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Author Topic: I am so lost.

June 24, 2019, 09:50:03 AM
Read 2607 times


Hello everyone, this may be a little long so im sorry in advance. I'd really appreciate any form of help or advice as brutal as it may be for me to hear. Im hurting already.
My situation:
Im 23 and had been with my partner 3 years. He is 21. However, almost a month ago he randomly woke up in the morning and told me he didnt want to be with me anymore and that he didnt love me anymore.
Obviously this took me by complete suprise and completly knocked the wind out of me because previous to that we had been so inlove. We didnt speak for a couple of days as he said he needed space, i didnt contact him out of respect, as much as it hurt to keep away.
He then gets in contact via text and was in contact everyday since, telling me he didnt mean it, he loves me more than anything and it was because he felt suffocated and that im too much sometimes? i apparently stress him out and dont let him live his life?! i never knew he felt like this because up until then he had never expressed this to me, our relationship seemed perfect and i have never forced him to be with me.
I was responding to his messages and calls and willingly holding on to him telling me loves me but when i would ask for us to meet and speak about our situation, his response would be that he is busy but does see us getting back together 'soon' but for now theres things we need to work on.
Insight into our relationship, it was intense very early on, we was infatuated with eachother and whenver we could be together. We would be. After a couple of months he moved in with me and im not making it up when i say things were perfect, we didnt argue, we somehow managed perfectly as a team and we both seemed incredibly happy, well i know i was. 8 months ago he had to leave for work and i wasnt going to see him for a few months, which we both wasnt ready for but i wasnt going anywhere and he knew this. We spoke every single day he was away and we sent letters every week. They was love letters, he would tell me the sweetest things. Every single day up until his return last month he would tell me that he cannot wait to come home so he can 'repay' me for everything i have done for him and he can show me how much he loves me. We made so many plans together.
I dont understand how he came home and everything was different? i dont understand why he needed 'space' away from me when we had already been away from eachother for so long.
So the month we have been seperated, hes been in contact regulary telling me he loves me but we have to figure shit out, so he doesnt want to see me. Everyone that i spoke to about it brutally said to cut contact because currently he is just messing with me.
Therefore, that is what i did because frankly, the on and off contact was causing me alot of pain. I went cold turkey and didnt responded to his constant calls and texts for several days, as hard as it is for me.
He went through a stage of blaming me for the ending of our relationship, he is acting competly irrational with the things he is saying and taking it as me not responding to him means i dont want to be with him? i recieve texts asking me if this is because i want to move on and meet someone else? and then the texts that he loves me and doesnt want to lose me flood in too.
SO FINALLY, i responded with a short and sweet paragraph that I love you so much and currently im not moving on with someone else but this on and off contact is extremely painful for me. But this is what you wanted. If you want to come home, you can. At the time he responded with 'this isnt what i wanted at all' He loves me, doesnt want to lose me but NEEDS MORE TIME.
Wednesday the 12th june, he asks if he can come over so we can talk, of course i say yes and he comes and at first its very awkward but evenutally we cant fight it and start acting as if nothing even happened. He tells me the sweet stories and im his again. We stay in contact until:
Friday the 14th of June. He shows up at my house and has brought dinner and he comes in and its still like he has never been away, he pours his heart out and we have sex and we shower together, he stays the night and doesnt leave until late the next day when he says he has to go?
That was the last time i saw him. I had been trying to mantain the fairly regular conversation (which i was still very nuch giving him his space) but i noticed the replies got fewer and he would be extremly short tempered when i would call to speak to him.
Wednesday the 19th he calls me in the evening and we have a long, as in a couple of hours, talk on the phone and he is telling me he feels lost at the moment, slightly depressed even. It hurts me to hear this because i know he has been through this before. We touch upon our relationship and he tells me he understands that at the moment things are hard for us but he will start to make more of an effort (as shall i) he seems better / perkier since speaking to me, we end the call with a good night and i tell him to just be safe and try to stay postive, he tells me he loves me and the call ends.
Thursday the 20th, he calls at around 2pm in the afternoon while i am at work and says that he has been thinking about our conversation the night before and that im right and he is going to start making more of an effort with himself and with me. I get a bit emotional because things have been tough and i hate being without him and i guess i was relieved to hear him say he was still there with me but before i can even get my words out he begins to tell me that this is not what we wants anymore? and again i am winded as i listen to him telling me that for him the 'spark' isnt there anymore and that his heart is no longer in this and of course im crying as i ask him why the sudden change in heart again? he says its not again, the last few times we was together he was 'trying' but it was forced. Ill be honest to say i tried to beg and plead for him to come and atleast speak to me about this because he was breaking my heart. He said no, i came home that evening to see that all of his things were gone. I obviously fell to peices. Im an absolute mess and tried to contact him after this and he would just keep telling me that he doesnt love me anymore and that he isnt coming home, he actually turned aggressive and nasty and was saying 'is this how i need to act for you to leave me alone?' and then calmed down and just kept saying 'your better than this, your better than me' he doesnt hear me out so i gave up.
He texted on saturday and wished my mum a happy birthday, i said thank you and that i do wish him the best. He proceeded to question me on what i meant by 'wishing him the best with life' he then explains he was only contacing me to be amicable and he wasnt trying to be misleading.
Ive made the mistake of looking on his social media and he has uploaded new images and videos of him out enjoying himself, laughing and smiling. He has also followed and is interacting with alot of girls that he didnt know while we was together.
My heart feels battered and i honestly dont know what to think, i know he is saying all of this but i can remember the way he was looking at me when was together that last time and the things he was saying, none of this makes sense to me.
I havent spoken to him since saturday the 22nd and i miss him more than i can explain, i honestly feel like i cant breath.
What, if anything should i do. Thank you for your time.

June 25, 2019, 10:26:07 AM
Reply #1


I totally understand your pain. It is so hard to explain. Why people push away something that feels so good, so right. It is like they purposefully self destruct everything that is good around them. Hopefully he will wake up and  realize what he is doing, what he is losing. I feel very much in the same situation and the pain hurts so bad that you'd almost rather be in a horrible accident than feel this pain. Do your best to stay strong. Keep your mind off of it as much as possible. I know it is much easier said than done. Keep fighting for what you believe in, what you had, who he is and how you both made each other feel.

June 26, 2019, 11:41:47 PM
Reply #2


I don’t know what to say other than keep the faith . I’m sorry you are hurting and that he is doing this . You deserve to be happy . Don’t ever forget that .

June 30, 2019, 07:57:13 AM
Reply #3


You have a deep strength within you. Don’t give up. Time will heal everything and as much as that means little right now take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself we’re all here

July 08, 2019, 06:39:31 PM
Reply #4


This just happened to me after 6 years and im 10 years older than you. Please if i can help at all im here. Im absolutely a wreck on the floor sobbing. But you are so young and you will find someone else. 100,000%. Me on the other hand I'm probably not going to be able to, at my age. So please be happy, bad choice of words, that you are so young when this happened. He sounds like he got freaked out about thinking about long-term with you. Most guys do at that age. They want to be free. Even at my age, that's what he wanted. I can hardly breathe right now. This all happened two days ago.


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