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Author Topic: I have difficulties wrapping my head around my breakup

August 19, 2019, 08:41:35 AM
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Long post, sorry.

So i've been together with this girl for 4 years, we've had our ups and downs like everyone, But she claims I've changed and becoming more and more stressed out, not wanting to do anything, only caring about money and so forth.

The reason for this is, she's only worked a total of 6-8 months in our relationship, so I've had to pay for almost everything, and also do the chores around the house after work or on my off weeks/days, she cooked dinner and did the laundry(But I had to help with laundry anyways) and she was such a slob, dirty clothes everywhere, dirty plates in the livingroom yadda yadda yadda.

I accepted this, because she got diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression so I was like, I'll ride this one out.

We were also planning to get engaged, maybe buy a house(she started getting insurance money, thats when it came up) also children were planned in the future incase she ever got better.. Also planned a ton of trips

But now were here, she broke up with me after a fight when I was super tired after work, and didnt want to help with laundry, I'd rather focus on cleaning around the apartment because we were also 3-4 weeks away from moving to a new place.

Her reasons were, I've changed and I refused couple therapy a few months ago, and she has been having these feelings for a few months now(Literally 2 weeks earlier we were talking about getting engaged)

So, we broke up.. She went to her grandmothers place, didnt even take a day until she texted me and came to my place, stayed for 3 days and then bailed again.

But shortly afterwards she was always sending me a picture of her at her grandmothers place almost everytime we talked for some reason, I'd ask whats up? and she'd just send me a image with her at the dinner table or something.. Then it stopped, she ghosted me on the snapchat map, added it back in again, and then ghosted me again without giving me a valid reason when I asked why.

I was kinda expecting a new guy and I asked her about it, she said no and said she's just been hanging out with friends, and I was like ok ill just accept it I guess..
And I was still trying to get her back for a week,maybe a week and a half, but she turned more and more cold towards me, claiming she doesn't know, barely responding to texts, not picking up the phone.. AND I managed to convince her to go to couples therapy(Not getting back together, just going and talk with them)

But they were on vacation so we had to wait for a few days,and then  she cancelled after a few days.

Went into full no contact shortly before she cancelled, because I was acting a bit crazy so I figured it'd be better this way.. After a few days I just asked her to be honest with me and she said there's a new guy she's "interested in".. I went full No contact after that, I didnt confront her or anything.

While all of this was happening, she avoided me like the plague, refused to pickup her stuff from my place,aside from necessary clothes.

Then we get to where we are now, I got invited to dinner by my sister and a few of her friends, And my ex knows I had a thing for one of these girls like 7 years ago, she texted me the same night(how she found out I dont know) she said this and that blabla about this girl.

After dinner we all went out for drinks, and I've been somewhat friends with this girl so she got the brilliant idea to post a snapchat story to my snap with me and her sitting fairly close on the couch, so we did.

I woke up the day after, my ex had messaged me but nothing about last night, she was just talking about her stuff(which I've been pestering her about picking up for more than 2 weeks)

So long story short,she came to my place, tore me a new one, kept comparing me to the new guy and how much better he is and how mature he is and how immature I am(He's 40,she's 20 and im 26) and how she actually slept with 2 people before she got involved with this guy, She also subtly hinted that they're moving in together and about a million other things.. Threw some of my expensive electronics around(Didn't break anything thank god)

She also kept insulting me trying to put me down for my flaws about how im shy and whatever this and that, like she went really hard.. Never seen her like this in our 4 years.
So she left my place(still not picking up her furniture and stuff, she just took some small things)

And yesterday I confronted her about some rumours I heard about her hooking up with this guy a month and a half before our breakup, she said denied it and there wasnt more to that, except she was spamming me about who tf said it but I didn't budge, didnt insult her, call her names, beg or plead, I just said.. "There's no point in lying, and im not sad or angry, Im just happy I know now"

And now today, she spammed me about how I should leave her and her new boyfriend alone(which I've been doing,except that message I sent yesterday) And how she doesnt care at all if I sleep with 500 girls, and how that condom wrapper she saw on the floor halfway under my bed was strategically placed there by me so she'd get jealous, which I honestly forgot even being there because I slept with that girl like a week after our breakup and realized it just made it worse so I stopped trying to hook up with girls and just focus on myself. She also explicitly stated that she has absolutely no feelings remaining for me anymore, like nothing at all.

Also I've heard from my friends who still follow her on instagram and snapchat that she's constantly making posts or story updates about how great her life is, and updates about her having dinners with guys, cozy saturday nights infront of the TV with that guy and photos of her wearing his hoodie in his bathroom and this and that, But I know how emotionally unstable that girl is, I've known her for 5 years and I have no doubt in my mind that she's still sad despite being with a new guy.

So wtf is going on here? I've been talking with my friends and no one can understand it either, everyone has different theories that conflict with eachother because no one had first hand experience with this kind of post breakup behaviour.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to vent and try to understand this(I dont want her back, I just want to understand)

« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 08:56:41 AM by asdf »

August 19, 2019, 11:57:27 PM
Reply #1


After reading your post, I honestly just think she's immature. You also mentioned she's emotionally unstable... That's an issue. She may just be unhappy within. Something is missing or broken. With being in a relationship with her for 4 years, she also just may have gotten bored. If she's 20 now means that you guys got together when she was around 16. That's a pretty long time to be in a relationship with someone  starting at that age. She's young and wants to experience more in life. So let her. With her acting the way she is, is for attention and nothing more. When I was 20 I did kind of the same thing (i'm 27 now) which was trying to make my ex jealous and chase after me. Not even really wanting to get back with him. I just wanted some type of control.

At this point for you, the reason you don't have a clear answer as to why it ended, is probably because there isn't a real reason or, it's just not time for you to have that answer yet. Post breakup, she seems to be toxic. So just stay way from her and avoid contact and remove her from your life, social media as well. You don't deserve that. And it puts you back in control. During this time, look deep in yourself and heal. Find ways to make yourself a better person. And find your self worth. You deserve a loving relationship. And most importantly, someone who respects you.

This is not a loss from what I've read of your post. An unnecessary stress has been removed from your life. Take this time to build yourself back up, and keep an open heart for those who are worthy of your love. But also stay smart. Don't let others use you, or try to purposely hurt you like your ex is doing.

I wish you the best!


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