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Author Topic: What should I do?

January 25, 2020, 09:30:47 PM
Read 685 times


Im sorry for my essay here, but im gonna try to keep it short as I can.
I have a problem with my relationship, now ex relationship. So I met a girl on a dating app and we started to hangout, everything was going so good and we decided we want to be in relationship. It was lovely, we loved each other really. But then after 9months I was offered to go to a cruise ship to do one contract. I accept it. Honestly because I diden't know what to do with my life, diden't have a job or was a college student like she was and still is. I went on other continent for 8 months and somehow we manage to be together during that period. After 9 months, I came back, and I fucked up everything.
So I started to ignore her, I started to move away from her for no reason. I even downloaded the same dating app where we met and was talking to other girls. I was not planning to go have sex with any of them or something, just ... I don't know, was stupid, was texting other girls because my life was disaster and was searching something to escape from that. At that time I was in my village that was 3hours driving from my hometown where she was. She tried to reach me, and find out what is happening, and I was stupid enough to ignore her and send her messeges like I don't care.
All of that lasted almost 2 months, until she found out and freaked out and left me. Same day, I realized what I lost or was losing and went to hometown to talk to her. Basically I was driving and crying at the same time.
We talked and she broke up with me, but we still were "hanging out" and talking to each other. I was desperate, I realized what I lost and I diden't know the answer why I did that. She told me I came as a different guy from that cruise ship. Honestly today, after 5 months I still don't know why I did that, and why I fucked up what I loved.?!
3 months ago I got an offer to leave my country and to get a job in a well good position with good salary and conditions to live, I accepted it and left her again. We are still "talking", but not like before. We have been sepereted now for 3 months and im trying to talk to her, to video call her but she refuses. She answers but ... not that often. She told me im possessive and maybe she is right and I dont know what to do about that. I was and still calling her like 15 times even do all of the 15 was rejected.
The thing is she is telling me if I want to get her back I have to stop. I have to stop texting her and calling her, so she can miss me... so she can get her feelings about me back. She want's it her way ...
Honestly I don't get that, my opinion is that, that will only break us apart and Im gonna lose her, and I am scared af.
She dosent want to have a distance relationship again and I am trying to understand why. Maybe I do understand but I just love her and don't want to accept that?
She is comming in a one month in same country where I am at the moment, but like 4-5hours of drive from me. I told her that does not make a problem for me and that I am more then willing to drive those hours atleast 1 day per week coz im working 6/7 days.
She told me that I am forcing her too much and that I should stop, but how? I can understand why she cannot trust me again, but what should I do for her to start trusting me again? And I dont know what to do ... its like I have to act distant to keep her keen
Maybe I am going crazy but I know I want her, and willing to give myself in that relationship. I am living my life as best as I can, but still it diden't past the day I diden't think of her.
Tonight I texted her AGAIN, and got reply back that im boring and basically "fuck off".
But I think she has still some feelings towards me coz she is replying my messages and sometimes calls, otherwise I wouldn't hear from her, no?
I know that what I did to her is just .... no comment, but I know now that I would never repeat that or hurt her somehow, its been 5 months and im still regreting it and trying my best.
But is there a way guys? Is there a way to get her back, to get her trust back again? To get her message in the morning saying good morning?
How do I stop myself from thinking about her every day, where is she, what is she doing, with whom she is, how do I stop being possessive then?
How am I pushing her away from me by being intrested in her, and wanting to know about her feelings and in general situation?

I am hoping that the day will come when she misses me, but at the same time Im scared it dosen't.

What should I do? Any advice is welcomed

« Last Edit: January 26, 2020, 12:03:17 AM by Blerin »

January 27, 2020, 07:52:21 AM
Reply #1


Hello there! So first of all I'm a girl and I can tell you I somehow understand that she wants to have some time and space to miss you. Because basically you contacting her so often, you are not giving her a chance to see how life is without you, you are not giving her personal space and you don't let her clarify her feelings for you.
Okay so what you did was really bad...I think you should try and understand yourself and your problems better (like why did you do that to her?) in order to have a healthy relationship with her and even get her back. There is a lot to process for her and for you, and this happened to me with some guys...I just needed space to clarify my feelings, to see if I really wanted to be with them, but they just wouldn't understand and they were still trying to hit me up daily. This made me feel really nervous, because all I wanted was to be left alone, all I wanted was the answer to questions like "Do I really miss him?Do I like thim?Do I want to be with him". So I think this is similar for her too.
My advice is to let her be for a while. Just give her like 2 or 3 weeks, no messages, no calling, no nothing and use this time to work on yourself. She will definetely use this time for herself too and will see in you a man that can listen to her and respect her wishes. In my opinion, this is the first step in winning her back. Then you can message her when she comes to your country and see if she wants to meet, but try and be understanding and just give her a 2-3 weeks of space.
Hope this helps!

January 30, 2020, 06:02:55 AM
Reply #2


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February 01, 2020, 12:29:00 PM
Reply #3


February 09, 2020, 07:47:00 PM
Reply #4


Very similar situation myself. Girl broke up with me after 3 years. Says she still has feelings but wants to stay seperated for now. I have gone into no contact a few days ago.