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Author Topic: Can't get out of own head

October 01, 2019, 05:37:45 PM
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So, I'm looking for advice for myself. I know this is a "me" issue and therapy is probably the best option and I'm looking for doctors now. but I still would like the opinion of others. Any insight into what you think. Both men and women would be helpful!

So here is he situation. I'm a 32 year old man and I've been with my girlfriend for a year. I was a late bloomer when it comes to sex and relationships. I actually just stopped approaching women when I was 28. I met her last year and she pursued me. I kept on saying no (just kept on asking myself "why now when no one wanted me before" nothing has changed about me other than I'm financially stable now). But she genuinely likes me and she was the first woman to ever express interest in me. Plus I really like her too. So I caved.

This has been the best year of my life! we're very open about sex. So, I asked if she wanted something in bed and she said that she'd like to try larger sex toys. Tbh I'm about 5.5 inches long and 4.8 in girth. I was happy to please her and I even liked using the dildo on her. But I no longer see the purpose in vaginal penetration anymore (she's not into anal so that's out of the question). I always thought, that it was something we both enjoyed at the same time. But if she doesn't feel it then what's the point? I don't want her to fake it. Nor do I want her to go along with it because I enjoy it. We both do things that is specifically for the others pleasure, but this one bothers me. I like vaginal penetration but don't want to do it if she can't feel me. I'm still okay with using larger sex toys and oral and everything else. I guess my question is: how can I get over it? I know I need therapy and I'm in the process of finding a doctor. I just want to hear other people's ideas.

I'm not looking for sympathy but please don't say just suck it up. Seriously, what is the point of having penetrative sex if your partner doesn't enjoy it or if she prefers something larger? Also, I'm not into the whole cuckold/sharing thing. Not a judgement just not for me.

October 09, 2019, 03:10:31 PM
Reply #1


Hi there Jimjam67,

There are so many ways that could help you to make your girlfriend enjoy vaginal sex with you. Female sexuality is a huge topic that i believe noone has completely mastered so everyone can always learn alot of new things. And as you say you were a late bloomer i think there could be lots that you can still learn. Maybe different positions or, some kegel exercises on her side would already do the trick. But one should never forget that the biggest sex organ of a woman is her brain and mind. When she is very aroused even the slightest touch can be very intense for her, so size really shouldnt stop you from making it pleasurable for both of you. Id say do a lot of reading about female sexuality, not just about anatomy etc., but also about how female sexuality itself works (i like the book "vagina" by Naomi Wolf for starters). Its alot more different from male sexuality than alot of people would think.
And just try out a lot of new things. Of course carefully and only consensual things that you talk about with your girlfriend about with first.
Besides, always keep in mind that one of the biggest turn ons for women is confidence. So dont let the fact that she also enjoys bigger sex toys make you feel like your not enough. You can give her sensations that no other man or sextoy can give her, so go ahead and find out what is it, that works for you both.

And mate, i dont think you need therapy and you need to find a doctor. Of course im not telling you not to do that, but it sounds like you already feel like there is something wrong with you.
That is definitely not the case, i am sure that you are perfectly able to have a great sexlife with your girlfriend just the way you are.

Hope that helps a bit :)
« Last Edit: October 09, 2019, 03:14:05 PM by Partner »


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