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Author Topic: Should i break no-contact after a immature breakup?

September 11, 2019, 09:02:03 AM
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Offline

Zatus95


Hi!

This winter i got to know a guy. On tinder. 900 kms away - on the other side of my country.
ive seen my self as bicurious, but never been interested in a guy - before NOW!

After our match - we talked and talked. For maybe 6 hours a day - in about 35 days. After 35 days i finally could meet him on my trip to his town. We were already so sure about eachother that we even met for the first time in my hotelroom for the night (with no sexual intensions).

From now it even got better and better. We visited eachother across the country almost every second week for months. The relationship got stronger and more intense for every meetup. We started to tell familymembers and met eachother friends. I had a hard time coming out as BI. But now its great.

Anyway. Our last meetup was 1 month ago. We stayed with eachother for a week - the longest period together ever. And it was amazing. The connection, the chemistry, everything was extremely good. We both talked about a bright future together.

But then i had to leave back home - because he was about to move and start a new job. 500 km closer to where i live, great i thought!

We agreed to meet up at his new place in two-tre weeks. But it never happend, because from here - everything stopped. After speaking 6 hours a day in several months the communcation just stopped - from nowhere.

I guess he was very busy with all his arrangements on his new job/place. But i could surely tell he was online on social media often as before, but he didnt reply on my messages. At least we managed to agree that he would call me asap he got time so we could discuss whats going on, because he clearly gave signs that he was insecure about continuing the relationship.

The days went, and he didnt contact me. I got surprised, desperate and sad. I texted him one morning and said this doesnt work and wished him the best future - on a desperate move hoping he would finally contact me.

I later got a reply that that was might the best idea but it was sad we couldnt talk about it. That made me angry, and later that day i was drunk on a planned party with friends, and i managed to block him from all social media.

Two days after i regreted this, unblocked him and send him a sorry text. The only thing i got in return was mocking.
After this there has been no communication for 4 weeks.

Im glad ive got self-knowledge after this situation. Now i can tell that this situation was made by immaturity, his work-stress, my overthinking and our lack of experience and communcation skills to handle this kinds of situation. This was the first relationship for both of us.


For me - it felt and still feels like an extraordinary match. But does he anymore? I want to contact him. And i have a feeling that he wants it to happen aswell. We been on a no contact period for 4 weeks now, and feelings and frustration has calmed down for me - probably for him aswell. I guess i still want to wait 2-3 weeks to extend the no contact period.

Do you folks think i will look desperate if i contact him? Or should i just go all in?

Long distance sucks! :D


September 18, 2019, 06:30:10 PM
Reply #1
Offline

chrishen


Do you see how it's a stand off and you're on the edge to contact him? It's because you're still interested in him.

People want to contact people they're interested in, and people who don't contact people they're not interested in.

You said you have the feeling he wants to get intouch with you? What feelings specifically? But more important why isn't he? Is it a standoff? Are you both playing games.

If so, the outcome will be the same whether you contact him or not. A) You don't contact him and move on with life B) You do contact him, he says no, and you move on with life

Or he says yes, in which case outcome C) You start dating a guy who plays games like "Who gives into calling first".

They all seem negative to me. I would say that option A is the best, but if you can't bare it contact him. The end result is likely the same. Who cares if it looks desperate at this point? It's not as if he's head over heals with you and "looking desperate" will make him do a 180.

Call for one last request to meet up if anything, and if it's a no - there's your answer and closure.

 

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