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Author Topic: Unsure what to think of this situation?

July 04, 2019, 09:51:56 PM
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patythompson


So... I separated from the father of my daughter after a 6 year relationship. We've been separated for 9 months. We did keep in contact during the break up off and on, kind of checking back in with each other here and there..of course, we still have our daughter together. Approx. 2 months ago though, he was persistent about us possibly seeing if we could work things out.. he said he knew what he wanted, we spoke about the issues in our relationship and ways to fix them.. he just seemed sure of himself and sure of what he needed to do..and willing to make those changes.. fast forward to today ..he lost his job and ended up loosing his apartment about a week ago. Since we had been talking about working on things for the past two months, we decided to just move back in together. However, about a week after he moved in, he started to tell me how he wasn't so sure of himself anymore.. he thought he was ready but it feels premature.. and he feels like he's gotten cold feet about the relationship now, I was livid because I was doing fine emotionally while we were separated, I allowed him to come back and he tells me this?.. it threw me for a loop. I guess I'm not really sure how to feel right now.. I feel every single emotion that there is possible to feel. I feel like I want to be supportive of his "cold feet" and just see what happens.. I also want to tell him f*** him and his feet and get out of my apartment now. (I know he doesn't have anywhere to go because his family lives in Texas).. and if he leaves, I won't have any help with my daughter... I feel slightly stuck and unsure of how to feel or what to do.. but I also feel played. Any advice?

August 03, 2019, 03:05:24 AM
Reply #1
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chrishen


That's a shitty situation. I feel for you.

He seems impulsive, and you should try to make a note of that and be aware in future. You essentially went from not much contact to living together. I know it seems dumb to say "you wouldn't do that with a new guy." But, in a weird way it should've been treated exactly the same as a new guy. If he was so hell bent on being with you, let him invest a little, take you out, date you, EARN you back. He would've valued you more.

I think the long term goal should be to get back to the way you were when you were alone, but in the short-term you may need to wait it out him getting on his feet, especially if you NEED that help with your daughter, and there is no work-around. (if there is a work-around consider sending him back home to get his shit together, especially if you're going insane).

I think there is a long term light at the end of the tunnel (weeks? months?) but from what you've said, in the interim, you might want to have a chat, say you'll platonically help him out, then when he's back on his feet only then you will even begin to consider anything else, in which case refer to my first paragraph.

Hope it works out!

 

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