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Author Topic: What are your 2 biggest problems?

January 02, 2020, 11:45:19 PM
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Todd Ryder


Hello everybody. After my breakup, my biggest issues were knowing that I should move on but I still wanted to make it work and having her in my mind 24 hours a day. I moved on and gained some experience and I am currently trying to figure out how to best help people to get over their breakups so I was wondering what your two biggest issues are?

Thank you guys in advance.

January 03, 2020, 08:49:11 AM
Reply #1
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18HourBra


I had been in a long term domestic violence relationship, then met my new guy (now ex) on Tinder 2 years later. He was the opposite of my violent ex. He seemed so quiet and so shy. His shyness made him more attractive. I felt so safe.

But something felt wrong. It never went away for the 4mos we were together. First I thought he'd had a life event or depression and was trying to hide it. It got in the way of everything. He wouldn't open up. We never progressed from this quiet 'first date' state, I stayed at his place and he was even more withdrawn there. But I became attached. I was physically attracted, but I wanted to unlock him and free him. He was married 7 years ago, and he had a bad car crash, that's all I really know. He said he was in therapy and people have accused him of being inconsiderate. He says 'feelings' are something he finds hard to connect with. Many symptoms made me believe he had Aspergers. Lots of normal things, he could not do, and in public he would freeze in a lot of situations. He never snapped out of it, not even for 2 minutes and I never got to know him.

I'd only ever had sex with my ex and a couple of horrendous one night stands. Where new guy held back in the day, he changed in bed. He put me first and for the first time in my life, I was the receiver in bed and not the pleaser/giver/faker. He touched me in ways I'd never been touched. I don't think anyone will touch me like that again. I felt so loved and cared for.

We ended it after I'd spent a week at his. He explained that he just couldn't make sense of everything. He knew that the way he is makes me change, and I'm unable to be myself. He said he just wants someone who can sit in silence on the sofa with him. He said he wanted to stay friends.

It's been 2 and a half weeks. I'm so confused and upset. The attachment and the way he impacted my sexuality. He kind of freed me from my other ex but it's introduced all this weird sadness. I'll never see him again, I'll never understand his life (when I google him, he has a whole different life 5 years ago... extreme sports, competitive sky diving, competitive running...but now he's a shadow of all that).

January 06, 2020, 07:22:26 PM
Reply #2
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Todd Ryder


Wow, I would have never guessed that he had a back story like that. The guy sounds like he made himself apathetic to avoid feeling emotions and getting hurt. But that's him, for you, the break up left you upset. Do you feel like you can move on quickly?

January 08, 2020, 11:42:17 PM
Reply #3
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ColoradoTennisFan


I struggle with loneliness, insecurity, and missing her. The longing stage has thankfully passed, but I still miss her. I have lost most thoughts of intimacy with her. Part of my insecurity is my age (64). I am not sure how many relationships remain for me although I have excellent health, a good financial position, and kindness, and reasonable appearance. I tend towards the introvert scale so it is odd that I feel loneliness. I just keep thinking how she filled my life especially dancing with her and her adoration for me. One day, she just stopped wanting to be with me saying that she would never let me hurt her again. Despite trying to win her back and offering her everything that she wanted, she will not give me another chance. I have moved on, stopping contact even when dancing in the same venue.

Relationships are a power play. The one willing to walk away has the power. I feel powerless because she broke up with me. Breaking contact is a small way of taking control for my life. I have been alone for long periods of my life without problems so I can live happily without her.

January 11, 2020, 10:10:46 AM
Reply #4
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markpeter2887@gmail.com


In my experience, don’t chase someone who wanted you out of their life. The feeling of being neglected is always going to be there. Better find someone who will love you no matter what situation you both encounter.

January 12, 2020, 08:35:12 AM
Reply #5
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Lynx75


I think you find answers when a relationship ends.

January 14, 2020, 03:26:48 PM
Reply #6
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Isabel91


I struggle with self blame and missing him so much. I feel that I will never find anyone better than him again, knowing that he is the love of my life. I'm a fool  :'(

January 22, 2020, 12:12:07 PM
Reply #7
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elena


Well in my case I feel that my lack of experience in relationships makes it really hard to move on because I don't know if I did something wrong to deserve what happened or it was just him being an asshole, not explaining anything and disappearing. In addition it's really hard for me to let go because I rarely get attached and when I do so I really want to make it work with this person.. I guess with time and experience things will get easier..

February 11, 2020, 09:30:52 AM
Reply #8
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FirstSpringFlower


I feel like barely anyone talks about one of the hardest parts about getting over a breakup. The sleep. Especially if you lived with them and shared a bed. So, I've got two main problems:

1) How to get rid off my post-breakup insomnia?

2) How can I teach my little one to sleep alone in her playpen (I'm talking about this one: https://www.best-pack-n-play.com/ingenuity-smart-simple-playard-review-mothers-story/)? 




« Last Edit: February 11, 2020, 09:48:28 AM by FirstSpringFlower »

February 14, 2020, 10:01:18 PM
Reply #9
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corrupt_filez


1. Thinking of her 24/7
2. Just broke no contact... Bummer

March 01, 2020, 07:09:43 PM
Reply #10
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Biggydawg


I just recently broke up with my gf after 3 years. Infact its ground zero for me.

I am currently struggling with

1. Thinking about her 24/7
2. Being strong enough for no contact

I also have this obsession about her moving on from me quickly and being with somebody else. It's dam hard!

March 02, 2020, 09:47:54 AM
Reply #11
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JamesSpool100


Some good advice here to help others improve themselves

April 06, 2020, 05:50:56 AM
Reply #12
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FirstSpringFlower


1) My husband bought me a stockpot (the first one from this list: https://www.justinscafe.com/best-stock-pot/)
2) What should I do with it? LOL :o

Cooking was my career and it was what I learned to do well. I was a better line cook than a home cook because I tried to get too fancy with things. Is it bad that I don't like to cook?

April 11, 2020, 01:32:28 PM
Reply #13
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Drwho


Well for me it's
1. Missing him so much, our routines
2. Dealing with trauma (it was an abusive relationship, and there are days when I will remember the times that I will just cry on my bed out of nowhere)

April 20, 2020, 06:00:49 AM
Reply #14
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Angels


  :P Hehe 1: the guy not wanting me in the first place and 2: the guy not wanting me in the first place
#friendzone

April 21, 2020, 12:45:11 PM
Reply #15
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geegeedee


1) Missing those perfect days with us having fun, outdoors, going to concerts, doing stuff together.

2) Missing our chats, discussions about everything under the sun.

It has been almost four months now. NC has been broken several times, both have hinted - and said out loud - to each other about feelings we still have to each other. But we were in long-distant relationship and she is not willing to meet in person, so we just exchange occasional texts. Sometimes weeks without anything. Sometimes "I still love you" kind of messages. And it is killing me. But I'm also not strong enough to block her or not to reply to her or not to text her.   :(

 

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