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Author Topic: My partner decided to leave me after over 10 years but we still live together

August 31, 2019, 02:31:17 AM
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miap123


My partner and I had been together for over 10 years. He's been depressed the majority of that time and I always tried to look after him and snap him out of it [doesn't work, in case anyone wants to know]. We've led a relationship where both of us have led quite separate lives, lived together but always did our own thing. I really enjoyed that. It gave me freedom but a level of security and stability.
I love my partner.
Earlier this year, we had planned to move to a different city which he never wanted to move to. For various reasons those plans fell through and he was happy about it. But he fell into a major depression, gave up all his hobbies and just cried all the time. He then saw a therapist once a week, but did little else to help himself other than think excessively. He has no friends. I am the only one. He hates his family.
Two weeks ago he broke up. Says he wants a new life - the one he had promised himself but didn't happen because we didn't move to the other city. His emotions and reasons are a hotch-potch of: this relationship was not giving him enough intimacy and he wants a new life. Our break-up was sad, but full of love and respect. We decided to stay in the house we rent for another six months until the contract is up (the city we live in makes it difficult to just move around due to high costs). I love the house we are in. He just recently renovated it.

I feel so utterly blind-sighted and betrayed. I am so sad about it all. I know that life will go and I know that maybe he did me a favour (living with someone who's depressed is a drain), but I feel like the carpet has been swept from under my feet and I am left to grapple with all these emotions that I never signed up for. I am also in the stages of a major career transition and just wanted to focus on that.
I don't want to leave the house we're in, but he does asap. He says he can't take this break-up seriously if he feels everything is like it is before. I don't recognise him. I've been trying to remind him that we had a good relationship and that he shouldn't forget that. Truth be told: he is such a selfish person right now, it really hurts me, because I don't recognise him at all. I think he will regret this break-up and he did it for the wrong reasons, but the only way to find that out is to wait I guess...

September 02, 2019, 08:08:42 AM
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PottedPlant


It sounds like maybe his depression is too much for him to deal with on top of a relationship. He may need time to get himself back together, and feels he can only do that alone. It's hard to hear, but it's probably for the best you two take some time a part, for both of your sanity.

Get out there and find yourself again. It could be something that makes both of you stronger, or it could be the wake up call you needed.

 

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