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Author Topic: Girlfriend left after 2 years; is talking to other guy, very anxious

January 01, 2020, 07:18:42 PM
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What's up everyone, almost 2 weeks ago(Dec 20th, 2019) my girlfriend broke up with me. Before I go into detail, I'll give some backstory so those willing to answer can have a little more to go off of. This is going to be a really long post, so grab some popcorn.
My ex-girlfriend and I are both 19; we went to high school together, she was a grade below me. During my Sophomore year(her Freshmen), I sat behind her in our math class. I was a rather quiet guy, so I never said much, but I definitely had a crush on her. One day she messaged me over Instagram inquiring me about one of my friends whom she was interested in. Long story short, we talked for a while about her problems and life, and she ended up developing a huge crush on me--essentially, she stopped caring about my friend. I wanted to get with her, but a previous relationship had me scared to commit in fear of being betrayed. It was really unhealthy and led to a lot of jealousy issues with myself. So, for 2 years, I and she was just really good friends. Fast forward 2 years--it is the beginning of Senior year, Junior for her. Our last class period was together and we sat right next to each other. We started texting and finally admitted our feelings for each other. 5 days later we went to a school dance together and the rest was history.
About the first year of our relationship, I was very insecure. I would constantly accuse her of looking at other guys or would constantly ask if she was cheating on me. Where most girls should have left, she stayed and nurtured me. Over the months we built each other up, helping each other with anxiety and depression. She was absolutely crazy about me, we were extremely in love. We were each other's sole partner in the world; not only passionate lovers but best friends. She was the most loyal and precious thing to walk the earth in my eyes. The relationship is great. It has its ups-and-down, but overall, there are way more good memories than bad. I was certain I would marry this girl and she felt the same. We were each other's closest ally and dearest companion.
Fast forward to December 20th, 2019. She is lying in bed on her phone; I hop off of my computer and get into bed with her. I hug her and kiss her, then attempt to talk to her. The entire time she is ignoring me and acting very bitter. Of course, this upsets me and I ask why she is ignoring me. She looks at me and rolls her eyes. At this point, I get even angrier and ask why she is being so mean. She rolls over and said something that I thought was a joke at first, "I think I want to break up." My heart dropped, those were the words I absolutely would never have expected from her.

At first, she told me she was just unhappy. Her mind was dead set on breaking up, she would hear no logic or reasoning. Eventually, she told me that there was a guy at work that she was talking to for about a month. We'll call this guy "Paul." My ex and Paul apparently flirted quite a bit at her job for the last month. In our relationship, we set the boundary that flirting is unfaithful; I understand many people don't agree and I can respect that, but in our relationship, flirting was absolutely off-limits. She said that she and Paul admitted that they had feelings for each other. My response was rash, I was bawling and switching between a variety of emotions. This perfect girl that I thought was the sweetest and most loyal had completely flipped the switch on me.
Immediately after, her texts were cold. She treated me as if I were just some annoying fling of the past; she was being a completely different person--this was not the woman that I knew. She agreed to talk with me for closure the following Monday.

She came over Monday and we had a long talk. The entire time we were both crying, hugging, kissing, and holding each other. We reminisced and laughed about good times, she wasn't cold whatsoever. I admitted that I could be a little mean and unattentive at times, that I sorry and would fix it. I thought it was golden; however, she was still dead set on breaking up because she didn't want to fight for us. It was almost as if she didn't want to let go but something was forcing her to.
That night after she left, my grandparents picked me up so I could spend a couple of days at their house. On the car ride to their place, my ex texted me. She said that she was bawling in the parking lot of the Dollar General and spraying my cologne all inside of her car; she missed me terribly. Then, on her way to work that night(3rd shifter) she called me. She was crying and saying she thinks that she made a big mistake by breaking up with me and that she was sorry for everything. I comfort her and tell her that it is all okay and that since she only flirted with the guy, there was no permanent damage. She told me that she thinks that she is just letting fear of us having a problem again get in the way of fixing our relationship. She said that she and Paul had already gone on a day out to "make her feel better." They went to a museum, then to the movies where they held hands. That itself upset me a little, but I was extremely happy that she had realized her mistake.
Fast forward a few hours later, she texts(she is at work, yah know, where Paul is) me. The texts are cold, uninterested, and short again. She says that she thought about it and the only reason she thought she had made a mistake is that she saw how hurt I was. Just in a few hours, she went from being heads-over-heels to wanting nothing with me. We had a small argument over text and I ended it with saying that I was done with those games, that I was going to move on and do my own thing.
Fast forward 4 days without contacting each other, I cave in and text her. I ask if she is going to be at her parents that weekend like she usually does(my grandparents live close to her parents). She said she didn't know and asked why. I offered to hang out and just have a fun time, but she was cold again and used my own words against me about going on and doing our own things. She ended it with, "well I'm trying to take a nap before work, so." After that, I basically let my weakness get the best of me and apologized for the things I did wrong and how I loved her with every ounce of me. She ignored me all day and night. The next day, I sent a text asking if she was at her parents and wanted to hang out. Again, I was ignored. Later that night I write a long letter on Google docs about how I felt about everything. It contained how I felt she was wronging me, how much I loved her, reminiscing on good times, and at the end of it I said that it was goodbye and that I still loved her.
That was 2 days ago.
A bad habit I've developed is facebook stalking, Instagram stalking, and snapchat stalking. I know it is wrong and unhealthy, but there is a powerful urge in my gut that makes me want to check. She usually shares on facebook all day, but New Year (she had work off that night) she didn't post anything on social media. Even her snap map went ghost. I assume she was hanging out with Paul. I constantly wonder what she is doing with Paul and how she even feels about me anymore. I feel pathetic and beaten; 2 years and almost 3 months of the uttermost affection and care for each other, then she throws it out the door over 1 month of thinking.
My ex and I took each other's virginity, it is an extremely special bond that we held that added a lot of oomph to our commitment to each other. My worst nightmare is the thought of her doing some sexual or even blatantly having sex with Paul or anyone else. This girl and I oathed that we would be each other's first and only, that only we would give each other those aspects and sights of each other. The thought of her doing anything with another guy is making me absolutely sick, and I feel like I overthinking everything. I eat a lot less because I am so nervous that I get nauseous when I eat now. I know we are broken up so it technically wouldn't be wrong if we were intimate with others, but the thought of her doing it so soon is tearing me apart. My world is shaken and I don't know what to do. I am attempting the no contact rule, but even then I am afraid that even if she does come back in a few weeks or a month, that she will tell me that she and some other guy did things.
I know this girl inside-out. I've seen her at her worst and supported lifted her to her best. She was my rock and I severely miss her. I am so confused and don't even know what to do.
I truly put so much time, effort, money, and work into this girl and our relationship.
Sorry for the lengthiness, it makes me feel a better getting it all off of my chest. Thanks to anyone who actually reads all of it.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2020, 07:25:41 PM by hihi123 »


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