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Author Topic: Completely lost

June 25, 2019, 11:14:01 AM
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evanedwards


Super long story condensed as much as possible. Coming off of a fourteen year marriage that had more downs than ups (infidelity on both sides) I thought I found someone I truly connected with.

We met at work. First problem, she is much younger than I. I really had an issue with the age gap, but the more qe talked, flirted, etc the less I thought about it. Just for reference when we met I was 44 and ahe was 21 (Yes!! Twenty three years!!!) Take into consideration I look 10-15,years younger than I am (good genes & stay in great shape). She of course ia gorgeous and looks even younger than ahe really is due to her tiny size (4'11" at 105#). We both have kids (me-five, two different moms and her one). Yes, I know it sounds like Maury or Jerry Springer. Nonetheless, despite my trepadations about age her charms won me over and we started dating. More than that we moved in together.

She of course had some father issues (he wasn't always present and abusive to his wives), she also has some emotional scarring from things that happened to her in the past (PTSD, never dealt with, acts like it didn't happen, but felt comfortable enough with me to tell me). Her son's father also took off or wouldn't recognize him as his own until just recently where they went for a DNA test. I think she has been talking to him alot even though he is engaged and has another child by his fiance. (I told you, very Jerry Springer).

She broke up a month ago saying ahe wasn't happy with herself and she couldn't make me happy until then. We have had to live together, because of thw situation and we agreed that we had to make it best for the kids, because we chose to bring them intp this. So we still do a ton of stuff together and act like a family. My kids love her and hwe son loves me and truly sees me as his Dad. I still pick him up from daycare everyday, wake up with him late at night and early in the mornings, show him the sports ropea, etc.

The big problem foe me is still the huge bag of mixed signals I receive from her. I know this relationship ia hugely unconventional, but I do truly love her. We are workout partners, she makes me laugh, she makes me cry and she makes me want to be a better peraon everyday. Somedays her actions say she loves me still, somedays it ia her words, but they never happen together. I do at tumes just feel like ahe takes advantage of love and caring for her and her son.

The pain I feel for through this is horrible. Everything hurts, everyday, mase worse by the mixed signals and life we still lead together. I am doing everything I can to be there for her and all the kids, but it is a struggle. She doesn't communicate feelings well and I tend to over communicate. So all I have is to assume and project what I see, feel and hear which she really despises.

Bottom line is that I love her and hope ww can make it back.

I know the story sounds very trailer trashy that belongs on Springer. I do see the irony and somewhat ridiculousness of ot all to, but it doesn't change the way I feel about her or us. I know for aome of you that will be very hard to deal with, but please don't judge unless you havw walked in my shoes.

Any advice or ideas are welcome. Thank you.

 

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