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Author Topic: Confusing Break Up Insight Needed (long post)

May 27, 2019, 09:29:25 PM
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I started dating a close family friend back in December. He’s almost smack dab in the middle age wise between my mother and myself. He’s ten years younger than her and eleven years older than me. He’s 31 and I’m 20. At Thanksgiving, we became really close friends, and when people noticed this, my mother was flat out with me that she would not approve of our relationship if we were to date. Not because of the age difference but because he has been married three times before and even though they are best friends, she didn’t think he was good enough for me. Almost a month later, we started dating in secret. It just happened out of nowhere, and things were hot and heavy. We knew we weren’t supposed to be dating, but we just fell in love. We would always ask each other random questions regardless of how intense they may be, and we always answered with brutal honesty. It’s something we’ve done ever since we became close friends. Not too long ago while he was deployed out of the country, I asked him if he still wanted to date publicly one day and if he still saw a future for us. He told me he couldn’t see my parents ever accepting us, and maybe it was better for us to be lifetime friends instead of being unable to see each other. My family is extremely important to the both of us, so I understood why he felt this way. He told me he loved and cared for me, that he wanted things to work, and we would talk more when he came home. When he came home, he kept telling me we would talk soon, but then he would ghost me. This went on for a few weeks before I finally got him to agree to talk, but I just couldn’t wait, and I kept pushing him. I asked him if he still loved me, and he said yes. I asked him if he was still in love with me, but he kept avoiding the question. Eventually, I asked again and told him I couldn’t wait anymore that it hurt too much. All he would say was “I think we would be better as friends.” The very next day he got called for an emergency deployment, and he is still out of the country. He is roommates with my Aunt, and they just moved into a new apartment. I was dog sitting for her the other day, and I decided to go into his room to look for one of my sweaters that he bought me that I let him borrow. In one of his boxes, he had everything I’ve jokingly given him since we started day: a box of bandaids, a blanket, these fluffy cat socks that a friend sent me from Germany. On his desk, he had a ballcap we picked out while shopping together on display. But the biggest thing was he had this lighter I gave him before his first deployment that I doodled on. It read “I Believe in a Thing Called Love”. That was the first song he ever sang to me back when we were just friends. It was our song. I’m just so confused. If he’s not in love with me anymore, why does he still have all these things? Especially that lighter. Wouldn’t he just throw all these things away or hide them away? Why keep constant reminders of me around him? He never talks to me anymore. I told him that I would give him as much space as he need until we can be friends again. I honestly believe that even a little bit of him is worth the pain of pushing my feelings for him down. But I just don’t understand. I just don’t understand why he would want those constant reminders of the girl he fell out of love with especially if we aren’t even friends right now. Maybe y’all can give me some insight. Is there something I’m missing?

May 28, 2019, 10:42:01 AM
Reply #1


Hello, sorry that you are going through this. From what I have read, it definitely sounds like he loves you, ( which is probably why he keeps those items ) but idk about him being in love. I’m thinking that he is feeling forced to end things with you for your families sake. No relationship will ever work out without the approval of family. Should you wait it out? Personally, I wouldn’t. If this is meant to be it will be. Good luck


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