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Author Topic: The breakup was all my fault? I can't move on.

August 05, 2019, 08:12:10 AM
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djolen


So, 3 months ago my girlfriend came to me and said she would like to break up because we weren't seeing each other as frequently as before. We were together for one year and six months and everything was good, except last 2 months of our relationship. I admit I wasn't giving her enough attention for those 2 months, but i was busy. My parents were sick, we were broke and i had to study so much more than her. So i said that this might not be a rational decision and asked her to wait for one or two weeks to give us space to get back on the road and then if it's still her wish then... what can I do. She agreed. That night everything turned to be good. She even called me and said she loved me... we talked for 2 hours and it was like old days, like we didn't have that akward conversation about breaking up. But when we started hanging out, she was again cold and wasn't interested. I was killing my self to make new good moments, to show her that I care, because I really do. But nothing, she was looking at me so empty, and tbh I waas afraid of that look... it's like she was possessed. Couple of times i have asked if there is someone else and she always furiously responded "No.". So we went on like that for 10 more days and eventually broke up. I was devastated. Before she wanted us to be friends and I didn't want that, because i would always look at her like she is my girfriend and that would've been akward. When we broke up i couldnt endure the pain and said that I'm okay to be friends with her. But that didn't go as well as I thought... she was acting akward, like she didn't want that anymore. She was cold, rude, and always trying to hurt me and show me how much she didn't care about me everytime we talked. So that on and off thing lasted for almost two months. And everytime we spoke she was never sure and never could say the words "That's it. It's over and we're not getting back together". She was always saying somethink like "Nothing is for sure, we'll talk. It's not sure we won't be together again after this exams pass...". She was giving me false hope. We finally agreed not to talk to eachother anymore and I went to give her some stuff she left in my house. That was our last talk. There she again blamed me and tried to make me guilty and convince me that the breakingup was all my fault. Then her phone rang and she got a message from a guy i was suspcting she likes. I asked her about that and she gave that cold look again "Would it change anything if you knew?"... I didn't know what to say. Then she admited she was seeing him and said that they were together 3 days after our first talk. That was cheating!!!! We were still together tback then. I couldn't believe what she said.... So, she's now with that guy, she's happy, everything is going well for her and I.... I can't move on and it's been three months. I can't stop thinking about her and I cant study which will most likely cost me a year. Money my parents don't have... but i just can't.

Also, we started our relationship after she was cheating on her first boyfriend with whom she's been for two years. She was cheating him with me for 6 months... And now she did the same to me, but not only that, now she's okay with the first guy she cheated on for 6 months. She said she can now talk to him since he's not nagging like I do. I honestly don't believe he know that she cheated on him for 6 month and I think he blames me for that because she told him the same story like she did to me. "You didn't give me enough attention, blah blah..." and just broke up with a guy she was for 2 years because he wasn't giving her enough attention... So literally she twice jumped from one to another relationship... I don't know what to think anymore, I'm literally devasteted.


August 06, 2019, 02:01:47 AM
Reply #1
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Roosje


Dear,
Don't be so hard on yourself please.
I want to say that being happy and successful is the best revenge and also the best way to get her back.
Show her and yourself your strength!
Hope you can.

Love and Light

August 06, 2019, 02:03:50 AM
Reply #2
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Roosje


Another question:
When was the last time you put you first? Pampered yourself, stood up for yourself, did what really felt good to you and how did you do it?
Try to get back to that recovery point.
Focus on you! Love yourself first.

August 06, 2019, 08:25:19 AM
Reply #3
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djolen


But i feel like i really hurt her. It's true that i didn't give her enough attention those 2 months. And i could've... Yes, i had problems, but the biggest problem was myself. I slipped and created a prison of my own in my mind. Why didn't I see she was craving for more attention? I feel so selfish and worthless... I don't think there is anything worse then not being comfortable in your own skin and hating yourself and that's where I'am now. I literally feel like garbage - she replaced me for something new, and invited the old back into her life... and where am I ?

Also I'm afraid. I'm not a guy that will go out in a club and pick up some random girl... I don't like that, and tbh don't know how to do that. We were friends for 4 years before we started dating. I feel like I've ruined the best and only opportunity in my life... I don't know... I've never felt this kind of emptiness before..

August 07, 2019, 04:40:07 AM
Reply #4
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AshleyTuong


Hi Djolen
Let's take it easy, calm up yourself. That all not your fault break up is 2 people's fault. You knew what is your bad, and she maybe just expect that too much on you. If she really love you she will understand and support you to until you two are together again instead of trying to get back to another old boyfriend and have fun with him.
At your best you’ll never be right for the wrong person, but even at your worst the right person will remind you of you worth. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Don't let someone be a priority but all you are to them is an option.
You still young, life goes on. Dont worry you will find another better girl for you. I believe so let's get up, be yourself and help your family the best you can. Family is most important now not a irresponsible girlfriend. I hope everything will turn great for you and your family.


When there is life there is hope

August 07, 2019, 02:02:10 PM
Reply #5
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djolen


Thank you all. I'll try to give my best. It will be tough, since i have to see her every single day with her new boyfriend...but I'll try.

Just hope things will be normal as they used to be.

August 08, 2019, 01:07:42 PM
Reply #6
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leafsfan1967


Chin up my friend! I wish you find peace and happiness.

August 10, 2019, 04:49:25 PM
Reply #7
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noisyproblem


I know that feeling, it will take time, but you'll get over it!

September 08, 2019, 06:41:17 PM
Reply #8
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sarah14


I know how you feel. I was left after 5 years. He was all I ever wanted, and I felt absolutely horrible when he left me and blamed everything on me. I know it's really hard, but try not to keep re-analyzing things. It doesn't matter what was whose fault because none if it changes anything now. Just try to accept that that is over and move on.

And I know exactly how you feel about not even knowing how to go after new people - I'm a total weirdo outcast and was with the same guy from 16 to 21 and had no idea how to go about finding someone new after that. But you can and will find someone better, even though it seems like you won't. You've probably heard it a million times, but time is the best healer. Give yourself time and allow yourself to be happy with new people.

September 08, 2019, 07:29:39 PM
Reply #9
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jorge


You have to move on with another woman. Your girlfriend did the same cheating number twice!  What more of a reason do you need that it's time to find someone else? You can always find a far better woman.









________________________________

autistic screeching - A Cry for Help from Children with autism   

 

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