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Author Topic: My fiance dumped me on social media.

May 04, 2019, 11:44:01 AM
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catlady063


My ex-fiance and I have been dating for a couple of months and we got engaged quickly. We genuinely loved each other no doubt but for the most part, I was not really showing him enough attention, respect, love and affection. I have alot of stress on my plate but I was so secured of our relationship that I was compromising it all the time. I could have treated him better for sure. We've been constantly fighting lately, we were just not seeing eye to eye, the part that he complained about the most was, I was not able to handle our fights in the best way possible. My ex-fiance had this tendency to always push me to my limits, in the sense, everytime I was very upset, he would not leave me alone and just want to talk about it, never was a time when he tried to let me calm down first before trying to sort the issue out, even if I begged him to give me a minute to cool down, because I knew better, he won't take no for an answer. Fast forward, we had a disagreement few days ago about his poor communication lately, he was way better, but I think I can blame myself for that because I was not giving him enough attention. We were not able to sort out the issue that morning that he showed up at my house and the next thing I know, he changed his social media profile picture, removed our photo together, changed his engaged status to single. Again, I did not handle the situation the best way, I went to his house, removed all my stuff and gave him back the ring, because of course I just got dumped and worst, on his social media account. I was upset, told him he's pathetic for always posting our personal issues on social media, as he had that habit of sharing his thoughts to the world when we fight sometimes. I called him after a few hours when I could think better, but he did not want to talk to me, had to beg for him to pick up the phone, which reminded me of myself too, like how I was to him sometimes. He did not want to talk to me, not want to discuss about it, he just told me he had enough of it, even dropped the call. This happened last Wednesday night, and ever since then, I did not contact him as he's very upset. I want to know if this can be fixed. I really want to fix it, I don't want to throw this away without even trying to work it out. This is our first big break up, before, it was just me all the time trying to leave his house, cancelling the engagement, but not close to breaking up with him. The problem was me, I was too complacent of the relationship that I felt like I did not have to work on it as my energy was so used up in dealing with other stress that I have right now. It's been 3 days of no contact so far. I want to know if there is still a chance of him changing his mind as this is the first time he ever did this to me.

May 05, 2019, 12:39:22 AM
Reply #1
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lovey_dovey


He needs space. He is hurt and angry. If you consistently keep trying to reach out to him he will back up. He will just get reminded of how hurt he is. I am going through something similar. And I am just know realizing that all he needs is space. You are telling me you guys loved each other. However, taking someone for granted is a very bad thing. No one likes to feel like they are being taking for granted. We like to feel special. We like to feel important , specially with someone we love and are willing to dedicate our lives for. While you are giving him space, try to work on yourself. Think about how he felt. Take the responsibility for what happened. Accept that you made mistakes. Also, even analyze the whole relationship. We can love someone very very much and want them in our lives forever, but think "are we really a good team?" "will I be able to give him the attention he needs?"
I know how frustrating it is to want to pour out our feelings to this person, right now it's not the time.
He will eventually calm down and be ready to talk. Listen to him. Do not try to get your point across, do not be defensive about the situation, that will push him away even more. Do really try to understand where he is coming from. Maybe you guys had very different ways of being raised and that affects a ton on how we are in relationships. Take a step back and see the roots of the problem. Avoid thinking with emotion because that won't help at all. Be as logical as possible. I know this is not maybe what you want to hear right now, we like to be comforted. But relationships are not games, they are important and a big deal.

Give him time, space. Give yourself time and space. Do not send thousands of messages, do not call 10 times. We don't like to feel to be forced to do anything.
Hope this helped!

May 05, 2019, 07:08:34 AM
Reply #2
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catlady063


Thank you for the response and it's been helpful. I have not contacted him for 4 days now and my emotions have been up and down for the past few days. I am just really waiting for him to reach out, hopefully.

May 22, 2019, 07:58:11 AM
Reply #3
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catlady063


We have had our communication on and off and now he blocked me. I sent him a lengthy message with my apology 5 days after the breakup and we met up for dinner supposedly to talk about what had happened but I think everything is so fresh for him Anyway, moving forward, I did make effort to win him back, went to his house twice, talked to him, and I did all these because one time he told me that although I was sorry, I never really did anything to fix the situation and never made any effort to get him back and he said he is done chasing and doing the work to fix it whenever there is a problem. I did the long talk, apologizing repeatedly and assuring him things will be different but then he is so confusing because doing what he was expecting from me, he would say he is not really sure right now if he wants to work it out again, he does not know if I should keep trying but when I tell him I will just leave him alone then, he would say he doesn't know if that's what he wants also, he just simply does not know what he wants at this point but he says he misses alot of things about us but also enjoys the peace being alone. I think I will just leave him alone for good this time.

May 24, 2019, 01:28:07 PM
Reply #4
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maxx898


My brother had a break up like you have, and the only thing that helped him, at least mentally - adult meeting website, where he found a girl, that helped him to relieve some stress and huge sorrow.

 

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