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Author Topic: Have I lost the perfect girl?

September 17, 2019, 12:01:33 PM
Read 870 times


TL;DR at bottom

Bit about me: 25 years old, good looking guy, single dad seeing my son 3-4 times a week, owner of a successful business. Never done anything casual in my life & personality is way more important than looks.

Bit about her: 26 years old, average looking (everyone says she's done well getting me, I think she's beautiful), single mum getting 2 days a fortnight to herself, works part time. Has a long history of boyfriends, casual relationships and one night stands but is looking to settle down.

Met her 11 months ago. First 2 months were rough with my ex causing so much trouble but she stuck by me.

Introduced her to my friends, she went from no social life to plans every weekend. I found out about her past (cheating, many many partners) and my insecurities regarding this made me stop us dating.

After a few months she was still in with my large friend group and we went from friends to friends with benefits. Turned out she actually still had emotions for me and hadn't been near anyone else the whole time.

This turned everything on the head for me, we agreed to become exclusive (we both were anyway but now it's official). And I let myself get some feelings but not much.

During/after nights out she'd get paranoid about me going for other girls as I was still getting attention. Often she'd cry but I'd always comfort her.

As I got more feelings, insecurities came back. Bedroom stuff became awkward for me as I was worried I wouldn't match the other 20+ guys she's been with for some reason. We'd talk a lot about it, she was very understanding and we powered through.

Later, she picked me up from a City 40+ mins away at 3am where I had been drinking. And I told her in the car ride back that I kissed girls that night. She was very upset of course and that's when I realised she did have a lot of feelings for me.

Months pass and all is good. She's doing many nice things for me and I'm starting to get proper feelings myself. Then we have a huge argument on a night out, me being drunk and honestly pretty nasty. I had kissed another girl that night while she was downstairs, although I can only remember 1 or 2 things from that night I was that drunk. She didn't know until a few weeks later.

The morning after, when I woke up and realised how I've basically lost her, I realised I am in love with her. A ton of apologies and promises follow. Later that week she finds out I kissed the girl, she's again devastated but I am assuring her it was a stupid mistakes

A month later, everything going well. We are at my house and in the bedroom (not sure how much detail I can put here). She suggests I do something I've told her to suggest and for some stupid reason I get majorly insecure and cause an argument over it. She ends up leaving and this is pretty much the last straw.

More apologies and promises. But this time everything is different, we both agree ONE more mess up and that's it. We are perfect for a month until...

After a night out, my drunk stubbornness causes major problems and after accidentality swearing on her daughters life instead of my parents (obv more context but not going to write it all), she's shouting at me for the first time and I leave.

Next morning, I'm blocked on everything. That was 3 days ago. I had our mutual friend contact her to send an apology messages but she's saying she isn't ready to speak to me.

There's a lot more to this about the nice things she's done for me, and the insane effort she's put in.

Seems I've lost her now?


We've been a perfect couple and best mates....except for when I've made stupid mistakes. She's stuck by me through every single one but now she's had enough and isn't ready to talk. I'm madly in love with her and saw a future for us both. Have I lost her?
« Last Edit: September 17, 2019, 12:08:20 PM by heymck »

September 18, 2019, 01:12:11 PM
Reply #1


Alcohol was the cause behind every mishap.

Quit drinking, or heavily limit yourself. Which one is more important to you? The girl or the drinking?

Show it with your actions. It seems pretty clear, that if you quit drinking you'll stop messing up.

September 19, 2019, 12:43:14 PM
Reply #2


Alcohol was the cause behind every mishap.

Quit drinking, or heavily limit yourself. Which one is more important to you? The girl or the drinking?

Show it with your actions. It seems pretty clear, that if you quit drinking you'll stop messing up.

Oh I'm fully intending on majorly cutting down how much I go out and how much I drunk when I do.

But that's if I get her back

Atm she's said she still needs space and isn't ready to talk.

She's hosting a house party tomorrow and has said I'm welcome to come. Our whole friend circle will be there

I think needing 6 days space to think about things pretty much confirms I've lost her though?

Regardless I'm going to go, looking as good as I can, not mentioning the past week and see what happens :)


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