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Author Topic: Thoughts on this situation?

February 15, 2020, 04:23:46 AM
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corrupt_filez


1. This is gonna be a long post, I'll try to make it as short as possible
2. Sorry if my English is bad

Was together with my ex girlfriend for 3 years. I moved to another country 3,5 years ago, met her after 6 months here. The reason I moved to this country is bc my dad lives here.
I'm 27 and my ex is 39,so there's a big age difference.

On January 4th,my ex broke up with me. I was devastated. We had been living together almost all the time we were dating, in her apartment.

I was an idiot and cheated on her 1 year ago. She eventually forgave me, thats what she said anyway.

December last year, some days before Christmas eve, she was out drinking and only came home the next day around noon, went straight to the shower. She never did that after a night's out. I had a feeling that she had been with someone else. She asked me if we should try an open relationship. I thought that maybe she needed a little freedom, so I was willing to give her that and agreed. Let's try it out.

The next day, we went to the cinema and right before the movie started, she admitted to cheating after I've had asked her a couple of times through out the day. I didn't get angry at her and forgave her right away, like she had forgiven in the past.

As the days went by, she hooked up with the other guy now and then. I could easily figure out she met with the guy she cheated with me on. But I felt fine when she came home after some hours at his place. We had agreed to an open relationship and didn't want to feel any jealousy. Meanwhile I couldn't find any women to hook up with.

I asked her many times "you're not falling in love with him, are you? Are you gonna leave me for him?" to which she replied "no! Don't worry, I won't do that!"
I felt like we still loved each other very much, even though she was having fun with another. We had some good days around Christmas, with love and joy.

New years eve, the clock has passed midnight. We had a good evening with her family and nice dinner. We went to see a band at the bar. I told her, that on new years eve I wanna be with her and spend the night with her. But when it was time to go home, I couldn't find her. She had left, don't know when. But I knew where to. She didn't answer her phone or text messages. She also had the credit card on her, so I couldn't pay for a cab, so I had to walk home by myself, on a cold, snowy night. When I got home around the morning, she finally answered my phone call, where I got a little angry and yelled at her. I was drunk.

She came home around noon and I apologized for yelling on the phone and she said she was sorry too for just leaving without telling me.
Some days later, she had to meet with some friends at her friend's house to eat dinner and drink. I felt much love from her that day before she left. Kisses and hugs and "I love you." But everything was gonna change that day.
Later on the evening she was texting me "come drink with us, just take a cab." But I replied I'm gonna meet you at the bar instead. So I left when it was time to and met her there. She was very drunk, and to be honest a little annoying. Maybe you know the feeling of being around drunk friends when you're not drunk yourself. Later that evening, the guy she was meeting with sometimes, showed up. They started to dance and kiss each other. If course it hurt a little to watch, but we also had agreed not to be jealous. She also asked me if we should dance, but I wasn't drunk at all and I'm to embarrassed to dance if I'm sober. She told me just go out and find someone to dance with. But I'm a shy guy and hadn't had much to drink.

When it was time to go home, she was very drunk. Couldn't walk straight, hard to understand what she was saying. I told her "let's go home" but she declined. She was so drunk and it was best for her just go home. But she wouldn't come with me. I kept saying "you're so drunk. We need to go home now" and hit a little angry. Then the words just came out of her: "I break up. I like another guy." I followed her outside, where she started kissing the other guy right before my eyes. She couldn't care less I stood right next to her. I couldn't watch it. So I just left, walked home alone.

I was really upset. Couldn't believe it as I walked home. When I got home I tried calling her with no success. My mind was a mess. So I took a steak knife and made some scratches on my arm. Don't know why, I wasn't thinking straight. I was hurt, broken hearted. I called the cops telling them I was afraid I was gonna commit suicide. They took me to the hospital where they cleaned my scratches and talked a little with me, calming me down. They tried to call my ex, but she didn't answer. They sent me home after 2 hours. When I got home she wasn't there. She called me and I told her what happened, so she said she was coming home now. I waited for hours, but she never came. So I fell asleep. When she finally came home, I asked her why she didn't come earlier. She said she fell asleep.

