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Author Topic: I made a mistake dumping him. I want him back

July 08, 2019, 04:58:22 AM
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alikat808


So I dumped my boyfriend of 9 months over a huge fight, 2 months ago. I did it in the heat of the moment, because I felt like he didn't care about my feelings or perspective. I realise it was a communication issue and regretted it immediately. I know I hurt him and should've given him space, but I got emotional and I made the mistake of harassing him way too much. I said very mean things and calling him a lot because he didn't want to talk or didn’t respond how I wanted. He's blocked me multiple times but always unblocked me when I apologise and asked to talk. But then I'd get angry again and he blocks again. He's unblocked my phone number and we talk briefly now, I have also apologised profusely and told him I didn't mean any of what I said. (I really didn't.) But now he has started sleeping with other people and told me he doesn't want to ever get back together, but said he "can be my friend if I want". I also slept with him a few times after the break up. I am so devastated. Is there any chance I can mend the relationship? Thank you so much. :'( :'( :'(
« Last Edit: July 08, 2019, 05:06:20 AM by alikat808 »

August 03, 2019, 02:56:37 AM
Reply #1
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chrishen


It seems like the answer is, No.

He even explicitly said it. He seems to have already moved on and is enjoying his freedom. You can learn something from this though. Remember that EVERYTHING is feedback. Nothing is inexplicably "bad." Even though you're feeling that very limbic response of "Loss."

One thing specifically he did very well that you can learn from was make his boundaries known. When you flew off the handle he mentally referred to those boundaries (consciously or unconsciously) and pushed you away or blocked you. If you put it into writing it was probably something like, "Don't engage with women who hurt me emotionally and harrass me." - A good boundary to have.

Not sure what else to tell you, other than learn from it and there's a lot more out there and you'll be better prepared for it when it comes along, actually the more mistakes you make and learn from.



August 03, 2019, 03:21:43 AM
Reply #2
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alikat808


Yes, he was smart to do that. It upset greatly a few months back but I'm glad he kept his boundaries when I mentally couldn't. It was a blessing in disguise because I am doing well as a single girl now and focusing on myself. Definitely a learning experience for sure, he was my first serious boyfriend too, so it was hard but life goes on right?  :)

October 29, 2019, 02:56:40 PM
Reply #3
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rg88


Sadly I would say in my opinion its time to move on. It seems although you guys had a great initial connection that there was some massive underlying issues with communication and you both couldn't get past that. Ask yourself is this how you really want to spend the rest of your life? Pining for someone and going back and forth into a cycle of making up, breaking up, talking one moment and then not talking another? I would say to immediately go no contact and heal from within you will certainly thank yourself in the long run.

February 01, 2020, 07:47:00 AM
Reply #4
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Steviee86


Same as the others as soon as someone starts sleeping with other people they have moved on.
If they date and nothing else those people are only there to fill the time while you get yourself together again. Then maybes try again.
But in this case it's just sex buddies or friends.

February 03, 2020, 06:41:35 PM
Reply #5
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Nanangoz


My advice would be to be frankly honest about the situation and pour you're hearing out and by doing so simply be authentic about your emotions and time of reflection.

Sadly there might be some mistrust that may have been built but you will never know this unless you move forward in forging the relationship once more.

February 06, 2020, 03:28:30 PM
Reply #6
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Matilda


So I dumped my boyfriend of 9 months over a huge fight, 2 months ago. I did it in the heat of the moment, because I felt like he didn't care about my feelings or perspective. I realise it was a communication issue and regretted it immediately. I know I hurt him and should've given him space, but I got emotional and I made the mistake of harassing him way too much. I said very mean things and calling him a lot because he didn't want to talk or didn’t respond how I wanted. He's blocked me multiple times but always unblocked me when I apologise and asked to talk. But then I'd get angry again and he blocks again. He's unblocked my phone number and we talk briefly now, I have also apologised profusely and told him I didn't mean any of what I said. (I really didn't.) But now he has started sleeping with other people and told me he doesn't want to ever get back together, but said he "can be my friend if I want". I also slept with him a few times after the break up. I am so devastated. Is there any chance I can mend the relationship? Thank you so much. :'( :'( :'(
Are you prepared to say everything to him that you have  posted here? To explain why you did what you did, why things would be different now etc. In short, what I am getting at is are you serious?

February 07, 2020, 07:58:55 AM
Reply #7
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Adamsv11


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February 11, 2020, 01:35:08 AM
Reply #8
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melissa brown



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February 25, 2020, 11:35:40 PM
Reply #9
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techexecutive


Try asking him if you and him can resolve the problem?

February 28, 2020, 06:14:23 AM
Reply #10
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Graceamazing84


Perhaps you could try and write him a letter?

March 20, 2020, 08:35:18 PM
Reply #11
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May34


I am with the above responses about writing a letter. And hand write it as well imo; it may sound old fashioned but it shows more effort and thought went into it. And you'll have to be absolutely, 100% honest about everything, and say everything you told us here. At that point the ball is in his court.

Though in my opinion, it may still not go well as it sounds like he has moved on. You pushed him a lot there. Just be prepared for that potential outcome, but I'm rooting for you here!

April 02, 2020, 01:15:35 AM
Reply #12
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DreamGuyxo


You can always start a relationship again when the both of you agree on it at the same time

It seems to me that your ex boyfriend wants nothing to do with a relationship and sees things better going in his own way

I would say to try and continue contact with him as much as possible and to keep conversating to the point where you can have a chance to bring back the relationship

The relationship you have right now with him needs to be serious and you need to bring back those serious feelings that you guys once had together.

Serious relationship with some acceptance can go a long way.

:)

April 13, 2020, 01:27:50 PM
Reply #13
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Agirl


Maybe it is time to move on, or if you do get back together be careful and improve the communication between the two of you

April 15, 2020, 01:41:22 PM
Reply #14
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tooty123


i get that you like him a lot but you have to really distinguish between did you truly go out of context or was he generally uncaring and tried to string you along.

i just recently got out of a situation where i made mistakes, however i was always the one apologising, never him.
it sounds to me like he knows you like him and wants to keep you around. not all guys are worth the sorrow that you have trust me. i learned the hard way many times.
the best thing you can do right now is get back to being yourself again before he came along and made you this irrational person. manipulators know how to push buttons and do it in a way that makes it seem like your fault. though my experience is different to yours, so if you did indeed upset him and overreacted you can only do so much on your part. the rest is on his.

he said he just wants to be friends, he could mean that or he could be hoping you catch the hook so he can keep you around to get whatever he may want from you. be it sex, ego boost, company etc
it's up to you if you choose that or not, what you can't do is change someone else's mind or their behaviour. we can simply right our own wrongs and if the other is not willing to meet halfway then you got your answer. sometimes its best to get an outside opinion, though only you can make things happen. if you don't want to be his friend but more, and he's not willing to become more. walk away. if he only wants you around just for his own benefit and he will show you with inconsistent inconsiderate actions that are self based. walk away.

you have to be ok with walking away no matter how much it hurts. he just may come back to you once the dust has settled or he may not. but by then you may of met someone else. good luck


April 20, 2020, 06:37:51 PM
Reply #15
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jerseygirl2020


I had a very very similar situation. me and my ex boyfriend would get into a fight and I would let myself say hurtful things.
He told me he was 100% done and that we do not work. However, he couldn't bring himself to date or sleep with anyone else. We ultimately got back together even though he claimed he was certain he was done with me.
So I believe once they are able to do that, go and sleep with someone else, it is a type of damage that can seldom be reversed. Do you even want him back now knowing he was intimate with someone else? I mean I am no prude but that would be the point of no return for me. 


 

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