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Author Topic: He asked for space and time alone but I think we broke up

December 11, 2019, 06:10:13 PM
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Rayray


My boyfriend of 14 months has a job in hospitality management and the Christmas period is very busy for him. The past 3 weeks he was working 16 hour days and 6 days a week and I was hardly seeing him. I began to moan about it but quickly apologised but then little things started cha going like the ways he messaged me and he stopped spooning me in bed and I brought these things up as I was worried but he just said it was fine and he was just tired. I got upset 1 week ago as I was worried something was up so again I asked and again he reassured me.

3 nights ago we planned to have a takeaway and tv night as we both finished work at 6pm and hadn’t seen each other for 3 days. It got to 7:30 and he still wasn’t home he said he was having a drink at work then would be home I said that was fine then 8:30 came and he wasn’t home I asked him to please come home soon he said he deserved to have a chill after a hard few days and I took it personal that he didn’t want to come home to chill with me...he ended up coming home at 11pm and I was moody because I was hurt and I expressed that I was upset as he would be going to bed and we had missed out on an evening together.

He burst into tears saying he couldn’t do this I asked him what he meant he said he couldn’t have shit to deal with all day at work then be getting it at home too. He said he hadn’t been alone since he was 16 (now 29) as he had gone from relationship to relationship and always got into the pattern of working loads and not being able to balance home life with it he said he needed alone time and he needed space and asked me to leave. He said things had been different the past few weeks even though he reassured me and said he was tired of always reassuring me. He said he didn’t have the time or energy right now to fix anything and that either work or the relationship had to go and work couldn’t.
 
I left and then he messaged me saying he was sorry and he loved me but he didn’t know what he wanted and needed to sort himself out.
I said I respect led that and I sent him a message telling him I knew we could sort it and that I wanted to support him and not add to his stress. I left it there as to give him space like he asked for but now after 3 days I don’t know what me next move is. Do I continue to leave him hoping he will reach out...do I message tomorrow (day 4) just saying hope you are ok...so I ask if this is actually a break up or just space....do I ask to meet up in a few days. I want to show I can respect him and not be needy but at the same time I don’t want to loose him.

December 11, 2019, 06:28:55 PM
Reply #1
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Thoughtfulman


I am definitely no expert but I have been through this before. It seems he is being open and honest about his situation but is he? As a man, I would never do that to a woman I love. If I was confused on needed space I would not need days to figure out if I want to be in a relationship. I know everyone is different but I would do that

December 13, 2019, 06:23:11 AM
Reply #2
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Captain Black


My view is that his head is all over the place and everything is getting too much for him  . As he got a track record of depression ? It sounds like to me that he is entering depression . I think he could need a medical professional to check him over . All you can do until he get this help is to keep checks on him as his behaviour very irattic .I have had depression in the past  and you tend to take it out on your nearest and dearest .
« Last Edit: December 13, 2019, 06:25:13 AM by Captain Black »

December 25, 2019, 07:02:34 PM
Reply #3
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Skb5525


Sounds just like what I’m going from. GF of 2 years has a new job and new house and I very busy. Suddenly not being affectionate blah blah.

I would continue to give him space and not make contact. Let him chase you a bit.

 

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