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Author Topic: Trying to get back together but something doesn't feel right...

March 28, 2019, 11:08:25 AM
Read 917 times


Hello everyone, sort of new to the forum.
I need some advice because something doesn't feel right.
Here's the rundown.
I met the partner bit over a year ago, from the start there were a few things said which made me worry, take for instance, her friends didnt really take any interest in me because they thought i wouldnt make it past 3 months, which from what i have seen, seems to be what has happened previously.
Another thing, i said i would leave in and argument months ago, she said thats ok, i will have another man here tommorow so go.
Well these things have triggered trust issues with me in the relationship, but dont get me wrong, when she is with me she is loving and caring.
Well after 9 months in i noticed she started complaining about sex a lot, saying thats all i ever want, just hurry up, the usual stuff. No matter what i tried, it as very hard to get any sort of romance, reciprication or passion going.
Along with that there were other things like all the nice texts and messages stopped, i would barely get a response if i sent one.
I have put in so much effort and if we do argue i do express that im tired, i need a bit more.
So being concerned that there was something going on I hired someone to find out for me, because im not sure and the results were inconclusive, bit of flirting ect but no actual evidence. She gets along with him so much better.
It all came out in a drunken argument we had, my concerns the lack of trust, insecurities. So now she doesnt trust me.Totally disregarded anything that  iwas going through.
Last night we had another one of those drunken arguments, this time i said i was done, sick of this stuff and i think she is full of lies, and all sorts of things. Not nice things.
She said its done and i need you to leave tommorow for 2 days with no contact and she will have a think of if this is what she wants.
2 days passed, she inishiated contact several times in that period aswell, i replied and got told i was breaking the rules.
We had 2 big talks about everything, the anger and insecurities i have been showing, a few of the other issues we are having but decided that we will give it one last chance.
So now i moved back in with her, but in the spare room. If she needs space i must give it to her, first couple nights there was no physical contact, but last couple of nights there was a bit of holding hands on the couch and coudle before bed.
Now here is where im getting confused, i still paying half bills, her mortgage ect, but she is saying that for now we are friends and we need to start the relationship from scratch, slowely build up from the start. She says it may take weeks for her to accept me into her heart again, to let me into her bed. When i kissed her tonight it felt like she had nothing in her kiss, eyes closed, still, few little slow pecks.... I reacted to the friends comment tonight and she blew up, saying so here you go again... im very confused right now and i feel that something just isnt quite right. She got defensice when i asked why did you stay back at work an hour late when theres not much to do there, her boss has gone on holiday..
Please.. I'm sorry for my spelling and grammer, but i dont write much.

March 29, 2019, 02:31:15 AM
Reply #1


Hi, this doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship. Relationships that last have to be built on trust and yours is devoid of trust. You both need to sit down and talk about it. Is it worth it? Can trust really be built with the foundation you already have? Is she as invested in the relationship as you are or  is she just stringing you along while in need of a roommate to split her bills? Do you think you deserve more? Do you deserve someone who will be an equal partner in the relationship without feeling like you are forcing them into it? Do you see yourself with her in a year from now? Two years? You need to be brutally honest with yourself and I'm sure you'll know what to do


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