Eleven years ago I met a girl that has changed my life forever. We were both in high school at the time and she was in the grade below me.
The first time I saw her I instantly was attracted to her, but she was dating someone else. They ended up breaking up, and eventually we ended up going out. Looking back on it now, knowing what I do now, I was extremely lucky to have this girl in my life. Being young and dumb, I didn’t realize what I had. We were both physically attracted to each but at such a young age, I knew nothing about love, or how to treat someone you love. We ended up dating off and on for a little over two years. During our relationship we both thought we would be together forever, but things changed. I ended up joining the military a year after high school, and she was about to graduate. Our lives were truly about to start. I joined the military and it changed the plans and it started to create distance between us and our relationship. I shipped out and came back, she was the first person I wanted to see. We ended up getting together while I was back on leave and it was amazing. I spent the last night before I had to leave with her and it was hard to leave her. Left again for while to attend some schools and came back. While I was gone I  thought about her quite  often, and we would talk occasionally. She wanted to come see me when I got back, for some reason I ignored but she still came over to see me. I remember her looking at me with excitement, it was great by my mood at the time was not the same. For reason I let my bad side take over and I told her I didn’t love her anymore, and I still did. It was one of the dumbest things I have ever done,  she left extremely upset and me being young and dumb didn’t care like I should have. I just let her go. That was one of the worst things I could have done. We didn’t have a perfect relationship by any means, but we had love. Which I also didn’t realize how much that she actually loved me, or how long she stuck around, or how many times she forgave me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment, I’m extremely sorry for what I did and wish I could change it. With everything that had happened I didn’t deserve that girl, and I lost her. I tried for as long as I could to get her back but nothing worked. No matter how much time I waited, or what little thing I thought I could change. It wasn’t enough, and it was to late. Time went by and I realized that a lot of the problems that came from the relationship were mine. I left here alone and time went on. I still think about her I’d say almost everyday. I am in a relationship with someone else that I do care about a lot, but I have never felt the way I did with my first love with anyone else. Anyway time went on she started dating another guy. She ended up messaging me randomly asking how I was and talking about or past. Just seeing message from her filled me with emotions we talked for a day or so
and then not six months later the guy she had been dating proposed to her.  It really destroyed me inside when I found out she would be getting married soon. I felt like I had lost of piece of me. She ended up getting married to that guy, they also now have a kid together. I would never do anything to mess up their relationship, but I always wonder what life would be like had I known how to express my feelings better. It really sucks seeing some you love with someone else and knowing what you had will never be again. I know I’m not in love with her, but I’m pretty sure I will always love her.  Treat the people you love the way you would want to be treated, an don't take your loved ones for granted.  Today I really wanted to message her after over two years of not talking but instead I wrote this. Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated!