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Author Topic: Dealing with an inexperienced guy, please help

October 31, 2019, 08:00:25 PM
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Quutamo


Hi All,
I've been dating this amazing guy for a few months and I'm so lucky that I met him.

BUT...
He is a few years younger than me and very inexperienced. And I mean he has no clue what he's doing. I am his first "real girlfriend" and he hasn't even kissed anyone before me.
Don't get me wrong, I kind of like the idea of being his sex teacher, I'm trying to be patient, understanding and talk to him about our sex life. There are a few problems and I'm not sure how to fix them, any ideas would be greatly appreciated ;)
1. Foreplay - it always consists of me touching and kissing various parts of his body, stripping or giving him a massage. He doesn't touch me much, if he does, it's always my face, neck and back. Oh, and sometimes he would grab my ass, but that's about it. He would never touch my breasts, thighs or my intimate parts. I asked him why, he just started laughing.
2. Sex - always in a missionary or doggy style, no touching, he cums really fast and that's it. I asked to be on top but he refused.
3. Oral - I love giving blowjobs and he loves receiving them, but he would never return the favour, hasn't even tried once. If he had tried and decided that he doesn't like it, I'd understand... I think.
4. Anal - no go.
5. After sex - he is ready to sleep, not bothered that I'm still horny. He keeps saying "I can't go for the 2nd round, sorry" and that's it. He's not willing to touch me/finger me or do anything to help. He would just spoon me and fall asleep. He also gets really upset when I pull my toys out.
It's been quite a few times that I cried myself to sleep because I feel like he doesn't care about me. I've tried to talk to him about it and now he thinks I'm obsessed with sex.
6. Porn - I have asked him to watch porn together and let him choose the category, he said he doesn't like porn and it's weird that women watch it.

Talking about sex gets more and more difficult, he keeps repeating that's because he's Asian and has been raised in a different culture. I get that, but there must be something we can do. He says he wants it to work, so do I.
I don't want to overthink it, but can't help it, maybe he's not attracted to me? I really don't know and it drives me crazy.
Please, help.
Thank you in advance for every reply.

Lots of love,
Quutamo 🖤
You know who's gonna give you everything?
Yourself.

November 04, 2019, 09:27:03 AM
Reply #1
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Captain Black


I will try and help best I can here from a guys perspective. I am more of a couples relationship counsellor than a sex therapist as its really a different field .

1) Foreplay . To an inexperienced guy this can be a mine field and mind field  :). The best way is to place and guide his hand on the parts of your body that you want caressing . Show him how to do it before you guide his hand. I appreciate this is going to be a long drawn out process and patience will be needed

2) There are numerous positions to try. Search the internet or get a book . Then suggest some fun positions and try and have a laugh as you try them . Don't forget your guy is going to be very nervous and perhaps a little embarrassed . Incidently Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl are 2 of our favourite positions but everyone is different .

3) Oral is difficult for an inexperienced guy . Get a book ! And give him some homework to study ! Time will be key here

4) Anal. Not everyone's cup of tea . Its outside the boundaries of me and my partner for example. I have IBS which doesn't help and puts my partner off straight away.  :)

5) His stamina may need building up . The remedy until this happens is to have longer foreplay .

6) Porn - Not for everyone . You could try the more women friendly types which are not as graphic and the story lines tend to be better thought out . If that fails try 18 cert videos. Nine and a Half weeks, 2 Moon Junction to name but a few.

I think he is attracted to you but he is probably a little scared and perhaps doesn't want to admit it .Just maybe you have gone too fast for him.  You are going to have to find away of putting him in "control" but with you calling the shots. You could perhaps try some sex games as well which will relax him a little. Naked Twister is a fun game especially if both of your bodies are oiled before you start . Don't forget the Kama Sutra is an Asian book ! So don't buy the Asian excuse bit !  :)

I hope that you will find some of the above helpful and good luck.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2019, 09:32:25 AM by Captain Black »

 

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