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Author Topic: My ex is sending me mixed signals but I really want her back

September 16, 2019, 08:43:06 PM
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I dated this girl for a year and a half. We went to the same high school, were in a majority of the same classes, and even shared the same group of friends. I really loved her and she loved me a lot too, probably more than I loved her if I’m being honest.

However, over time she started to become more and more clingy and possessive. She would want all of my undivided attention if we were hanging out in a big group of friends and would get really upset if I told her that I wanted to be a part of the group, not just with her. I would also get super jealous whenever she would hang out with our friends and I wasn’t invited and she would do the same. Overall, there was a lot of jealousy going on and because I was around her so much, I started to get really suffocated and like I couldn’t take any time for myself. It was pretty toxic. Although, I really liked her and we still hung out often and did normal couple things like go on dates etc.

Over time, I just got less enthusiastic and I pretty much took her for granted. Our friends began to notice the effects that the relationship was having on me too, as I became very negative, pessimistic, and unpleasant to be around in general.

Towards the end of our senior year of high school, we were at a party with all of our friends. I wanted to go swimming in the pool with some of the other people at the party, but she didn’t want me to go swimming because of one boy who she had always felt a bit threatened by and she also didn’t bring a bathing suit. I pretty much told her that I was going swimming because I wanted to and she got really upset over this. Because she was so upset, I got really angry at her because I felt like she wasn’t giving me space. Anyways, I go swimming and after I get out, we get into this huge argument and in the heat of the moment, I tell her that I don’t love her anymore. At that point I wasn’t sure if I meant it or not but I knew that if I tried to take it back she wasn’t gonna believe me. She pretty much told me that she had known for the past few months that I didn’t love her based on the way that I was behaving and she was very upset that I had lied to her when I told her that I loved her. After she calmed down, we agreed to keep dating while we tried to work things out between us.

For the next few weeks, things were pretty tense between us and she told me that she didn’t like being around me as much anymore because she felt like she couldn’t trust me. Obviously, I understood where she was coming from because I had been lying to her, but I was still pretty upset when she chose to hang out with someone else instead of me.

A couple weeks after that, she ended things between us. She was very calm and was very understanding of my emotions. She told me that that night at the party when we had had that argument that she knew she had to break up with me. Even though our relationship was toxic, I was very, very upset because she was honestly my best friend. She said that we could try and still be friends in the future but she needed space for now.

After that happened, I made several mistakes. I would try and text her and try and meet up or try and change her mind instead of just respecting her wishes. Eventually, she did agree to meet up with me and we ended up hooking up. I thought that things were back to normal and that we could continue to see each other. For the next few days, we would text and facetime like we used to when we were dating, but we didn’t actually establish the state of our relationship. This whole period ended when she told me that she was going to hang out with one of our friends and I asked if I could come because I felt left out. She then proceeded to get mad at me and tell me that I was crossing a boundary and that I needed to stop trying to control her life. I was very confused because the night before we were facetiming like normal.

Later on that day, she calmed down. I was going away to sleepaway camp in a few days for around 2 months and I asked if I could see her one last time before I went away so that I didn’t leave with any bad blood between us. She agreed and we had a relatively normal day of us hanging out. It was a bit awkward at times but not anything too unusual. She even hugged me good-bye and said she would miss me. The next day we ended up hanging out again and it was fun and normal.

We texted and facetimed a few times while I was at camp. She got upset at me once because I commented on the fact that she seemed very uninterested when we were on facetime. However, after a few days I reached out again and she seemed fine. After the two months were over and it was time for me to come home, I asked her if she wanted to hang out when I got back and she said yes and even seemed excited about seeing me. When we did end up hanging out, it was fun at first but got very awkward very quickly. She told me that she was planning on seeing a movie with our friends in a few days and I got very visibly upset when she said that I wasn’t invited (keep in mind I hadn’t seen any of my friends in two months). We started to watch a movie and she said that she was bored and she got up to go home. I told her that she should stay but she just said no and proceeded to tell me that I hadn’t changed at all in the two months being away (despite me telling her that I was going to try and change and become a better person). She said that all the people in her life that she trusted all told her to stay away from me and that until I got some professional help, it was best that we stopped talking to each other. At this point I was crying but I thanked her for telling me all of this so that I could really try and better myself and my life.

I then made the mistake of reaching out to her after she had said all of this and she told me to leave her alone and to never contact her again (she was very angry at this point). I saw her in person the next day at a party we both went to and things were fairly okay. She did actively try to avoid me by walking away whenever I was involved in a conversation or when I asked her a question in response to something she said, she would give me a very short one word answer.

At this point, my other friends had all pretty much taken her side and I was left with nobody. My friends all reached out to me and said that I was toxic and that they didn’t want to be around me anymore so I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I unadded them on all social media to prevent myself from seeing their posts where they were having fun with each other.

A few weeks after this, I had my first appointment with a therapist. This caused me to make yet another mistake and I reached out to her again. I was very friendly and just asked how school was going for her (we had both just started college the day before) and that I understood if she wasn’t ready to talk to me yet. She proceeded to get upset with me and told me to leave her alone. I told her that I had started seeing a therapist and I thought that maybe that would mean we could talk again but she said she didn’t believe that I could change after one session with a therapist (fair point). I then said that although I had only been through one session, I was constantly trying to get better even outside of therapy. Later on, she messaged me and told me that she was sorry that she was being rude to me and that she knew it wasn’t going to help me. I just told her it was okay and that I understood.

Cut to a few days ago, I posted something on my instagram story asking people to play iMessage games with me (which is something me and her used to do all the time). About 10 mins later she sends me a request to play 8-ball pool. I was so excited to finally hear from her that I played her back right away. We played a few more games and kept a very casual sarcastic conversation going. A couple hours after our last game I checked and saw that she was active on instagram so I sent another game request but she never responded. I’m very confused because before she seemed very engaged in the conversation and she would even respond when I would just say things like “ok.” She was actively trying to keep the conversation going. It’s been a few days since I sent the request and she still hasn’t said anything. I’ve even been posting random things on my instagram story to try and get her attention, but she only views them and doesn’t say anything. I was posting so much on my instagram story that I ended up just deleting instagram so that I wouldn’t annoy her anymore with my stories.

My ex girlfriend reached out to me after she told me to leave her alone just a few weeks ago. She was responding to something that I put on my instagram story. We had a very casual, sarcastic conversation, but out of nowhere she just stops responding. She still views my instagram stories and I ended up deleting instagram because I was posting so much just to get her attention and I figured that I would just end up annoying her.

My question is what should I do? Should I just leave her alone and see if she reaches out to me first? Should I reach out and say something funny to try and start another conversation or do you think that she will just get upset with me again and remind me that she told me to leave her alone? I really want a second chance with this girl and I honestly think that things would be so different the second time around because our lives are so much more different than how they were just a few months ago. I’m remaining hopeful, I just don’t know where to go from here.

September 18, 2019, 01:21:30 PM
Reply #1


Drama caused by your insecurities pretty much every time. Deal with those, and you'll come across better to her. She's obviously picking up on you being extremely reactive to her too, which is not attractive to women at all. Why are you getting mad at those things? and added to that you are publically having arguments.

I think your best bet is to leave her alone until you reach some sort of breakthrough with yourself. Literally don't initiate for a month at least, and if she replies to you, even tell her "I need a month of no contact." - It'll be tough, but it'll really send a message of strength and dedication to growth. Also, are there any other girls you can go on some dates with? This might help you to take her off this pedestal. You seem to be oozing neediness a bit as well.


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