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Author Topic: I think I was a rebound...

September 11, 2019, 12:10:46 AM
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very1997


So, I met this guy a year ago at a "party". I already knew him from sight since we live in the same city and I knew he had a girlfriend. It happens that it was a type of "party" (it is a city party we have every year where we live) that goes for 5 days and every night we met and he flirted with me. I didn't like that he did that because I knew his girlfriend and I thought it was really disrespectful. It happens that they broke up on February this year and 2 months later he started to send me messages, even talking about the interaction we had in that "party". I have to be honest and say that at the time, last year, I really felt a lot of chemistry between us but I didn't make any move because I knew of the girlfriend. So I was really excited when he started to talk to me on IG because I felt all of that chemistry. However, he wasn't as interesting as I thought he was. He is really good looking and I think that is what caught my attention. So, we started to talk and I was playing kind of hard to get and he really put effort on that, I have to admit. So we had our first date and I have to confess I was disappointed because he really wasn't the person I thought he could be so I decided to not continue anything. however he really pushed for us to have another date and the next time I saw him was at a college party, we were both a little drunk and we ended up making out. I have to say he was only the second guy I have ever kissed in my life so I instantly regretted that I did that at such circumstances and I thought "well, he already got what he wanted, he will never talk to me again". The next day he said we should talk about what happened so we could ignore it or try and see what we could have. So for about 3 months we were together like a couple, we talked everyday and he really made an effort for that since I was still playing hard to get and not answering his texts, he always started the conversation and wanted to be with me. The thing is when I talked about us being is a relationship we would say "I just got out of a 3 year relationship, I think it is very soon for us to assume a relationship" and I understood that. He told me and assured me that everything with his ex was over, that they had a break last year and then came together again and then o February they really broke up because things really didn't work out between them. although he always told me she was always going to be really special to him because she made him happy for a long time and they we're alike in a lot of stuff. At that time I told him I felt that things between him and his ex weren't solved and I didn't want any drama in my life. he really pursued me at that time trying to show me otherwise, and I decided that maybe he was really into me and I should give him a shot. After a few weeks I felt he was really distant, we weren't talking as much and he never had time to be with me (he works from 8.30am to 11pm everyday, he has 2 jobs). I was concerned and tried to make him realize I wasn't going to waste my Time on him. He said "let's see where this could go but I'm not ready for a relationship right now" even though he treated me like a girlfriend he just didn't want the "title". but all of a sudden it looked like he lost the interest, he went 4 days without sending a single message and I said "look, I'm starting to have feelings for you so if you don't want to be in a relationship with me just say it before I get to attached". we eventually met up and he said it was my decision to wait or not but maybe the best thing for me was to wait. he said he was used to his new freedom and independence since he broke up with his ex and that he wanted to enjoy his freedom and not be with anyone for awhile. He also said that he would probably regret doing that to me and that maybe he was just trying to protect himself. I have respect for myself and so I told him it was better for us to not be together anymore and I walked away. I was and I am really sad, went to the hospital and I've been taking medication since I felt really depressed. I felt like he used me as a rebound, it told me what we had "happened" and he took me to the bootom. I never talked to him again, I don't see his instastories or even like his posts on IG since I am trying the no contact rule. I think he noticed I don't like his posts so he stoped liking mine but he still checks my instastories. we "broke up" a month ago. this weekend he had the so called "party" that we have every year in our city and I saw him one night, we made eye contact but didn't talk or even give a smile to each other. It happens my friends told me last night that the night before he saw him holding hands with his ex girlfriend at that party. I don't why he told me he wanted freedom and be single, that he needed time for himself and after a month he is with his ex with whom he had such a toxic relationship. Can you please give me your perspective on the situation? will he regret? will he stay with his ex? will no contact help him realize he made a mistake or was I just a rebound for him? please help I am desperate, I really fell in love with him

September 17, 2019, 01:33:26 AM
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formalfairy29


From an outside perspective, it really does seem like you were a rebound. It looks like he still had a lot of issues with his ex, and it was honestly kind of uncool for him to constantly bring up his ex around you. It also sounds like he has some commitment issues since he didn't want to label you as boyfriend/girlfriend. I would just reach out to him and tell him how you feel and see how he responds to that unless he has explicitly told you to not contact him. Communication and honesty are key to a lasting relationship so if he's unwilling to hear you out at the beginning, it doesn't sound like it will last. Although I believe in second chances so if you think he's really over his ex and is willing to commit, then you should give him a second chance.

September 17, 2019, 02:42:57 PM
Reply #2
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chrishen


Generally, if a guy gives you the conversation about "I dont want the title," he's not that into you at all and most likely never will be. The thing with guys is that they don't need any emotions involved to flirt with, date, or have sex with women. Guys will date women for months knowing full well they don't want it to go long term and that it's simply regular sex for a while and affection addiction (due to the chemical release of oxytocin during intimacy). A guy could have the hottest, coolest girl in the world and still be drawn to someone less attractive for the pure reason that they are new and different, even if he doesn't plan to be with them.

That's the male lens. Especially younger men. A lot of the time women (and men) make the mistake of looking at the world through their own lens instead of the other persons.

 

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