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Author Topic: Help moving on after a break up

October 29, 2019, 02:57:58 PM
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Hey everyone looking for some advice from your good selves regarding a girl that I had recently been dating up until about 6 weeks ago. We had dated for around 4 months which had started off very hot and heavy we had alot in common with each other and she seemed to tick alot of the boxes.

However the issues started to creep in and it became apparently clear that this girl had alot of insecurity issues and hang ups with her outlook on things. This manifested itself in behaviours of needing constant reassurrance (via text), frequently stating that she never knew how I felt about her and using statement such as "if you liked me then you would be doing etc etc". She also seemed to have alot of drama attatched in family/friends/work life and would frequently complain. Eventually this all took its toll and we had three significant arguments two of which we had allegedly resolved and the third which finally ended the relationship and we agreed to go our separate ways. These "resolves" were themselves challenging due to the fact that this girl seemed to find it impossible to speak out in person and what would tend to happen is that she would agree initially before getting home and sending me a barrage of texts of her true feelings on the situation.

To cut a long story short which had not spoken for about a month and I had seen her out in public and walked directly passed her but she appeared caught up in talking to someone so I did not intrude. The next day I had felt I wanted to to message her as I wanted to clarify that I had passed her and if she had seen me also I did not want to come across as rude or aloof. I still had a lot of feelings for this girl so seeing her really shook me. She replied instantly saying that she had not seen me and from that point we chit chatted back and forth till eventually she became very hot and heavy stating "not sure why you have messaged me, you had made it pretty clear before you didnt want to speak to me again", I explained that had not been the case and I had felt compelled due to the affore mentioned reasons.

We spoke for the next couple of days before she started to demand reasons for why I believe the relationship had failed, I replied to her saying that I thought it was impractical to anaylse everything as it had already been done and had put the offer out there to meet up have a drink/laugh and be amicable. She left me hanging for almost a day before replying saying that she had thought about it but believed that she felt things would never be any different and to leave things as they are. She also went onto say that she believed we were "looking for different things" and "would not find what we wanted in each other". This was a sentiment that I disagreed with but I respectfully accepted her answer and never contacted her again.

Fast forward about a week where I then recieve a snapchat from her with a picture of tour dates for a band that her and I both like. She had circled one of the dates and headed it with the caption "yesssss". Imagine my surprise when I had seen this as I genuinely believed I was never going to hear from her again, I asked her why she had sent this to me and she replied that she had set the image as her story and then had selected to send it to everyone in her contacts list. From my understanding this is not a feature that the app supports and it all seemed a bit too convenient to have just been accidental. I replied to be polite and just said "Fair enough enjoy they are awesome live" as I had seen this particular band before on two occasions. She once again replied with "yes its going to be siiccckkkk". I replied once more and said to "make sure you get involved with the crowd" (in regards to the chaos that often ensues at these gigs) she viewed the message and now has chosen not to reply.

Fast forward a 3 months and I still think about this girl regularly and often find myself longing for the relationship even though I know that this girl was not good for me. I had even seen her recently at a gig (completely unexpected) and know that I had got better in some capacity because my reaction was not as it had been before, in fact I had wondered why I had been putting her so much on a pedestal. Can anyone advise how to move on from this? What strategies did you all employ to move on? I’m finding it so difficult to get her out of my head.


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