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Author Topic: i feel cursed, need some advice

June 08, 2019, 10:25:09 AM
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doesntmatter


Hey guys, i cant figure this one out, i dont know what to do anymore. But first ill give a quick intro. its a classic friendzone story.

So the year is 2012. I was 18 at the time and just came out of a rather toxic relationship of 2 years long. Needless to say that whole experience wrecked me back then, but then i met this girl (ill call her S) in my new class. S was amazing, and the chemistry we had... i havent had that with anyone EVER. Its not that we were "soulmates" or whatever. On the contrary; me and her were quite different, but more importantly we were the same in the areas that mattered. We both had the same view on life, and we could have a very deep conversation about anything really and it would never bore either of us. Our humor was the same and yeah, we felt strongly about eachother. Of course i fell in love with her after a couple of months, but when i told her of my feelings for her, she said it wasnt mutual. She loved me deeply, but as her best friend.
I accepted her decision because of the respect i had for her, she was still my best friend after all regardless of how i feel romantically. So thats how we went on. After a while I started dating some other girls, and she dated other guys but we were still the closest of friends. We saw eachother every day and texted every day. Come to think of it we were way too close! But anyway, this went on, and i kid you not, for SEVEN YEARS. During these years, she had 2 serious relationships with 2 guys, while i couldn't commit myself to another girl. I dated quite a lot, but i couldnt develop a connection that was remotely as strong as the one i had with S. None of them was... her. She was all i ever wanted. I quickly realised and aknowledged my feelings for her because i felt stuck. I couldnt move on. So we talked and i explained that our friendship of 7 years cant hold anymore. This happened 2 months ago. My feelings for her are just too strong and the more i go out with other women, the more i realise they arent her. In my eyes, shes my missng piece of the jigsaw puzzle. She makes me tick and without her i feel lost. But yeah, 2 months ago i let her go and said that this was the end between us, but it has been so hard... Normally, when you finish a romantic relationship, its hard but you can somehow close the chapter in your head because there is nothing but the romantic part. When you fall in love with your best friend however, you feel constantly in limbo. The relationship you have is so much more complex and advanced, i just dont know what to do with my feelings anymore. I cant be with her, but i cant get over her either. Now we occasionally text (once every two weeks or so) but we both admit that we miss eachother so much. I just cant be with her, if it isnt as her boyfriend. How do i solve this? Do i try to overcome my feelings and keep the friendship going or do i really have to let her go and if so, how ? Because everything i try, from working out to going out to whatever, its always her in my head. it always has been her. I feel cursed with a love, and a rejection, i cant bear anymore.

June 12, 2019, 08:51:51 AM
Reply #1
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Yuliya


Hi! My advice would be the one you least want to hear. I understand the feeling of rejection - you open up a number of times to someone you care about so much, and don't get the same in return. It must feel awful, it must feel like there's nothing you can do, but it is not entirely true. The only thing you're cursed with is a heart capable of loving and I prefer that to a cold piece of rock incapable of feeling any day. You will yet meet the right girl for you, that's one thing I'm sure of. But to get there you clearly need to keep your distance from S. While it will still take time for you to heal, it will be much easier without her around. Look, you've already tried to overcome this and be her friend at the same time and it didn't work. It's time for you to try a different approach. Get busy with your own life, set goals, follow passions and hobbies. At some point in time, I hope for you it will be soon, you will need to commit to a relationship with another girl. I understand that in your mind S is the best, but think about it: she has an advantage of 7 years of deep conversations and shared experiences. Even the most amazing girl in the world cannot match that in an hour's date time or even in a couple of weeks. Give it time, have faith and stay strong. Your life will be beautiful, you can do it.

 

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