holding for 5 nearly 6 months now. He just tells me "he's not up for it" and I can't talk to him about it because he says when I moan about it to him it puts him off from giving me any affection.

I feel like he doesn't listen to my needs or take my feelings into consideration, I don't really masturbate and when I do it just makes me more upset and frustrated that I am not having sex with my boyfriend. I don't really know what to do, I woke up this morning really sexually frustrated but I know I couldn't do anything so I ended up crying and leaving my boyfriends house without even waking him to say goodbye.

I just want the intimate sexual chemistry we had before, I'm not asking for sex 3 times a day, but 5 months is driving me crazy and it's making me get agitated with him, so when he asks me what's wrong I cant tell him and that causes an argument too.

I miss him, I miss what we had but I am worried we are never going to have sex again.

He makes me take birth control, to which none of the methods are working they're all making me really ill, but I don't even see the point in taking them anymore because it's not like I am at risk of getting pregnant when I am not having sex.

March 03, 2020, 11:11:55 AM
Reply #1


Hi fruitloops97,

five to six months seems like a really long time. Do you two enjoy being together in other ways than the physical way (having sex) or even the traditional-romantic way (cuddles, kisses)? To not even casually cuddle does not only seem harsh, but like something is really wrong. Is he in general closed off towards you? He wasn't like that before, right?
It seems apparent to me that some event or process took place and he doesn't want to speak about it, but also can't move on like nothing happened. This could be some change in your behaviour, it could be his school/work is not going well, it could be stress in general, it could be he fell in love with someone else, ... But whatever it is, he didn't send you flying, so he at least cares and maybe also loves you.
As it could really be anything, but you don't know what it is, I advise you to do the first step for really any crisis: Don't panic. Calm is key.
The second one is to gather information on the situation: What has happened during the past few month? How did you behave, how did he behave, what (of any significance to this situation) happened in school/at work/during freetime?
The next step is to communicate: What does your boyfriend think of your current situation? Make it clear to him what your problem is: Sexual frustration (Don't mention the "forced birth control" part right now. It's important you work on one topic at a time!)
Now that you both share the same perspective on the situation you can talk about solutions: Does he want to have sex at all? If so, what does he need to get ready for it? Ask him what you can do. But remember: This is a team effort! There are three liable entities here: You are - at most - 50% liable for engaging and having sex with him. Same goes for him: 50% liable. The third entity is "circumstances". At any time, something can happen that's neither in your nor in his control. For example if he had a really stressful customer that day and he's stressed out, so he cannot handle more than cuddling that evening. By saying that I mean: Ask what you can do to give him an optimal setup, but remember that he has to respond to that effort with his effort and that even then it can go wrong, but at least you both tried and can try another time.

Please note that this conversation can take multiple short sessions, depending on how communicative and reflected your boyfriend is. If he isn't you're gonna have difficulties conveying your feelings of frustration to him, because he has not the capability to listen to it. (He can work on that though, but it will take time.) If he is capable of listening and reflecting: Great! Be responsible adults when talking about this, talk it out, work on a solution.
I hate to say it, but: Even if it would be hard, leaving him is an option. Do you want a partner who shows you no affection at all? It may be hard for you and maybe even harder for him, but officially pausing the relationship can give you both some time to think. Even more a breakup. If you then still want to get together, you can try again. Nobody is hindering you. But before that: Talk it out, ponder about your options and see where this gets you.

I hope this helps!

March 07, 2020, 05:24:16 AM
Reply #2


You may try to have some fun moment  ,,some sexy lingerie ,some seduce action , else i am suspecting he has sex dysfunctional issue?  It is abnormal in sense ....

March 08, 2020, 11:01:46 PM
Reply #3


Hi there,
I can complete relate to your situation. I have been in relationship for 11 months and we had sex 5 times. The reason in me (the man).
She is a lovely person and I get extremely horny, I just don't want to have sex with her. It's so weird situation and myself I don't know why. Well I know why, but don't know how to fix this.

March 08, 2020, 11:55:08 PM
Reply #4


I think you should have a conversation with your boyfriend (whether he wants to or not) about how you feel. I’ve never known a man that has a woman with a strong sexual appetite to turn it down for five months. Either he’s depressed or he’s getting from somewhere else. Not what you want to hear but that’s the truth. If he doesn’t hear you out when you try and talk to him seduce him. If he still doesn’t go for it, pull out your vibrator and masturbate right in front of him. That’ll let you know everything you need to know right there. He’ll either join in some way or walk away. If he walks away you know what’s up.

March 09, 2020, 12:04:23 AM
Reply #5


I think sometimes he loses his passion after a long time, so I decided to seek some changes, such as buying some adult products, BDSM products, maybe he can have different feelings.

March 09, 2020, 12:11:49 AM
Reply #6


That's right, so is my opinion 8)I also think that adult products can bring a good atmosphere

March 11, 2020, 06:00:03 AM
Reply #7


you two, not only you, should find some fresh sex location and sex position. and also, use some sex toy to make sex fresh.


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