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Author Topic: Does he care? I miss him so much

January 14, 2020, 09:12:19 PM
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Isabel91


Hello! So... this will be quite long. I really need your opinion.

In the end of November my boyfriend broke up with me. We were together for 8 years, and we met in university. Had a lot of ups and downs, as any normal couple, but we were (are?) the best friends of each other, and we love(d) each other so much.
The thing is... I have a lot of humor problems, and i kinda became very possessive and jealous. However, he always had patience, because he really cared about me. I know it was not a healthy behavior, but I am very impulsive and sometimes i said horrible things to him. The day he broke up with me, we had gone out at night. We were drunk, and once again, and I don't know why, I started accusing him of horrible things when we got to his house. When I woke up I went to mine (I was kicked out of his house literally). He told me not to call or text him, otherwise he would block me.
Of course I did everything I shouldn't have done: I called several times, I apologized, I said I loved him so much, I begged him not to leave, etc, etc, etc...
At this point I also started having therapy because I know it is something that I should have done a long time ago, for personal issues that were poorly resolved with myself.
After this first week, I didn't contact him for 2 weeks. In the 3rd week I sent him a message to deliver a computer of mine, which had been in his house, to my sister.
Since then we have been talking sporadically. Usually I'm always the first, but he has done it once too.

The thing is.. it's been 1 month and two weeks, and it was his birthday last week. I bought him a present (i know... maybe another mistake).
This past Saturday we went out for dinner and i gave him the present wich he really loved and felt quite surprised. It went quite well. I loved it, he loved too. He even asked me if i was feeling good about the therapy sessions, and i told him yeah, but not in a "sad" or "demotivating" way. I really wanted to show him that I am recovering and that above all I am fine. After dinner, we went to another place were we talked a bit more.
After the "date" he told me that he was happy for feeling me better, and that he would like to go out with me again, and expressed interest that I would continue talking to him.
When we were together, we hang out sometimes with my sister and brother-in-law. He even showed intereste in going out with us again.

I'm glad to have been with him. It happens that on Sunday I cried a lot and I hadn't done it for some time. In a way I know he doesn't want to get back, but he cares about me. However it can't just be me having the initiative to talk to him. And i haven't done since saturday.

I love him so much, but he's now getting me confused, and i'm kinda feeling like in the fisrt week... desperate.

January 18, 2020, 11:20:54 PM
Reply #1
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Dannyk87


Hi I’m Danny, this sounds like a similar situation as I’m in at the moment, I think he does care, a lot, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t want to see you or show interest in how you are. Sometimes though people have to follow their head rather than their heart for there own well being, they can love you dearly but know that the relationship won’t work out at the present moment. Just focus on bettering yourself for you and if it’s meant to be then you will find a way!

January 20, 2020, 03:18:43 PM
Reply #2
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Isabel91


Hi I’m Danny, this sounds like a similar situation as I’m in at the moment, I think he does care, a lot, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t want to see you or show interest in how you are. Sometimes though people have to follow their head rather than their heart for there own well being, they can love you dearly but know that the relationship won’t work out at the present moment. Just focus on bettering yourself for you and if it’s meant to be then you will find a way!

Yeah i understand that. If you want you can share your situation too, maybe we can help each other.
I asked him about another meet in the next month and he agreed. I really love him, and i'm happy about it. Although I know that it is important that I have no expectations and take things calmly and patiently.
Therapy has really helped me in this, because I feel really guilty about this situation. And I don't want to spoil anything else. Not with him, or with anyone else.

January 22, 2020, 09:40:14 PM
Reply #3
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ColoradoTennisFan


I have a somewhat similar situation. My girlfriend of 5.5+ years broke up with me just after Thanksgiving. She wanted to remain in close contact, but not have a romantic relationship. I was devastated by her decision and tried to get her reconsider. She seemed to reconsider after a few weeks, meeting me for dinners and a movie. She was even affectionate with me. In the end, however, she still did not want to restart the relationship. After many confusing signals from her, I have stopped communicating with her although I still miss her terribly. The worst part of the breakup is that she was my dance partner. I have resumed dancing, but I do not dance or interact with her at dances.

I think that you should move on and stop communicating. You will never get over him unless you make a clean break. I struggle with no communication every day, but I know that she is done with the relationship so communication will only prolong my difficult emotional state.

January 22, 2020, 10:27:46 PM
Reply #4
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Jonathan92


i know perfectly how you feeling and i can tell you that in order for you to be able to move on, your gonna have to ask him directly and be prepared for a no, ask him directly if he wants to get back or not. if he says now, than yes it will hurt but at least u have assurance that there is no hope and u can focus on moving on. he he isn't sure than still work on moving on because chances are he dont want u but he doesn't want to feel lonely, essentially if he doesn't say yes, move on. its difficult but you have to do it, for your own piece of mind and to finally just move on.

January 23, 2020, 11:49:43 PM
Reply #5
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Isabel91


i know perfectly how you feeling and i can tell you that in order for you to be able to move on, your gonna have to ask him directly and be prepared for a no, ask him directly if he wants to get back or not. if he says now, than yes it will hurt but at least u have assurance that there is no hope and u can focus on moving on. he he isn't sure than still work on moving on because chances are he dont want u but he doesn't want to feel lonely, essentially if he doesn't say yes, move on. its difficult but you have to do it, for your own piece of mind and to finally just move on.

Thank you all for your opinions.

We will meet again in a week. I will take things calmly and I want to maintain a good atmosphere between both of us during the meeting. However, I will take the opportunity to think at the same time, what he really wants, without being so direct with him, because if I am, I think I will ruin everything.
After that, I can like the answers or not. Anyway, I also need this opportunity so that I can make some (and very difficult) decisions regarding my life.
I never thought about going through this, since I never thought in my life that it was possible for me to love someone  :'(

January 23, 2020, 11:54:19 PM
Reply #6
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Isabel91


I have a somewhat similar situation. My girlfriend of 5.5+ years broke up with me just after Thanksgiving. She wanted to remain in close contact, but not have a romantic relationship. I was devastated by her decision and tried to get her reconsider. She seemed to reconsider after a few weeks, meeting me for dinners and a movie. She was even affectionate with me. In the end, however, she still did not want to restart the relationship. After many confusing signals from her, I have stopped communicating with her although I still miss her terribly. The worst part of the breakup is that she was my dance partner. I have resumed dancing, but I do not dance or interact with her at dances.

I think that you should move on and stop communicating. You will never get over him unless you make a clean break. I struggle with no communication every day, but I know that she is done with the relationship so communication will only prolong my difficult emotional state.

Yeah you probably right. And I really hope that this situation for you is resolved.
It is really complicated when we are dumped and then receive mixed signals while we still hope that something else will happen.
I will try one more time. If it doesn't work I'll try to move on...

 

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