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Author Topic: Lack of trust, she cheated on me. Should we Try Again?

May 24, 2020, 11:01:20 AM
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Hello. Any advice would be most welcome :)

Me (m35)and ex-Girlfriend (f27) had been seeing it eachother since the start of the year and we got very close to eachother. We both fell in love after maybe 2 months of dating and regularly seeing eachother. Everything was going great until the lockdown happened. (uk)

Basically a little background.

She comes from a real good family background, her parents are amazing, fun and very loving people but if they knew what she was like they'd be mortified...

She is a well known girl in town. She is used quite a lot by guys and has many fwb, fb "friends". I always knew she had a bad reputation as I have known her for maybe 4 years from the local town nightlife. We have always had a thing for eachother going back years and around the start of the new year we finally got it together.

I was willing to give her a chance. She told me about her past and how many guys she's been with and that didn't even concern me as I wanted to take a chance with her because frankly, I liked her and still very much do.

She hasn't had many relationships, I think I was her 2nd ever proper boyfriend. Guys don't tend to see her as girlfriend material they just want to use her and she's always been silly enough to allow them. I think she does because she gets very drunk, perhaps 3 times a week very regularly and can't control herself when her guys come calling.

I knew all of this before we got together but like I say, I was willing to give her a chance and I told her when we started to date that I wanted to move in stages to build up trust because I knew of her background.

From when we started dating and forming our relationship we were constantly seeing eachother every other day, we were building a trust and I believe it was working but then came the lockdown and yes, my trust in her started to fade quite badly.

The lockdown had a major effect on us with not seeing eachother and although we remained in touch every single day it wasn't the same as being with her in person. I'm the type of person who prefers interaction to be face to face and I fail at anything else due to my poor communication skills with modern technology, I don't like social media for example while she does. And yes, she likes it a lot, over 2,000 friends on facebook etc.

To cut a long story short, we didn't really start to drift apart but with not being able to see her my trust started to wane badly and my jealously went sky high. We would have little fall outs about this and I would act like a real idiot to her sometimes but we always made it up because we're in love with eachother and she understood me well.

When lockdown was eased in the UK I wanted to see her real badly and she wanted to see me. I would ask her to come over to my place to chill out and she never said no, but instead of coming to my place she would always end up going to one of her friends places instead.

The first night we saw eachother, I went to her friends place and we were having a good time together. Then one of her fwb/fb "friends" rang her up and she answered the phone and totally blanked me. Saying she was at her friends house with "just" her friend (no mention of me) and they're just about to go to sleep. It annoyed me because she had been texting him before he rang her and she carried on and answered her phone to him while I was there. I got up and left, my lack of trust in her and my jealously got the better of me but while waiting for my taxi (outside the house) she came out, said sorry and I went back in.

The next few times we met up it was a similar story, I would ask her to come over, she didn't say no but end up going to one of her friends place and yes, me, being the fool ending up going to see her.

I understand now that she knew my lack of trust was hurting her and she couldn't face up to it because she had been flirting with other guys, probably for weeks, I suppose it didn't make her feel any better when I was constantly fearing of her whereabouts and I would have to go and see her to make sure she's not up to anything, it must have really hurt her, she must have felt I was suffocating her and I understand this but I couldn't stop myself.

Even though she would always go to her friends houses she would always return home with me and stay the night.

On wednesday morning we had a real bad fall out and her dad had to come and pick her up from my place because I upset her. I told her I was felling 2nd best and she wasn't showing me enough attention and I wanted to be alone with her, while we were sober so we could talk properly for a change and she got up and left. We made it up together and both said sorry and said we'd both try to work it out.

On the friday, two days later. She stayed at home for the night. I did ask her to come over that day but like all the other times she didn't really answer me and never said no. She enjoys to drink at home and let her hair down on friday nights during the lockdown.. We had a major fall again because she was very drunk and I could read her comments on a facebook page to some guy she knows who was doing a live show. It upset me. I told her it upset me and she being blind drunk just took offense and she's only just admitted to me she was wrong to have done it.

Anyways we had this huge fall out and she went and rang up one of her "friends" who came and picked her up and took her back to her his place. I knew what she had done and afterwards she came to my place around 5am in the morning and stayed with me until around 4pm. I knew she'd been with someone else and she wanted to tell me so sadly it was making her panic at times and yes that's another issue, she suffers from panic attacks at times.

Alas, as soon as she got home she rang me up and told me she's gone behind my back, I already knew she had, she just couldn't tell me to my face. I've had to break it off with her and let her understand that wasn't acceptable.

She is in a real bad way at the moment, I've been in a bad way, and yes we've been in contact, still are, but I'm starting to drift apart now as we both need space. She wants to carry on but I've told I can't for the time being.

I do believe we love eachother, she's sent me some texts which shown me how sorry she is but I just can't face her again for the time being and told her maybe in a few weeks we could try again, start to date, but I need to know if I should or not. I do love her, she means a lot to me and I think she's great.

Having little trust in her from the outset was bad enough, what would it be like next time? I've told her to change her ways. I just don't think she will. She's murder when she's drunk, sadly that's the truth. She can't handle her drink well.

If you've read this. Thanks, any advice is turly welcomed :)
« Last Edit: May 24, 2020, 11:07:18 AM by Jim7498 »

May 24, 2020, 04:39:41 PM
Reply #1


Your story has so many ups and downs and yeah its very hard to understand what she is doing and what she wants to do. I mean she is lil confused with herself. Coming back to your question about trust then i would say its hard to trust and carry on with what you have gone through but that doesn't mean you won't let her prove herself. you would need to understand and let her explain as tot why this all has happened. Girls sometimes have a hard time in explaining things and in most of the cases they are unsure of what they are trying to explain and what they are saying. Its just a matter of communication system between the two. Even in some cases boys have the same tendency of saying something and end up saying something else. So i would say to sit and spend some time together and talk, talk and let that session should end up in clearing all your doubts and her doubts. I am sure the situation will be win win for you both. Hope i answered your question. If you still have more doubts then do leave your comments.

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Thank you

May 24, 2020, 07:42:49 PM
Reply #2


I’m sorry man, I wish you could change her, but that just doesn’t seem likely. I wish you the best but I’d let her go. Cheating for me strikes home and if she seems like an alcoholic you can believe she’ll eventually make another bad decision.


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