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Author Topic: Ex says she wants to "talk"...what do I do?? Advice needed

August 21, 2019, 01:08:43 PM
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loveandsunshine623


Hey guys! I won't go TOO deep into my backstory, but I will give you some context...

So my ex broke up with me about three weeks ago. She has a lot going on right now - she's starting a brand new career, and her home life isn't great. I was being clingy and needy, and not giving her the independence and space she needed. It made her feel stuck. So she broke up with me.

About a week and a half after the break up, I reached out to her and said I wanted to talk in person about the breakup. I told her that the issues we were having were fixable (the poor communication, my clinginess, etc) and we could work through them. She basically said that right now all she can offer me is friendship, she doesn't want to lose me, and that she isn't completely taking the possibility of us trying again in the future off the table, but she is for right now because it just isn't what she wants. She said she needed some space and time to heal, as did I. We both cried and sobbed horribly for hours...she held me while I cried, kissed my forehead, wiped my tears and rubbed my back. It was horrible.

At this point, I decided I was going no contact. I needed to just focus on myself and not worry about her or the future.
A few days after we met up in person, I accidentally ordered a movie from her prime video account (which I didn't realize I was still logged into). She texted me later that day asking if that was me that ordered a movie on her account. I never replied. (and to be fair, she had to have known it was me, no one else has her password and if she was really worried about being hacked she could've just changed her password).
Several days pass, I still haven't contacted her or reached out in anyway, and I get another text from her, asking if I'm up (because it was around 11 pm) and that she was sober, and she said that she "wants to talk" and that "there are some things she has been wanting to say." I didnt reply until the next day, and I said that I wasn't ready to talk yet, but maybe in a week or two I would be ready to hear what she has to say. And she replied within 10 seconds after I sent that (not even kidding like immediately) and said "that's okay thank you for responding."
Then last night, she liked a DM that I had sent her on instagram about a month ago... (insanely random??). Talk about out of the blue.

I should also mention that I unfollowed her on instagram and unfollowed her on facebook immediately after the breakup, but she did not do either of those things to me. She ALWAYS watches my snapchat and instagram stories, AND ever since the breakup, she has been posting a lot more on her snapchat story (pictures of stupid things like trees or a pair of shoes) which she never ever used to post on her story before the breakup.

So I guess I just want people's opinions on what exactly she might want to talk about or say to me? Or what on earth is going on? If she was set in her decision to break up wouldn't she just leave me alone? Or at least if she knew she wanted a clean break? We both said we wanted to stay friends (after some time apart to heal) because we wanted to be in each other's lives.
It is clear by her behavior that she misses me. But I just don't know what her intentions are.
I want to hear what she has to say but I am scared that I will just end up getting hurt again. I care about her a ton and I would be willing to work to try again, but I don't want to get hurt again.
I just have no idea what to do. Any advice or opinions would be welcome!

Thank you!! :)




August 21, 2019, 09:51:51 PM
Reply #1
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Ashley_91


Hello!

I too was dumped about a month ago, kind of for the same reason. They too mentioned being friends, since hey still wanted me in their life. I agreed, but also we both need time to heal. We both sobbed with one another as well, ha. But keep up with no contact is SO import for YOUR sake. If you talk to them now being still hurt and raw, it's just setting yourself up for more pain most likely. Get to the point where you accept the breakup and why it actually happened. Learn from your mistakes in the breakup. And understand that relationship is DEAD. It's never going to be the same. But that's a good thing because obviously, the old one didn't work out.

No one can know exactly what they want to talk about. It could be about the relationship and how you can work on making a better one. And it could also be them deciding that they never want to date you again. it's 50/50.They're coming and going because they are hurting as well and miss you too. Might even be a little confused. They're pretty much in a state of panic But again, you have to get to a point to where you're okay with the worst case scenario and talking to them without feeling like you're going crazy. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Forgive them for hurting you and their mistakes. And build yourself back up before even contacting them. Take as long as you need. After 31 days of no contact, I sent my ex a simple text about a band we saw together and that they were playing close by. Just wanted to let him know I was thinking of him and wished him the best. I wasn't expecting a reply. They replied though, said thanks and hoped I was doing good as well. and I could've replied to start a conversation but the thought hurt me so much I didn't and am currently working on being able to do that. And giving myself more time by not contacting them. You have to do the same.

When you get to the point where you're not afraid of what they might have to say, then that's the right time to listen to them.

I hope everything works out for you. Stay strong and stay positive.

 

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