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Author Topic: Love of my life left me

January 13, 2019, 12:25:25 AM
Read 4128 times


Sorry it's a long one :(
We were both 20 at the start of 2016 when we got together, but had been talking on and off for almost 2 years before hand with just flirting and great conversations. For 2 years running before we were even together we were each others New Years Kisses, the first of which being my first kiss. To this day he is still the only person I have kissed. He was my first for everything. This was by choice, I had just never met anyone I liked enough or thought would be worth dating. I lived 3 hours away for the first 3 or so months of our relationship as I was studying, he lived in my hometown. I moved back home, but before we hit 6 months he asked me to move in with him as he had just bought his own place. Fast forward to the end of 2017 and he sat me down one night at the end of November and said that we didn't talk any more and he felt smothered. After a lot of talking and me crying I asked if he wanted me to move out. He said no. We both went on from there and made the effort to joke around and chat more to each other. I felt like we were happier than ever and in the middle of 2018 he asked if I wanted to buy a house together, I said yes. We spent a few months looking at houses, but wasn't successful in getting accepted yet. Then, on the 19th of Dec he sat me down again, almost exactly a year later, and said he felt smothered and we need "some time apart to get excited to see each other again." Which broke my heart because I got excited to see him every time he came home. He also said things like "we just do the same thing" and "spend too much money". He asked for space. So I stayed at my mums house again, barely heard from him for 2 weeks but I let him have his space. I would still see him on Snapchat going out to parties and having fun, whilst I was in turmoil. On the 8th of Dec he asked to "catch up", and he broke up with me. He said he still loves me, but he can't commit and needs to be free to be himself. I said things like "nothing will be the same without you" which he denied, that it will be. He also said he wants to "be apart" instead of using the term "break up". He said that over the "last couple of weeks we've drifted apart", which I hadn't felt at all. It's now been just over a month, the first 2-3 weeks he messaged a couple of times asking things like "How are you holding up", and "hey. hows thing". On New Years eve(which would have been our 5th one being each others New Years Kiss) he asked if I ended up going out, which I did. I asked him not to kiss anyone to which he replied "I'm not planning on it haha", and I replied "It's new years, you dont exactly have to be planning on it", he only replied "I'm not lol". I now havent heard from him in 13 days. It's been a month since we broke up and it feels like it's getting harder, not easier. I loved his entire family and friends, I was so invested in our relationship and was so happy. I thought he was happy. I feel like I gave him everything and it still wasnt enough. I feel completely empty without him, and barely leave the house and he's out every weekend looking like he's having the time of his life. I suppose I'm asking what your thoughts are on our situation, and I guess if you'd say there's a chance we'll end up together? I don't know what I'm asking really. Just heartbroken. The breakup was so sudden and out of the blue for me, but I suppose I don't know how long he had been feeling this way as he didn't talk to me about it until there was nothing I could do to change his mind.

January 13, 2019, 11:17:45 AM
Reply #1


I read your story. It may or may not be a comfort but I want you to know that your experience is not unique. It happens often. If I read your post correctly you both are in your 20s. Relationships at that age are so unpredictable. With emotions flowing it will be hard to be objective but the truth is that it is better you find this out now than to marry and he cheats on you.

You say he is out and having a good time. How do you know this? If he is cruising the bars and putting on a front, that doesn't tell the whole story. The whole bar scene has just as many lows as highs. The lows are usually when you are sitting at home with an emptiness you keep trying to fill but never find.

There is a lot of gaps that makes it hard to say for sure why he did what he did but more importantly it is what you do now that will determine how you handle your loss. To mourn a loss is common and expected. But it doesn't reflect your worth. You already shown your maturity and willingness to love someone. The person who deserves that kind of love exists. And one day you will find him or he will find you.

I'm 66 years old. Spent 23 years in the military. Been through more relationships than I can count. I know it is a cliche but I do believe it is better to of loved than not have loved at all. At your age you have a life to live so please live it. When the mourning is over, be the best you can be and some day you will find the love that deserves a heart like yours.

January 21, 2019, 01:50:06 PM
Reply #2


I can relate. Just attempt to live your live as normally as possible and realize that you can get back together in the future potentially.

January 23, 2019, 07:52:07 AM
Reply #3


I can relate. Just attempt to live your live as normally as possible and realize that you can get back together in the future potentially.

I don't think so, it's important to move forward from any relationship that's broken, it's not healthy to hope that the relationship may happen again. The chances are, harsh reality, it most likely won't.

surround yourself with people, stay positive, keep active! @skyeag123

February 08, 2019, 04:07:10 AM
Reply #4


Yes, seems like you need to focus on you, keep distance and she'll wonder why

February 09, 2019, 02:16:32 AM
Reply #5


If they truly felt the way they said they did they wouldn’t have left. Move on you deserve better

March 06, 2019, 01:11:06 PM
Reply #6


Just want to send a hug as I’m going through a rough time myself x

April 02, 2019, 06:44:35 PM
Reply #7


I understand your hurt in this time of need for advice, I too am going through some pain.

June 19, 2019, 12:44:04 PM
Reply #8


I am going through sort of the same thing. I know it is tough, but I want you to know you are not the only one. Try to put yourself out there. Every new relationship or experience brings you knowledge on how you can learn about yourself and what you really want, especially with other partners.

June 24, 2019, 09:05:43 AM
Reply #9


Im going through the same situation. I guess we just have to take each day as it comes. I hope you start to feel better

June 26, 2019, 05:53:13 AM
Reply #10


You’re 20.

I’m in upper level management and one of the main things i stress to middle mangers is that the moment you decide someone isn’t working out, the sooner you part ways, the better.  Granted, i support a few attempts to resolve but the reality is, when it’s decided that it’s not a good fit, the sooner you part ways, the better.

I realize you may not appreciate comparing your relationship to a business practice but, there are similarities. 

Oh, and you’re 20.

Do something for yourself, put your game face on and get back out there.

January 04, 2020, 10:56:54 AM
Reply #11


It's not healthy to stay in those kind of relationships that you've described, it will be better for you to break up and move forward.

January 05, 2020, 05:59:38 PM
Reply #12


A few of the others have said..It's not healthy to stay...it's good advise

January 09, 2020, 04:30:35 PM
Reply #13


He does not seem reliable for you. My girlfriend broke up with me after 5.5 years just after Thanksgiving. I have been devastated, but she seems fine. After trying to win her back over a month, I have accepted the breakup and cut contact. She wanted to continue contact, even going out and showing affection. I will never move on with that arrangement. I am 64 so my life's outlook is very different. I remember some difficult breakups in my 20s. One breakup left me devastated, but I eventually overcame it and found new relationships.

Given his unreliability, I suggest (my advice is not worth much) that you move on. If he wants you, he will return. He seems to want his freedom more than you or even a relationship. Statistically, restarting after a breakup is not likely but every relationship has unique elements so it is possible. To move on, follow advise from breakup articles and blogs as much as you can.

February 11, 2020, 02:47:29 AM
Reply #14

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