Then she told me she wanted to break up. I told her that she promised she wasn't falling in love with him, but she didn't reply to that. I begged and plead her. After some hours she said she was in doubt. So I told her let's try to make this work. She said OK. That evening we had a nice time watching some movies laying on the couch, as a snow storm raged outside. I told her I didn't want the open relationship anymore, but she replied "But I need it." I said no, I don't want to.

The next morning we wake up, and I see her texting with the other guy, hearts and kiss emojis. I ask her why she still is texting him, so she replies, I can't do this, I need to break up. This time it's for good. My dad comes and get me, and we drive home to his place. I'm really upset. It's around the 6th of January. My dad is very difficult speaking about feelings and I'm not feeling very well. So I text my ex's dad if I can come over and talk. I tell him what has happened and show him my cuts on my arm. He think the best idea right now is for me to be hospitalized at the psychiatric ward. So we go. I'm there for 3 days, just laying in bed, not eating anything. I loose some weight. I don't hear from my ex even though I text her how bad I'm feeling. She only comes by 1 day with some clothes and leaves again, crying a little.

After I'm released from hospital I move in at my dad's. Some days pass. Me and my ex agree to eat some dinner at her place. I go and we sit on the couch holding hands and hugs little. We also kiss 1 or 2 times. When it time for me to leave, she says it's nice to meet like this. Some days later, we meet again at her parents house and on the bus we hold hands. When we meet we're not like upset and crying and stuff. If course we feel the break up, but we handle it well.

Around 1 week passes. I wake up to a text from her. She has fallen in love, she just wanted me to know. I feel devastated because I thought that maybe we were working on something, since we still are meeting and are able to kiss and hold hands. I go to no contact. But I still got my stuff at her place and around 1 week after no contact, I get a text from her, that we should arrange when I should come and get my stuff. We set a date and when the day comes, I go to her house. She says she will make some dinner for us while I pack my stuff. So I begin packing and soon I can hear her in the kitchen crying very loud. So I go down to comfort her and I shed a tear too. She cries for a while into my chest and then finishes dinner. When we are eating she asks me if I'm dating someone. I give an honest answer and says no, because I am not. I'm not ready I tell her. I can't move on so fast.

When we're finished eating I go up to pack the rest of my stuff. She comes and sits on the couch and starts crying again. So I sit to comfort her again, but I don't cry. She hugs me, holds my hand.

I haven't seen her since I got my stuff. She wants to be friends with me. She is also active on snapchat and Facebook, where she posts pics with the new guy. "Dinner date" "Feeling in love" that kind of stuff. I unfollowed her on snapchat bc I don't wanna look at that, but we're still friends on Facebook.

I don't contact her and only replies if she texts something. It is not very often. But last week she texted a meme from a movie and wrote "this reminded me of you. I miss our movie nights." I replied with a smiling selfie and she sent a selfie back.

2 days ago I broke no contact. I was weak. I said it is a waste to throw our relationship away. We can build something new. She would think about it. Today she said she thought about it and wouldn't give us another chance. I replied no, do think about it some more. We are worth it. She hasn't replied to that. But I still got some books etc at her place and she said we need to find a day where I can come and get it.

Some of you may be thinking whyi want to be with her. But it is love. I think we are worth it. She was my best friend. I'm a shy guy with a personality disorder, and she has been the best person ever I could talk to about anything. Most of the time I've lived in this country has been together with her.

I feel to confused. I feel like she is sending mixed feelings. It's been some time now since I last saw her. She still sees the other guy I can tell from Facebook. But if she wanted to think about it, maybe it's not something serious? As mentioned I'm 27 and my ex is39. The new guy she is seeing is even younger than me, 24 or 25.

When I scroll through her profile pics on Facebook, she still got 5-6of us together. And we are also tagged on pictures where we hold hands, are together etc. Some weeks ago I went to a bar where I checked in on Facebook writing "cheers" and she liked it with a heart. Also posted last week a story on on Facebook of my dad's dogs, which she liked. She watches my stories when I post. Does it mean anything? And does it mean anything when she sometimes posts pics with him and texts like "feeling in love" "dinner date" etc. Like is she trying to make me jealous? How can she already move on?

I just want to be with her, even though all the things that have happened the last 2 months. What should I do? I feel a little better after sharing this story. What are your thoughts on this?
« Last Edit: February 15, 2020, 04:34:36 AM by corrupt_filez »

 

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