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Author Topic: It hurts to let go. Looking for advice/encouragement

December 31, 2019, 09:15:18 AM
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Archie Anonymous


I broke up with my gf at the beginning of November. We went NC for about a week (not enough time), and then we got back in contact as friends. Letting go of her just about killed me... and now I feel that I may have to do it again, as I feel that I am just upsetting her constantly by still being in contact with me. And it will be torturous to watch her move on before my eyes.

I broke up with her because the relationship just felt like a big mess... I felt like I was wading through muck and mud all the time to make it work. The four major reasons I broke up:
  • -At the beginning, I helped her cheat on her now-ex. She was living with her ex all throughout the relationship and still does; her ex hates me and didn't allow me to visit. I do believe she was loyal to me through the whole relationship, though.
  • -Additionally, we live 1.5 hours apart, where I couldn't visit her 95% of the time because of the ex and she could never visit me because she doesn't have a car.
  • -I am freshly graduated from college and still don't know exactly what I'd like to do with my life. It feels wrong to pull her along through that.
  • -I am living with my parents and am financially dependent on them for the time being. They don't approve of the relationship. On top of that, most people I'm close to thought I should let her go.

I must admit it was exhausting trying to maintain such a complicated relationship while living in an environment of constant disapproval. I reached a point where I just wasn't very happy anymore... I longed for a clean slate. And I thought the only way to achieve that was to let her go, all the while hoping we get another opportunity in the future.

I guess I'm not really sure why I'm posting this... perhaps it's because I've chosen to still be in contact with her and so face a lot of doubts on my decision. She is a wonderful girl, and I so want to make her happy. But the situation remains the same; nothing has changed. Do you guys feel like I made the right decision? Do you recommend going NC again or continuing to stay in contact?

January 02, 2020, 01:28:25 PM
Reply #1
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FreshStart


As hard as it is, let her go. Completely. It is the only way for both of you to move on and for both of you to find people who make you truly happy. Everyone goes through tough times, but I don't think relationships are supposed to be that much of a struggle all of the time. I've also noticed that a red flag is when your friends and family don't like your S.O. They usually have more insight than our love-clouded judgement. It looks like you have solid reasoning for ending it, don't doubt your decision. Heartbreak sucks. But it sounds like you are starting a new chapter post-college and I wish you the best of luck. Keep moving forward.

January 03, 2020, 04:47:14 PM
Reply #2
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emmaemmi


I'd advise you to do the same as the person before me. Let her go.

I know it's hard to admit, but you're hurting more because you're still hung up on her instead of just finding peace. Also, it does not sound like you are feeling better by being in contact with her.

I mean, what you could do, would be the following: Stop the contact completely. And go on with your life, distract yourself and maybe find a new hobby or as you said: find that direction that you need in your life. That would be a wonderful task for the time coming and you will feel better. After quite some time, when you're over her and do not have any romantic feelings left for her. NONE! Then maybe a friendship can be possible, if you want her in your life for the kind and good person she is. Maybe after some time and with a clear head you don't want to have her in your life at all anymore and that is fine. That means that you've moved on.

I can't tell you how long it is gonna take, but I think it's at least going to be 3 months to half a year, maybe longer. But as I said: Don't waste that time, go and become an even better version of the wonderful person you already are  :)

 

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