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Author Topic: Can we even be friends again?

November 19, 2019, 09:47:32 PM
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rexlincoln


So last year I started dating a friend of 10 years.  We've been close for years and she's always looked out for me and vice versa.  We're also both part of the same friend group.

It lasted a good few months and was great but we broke up at the start of this year as we started arguing.  We both took it bad but agreed to stay friends and we actually ended up closer than ever and started hanging out a few times a week.  We'd occasionally have sex which we both initiated but knew it was just sex.  We started calling each other best friends which as far as I was concerned we were both happy with.  We've both been on dates with other people in this time which we were okay with too and I've really enjoyed being so close.  It's been great having this person I can always turn to no matter what and who wants to listen.  It's been this way all year.

Last month we'd stopped having sex when she said it was confusing her.  We talked about and admitted there was still some feelings but the friendship and closeness was more important than anything. and while I missed it, I got over it.  Well all of a sudden she stopped planning things with me.  I was confused.  The few times we did hang out she started to act distant, denied she was but it was true and even cancelled plans which she's never done.  We've argued a bit but she's carried on creating space.  She did eventually apologise and said we'll meet but cancelled again.

Finally she told me that she's met someone but wants to stay best friends.  It became clear I still had feelings so reacted badly and asked for space.  We saw each other at a party this weekend and she caused an argument saying all I wanted her for was sex which isn't true.  She even keeps denying we were that close despite all of our mutual friends calling her out.  It was a bad night and I left early with some friends.

She came back to mine in the early hours and woke me up.  We talked but it ended up with her saying if I want to still be friends then to contact her but she has to leave as it's complicating things.  She also tried to kiss me but we at least tried to brush it off.

We talked the next day which was okay but she eventually said her new guy doesn't want her to talk to me anymore.  This has really upset me as I dont wanna lose her friendship.  We've been friends for 10 years.

The last time we spoke I messaged to ask if that was it.  She said really wants to be friends and maybe we'll get together to talk soon.  I just miss my best friend, I hate that I can't speak to her.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2019, 09:49:24 PM by rexlincoln »

November 22, 2019, 12:52:45 PM
Reply #1
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Shan67


I'm sorry your dealing with what you are.
I think your probably going to have to give her space,because if her new guy doesn't want her keeping in touch with you,and she cares about him,then she is probably trying to distance herself.
Having sex with her has complicated things.  I can understand how her feelings got confused after that.
It is possible later on that the two of you may be able to be friends again,but after having sex it probably won't  be the same.    I don't know her so I can't say that for sure thou.   I know that most women view sex differently than men.  We can get more easily attached to the man.
Right now try and focus on things that you like to do,stay busy,get out and date,etc.  Give it time.

December 01, 2019, 04:43:54 PM
Reply #2
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otis123


Friends always....what kind of friend is up to you.  I have many "friends" some that was the best at one time but for whatever reason fell down on the list.  I will still talk and share stories with them but to hang out is a different story.

December 02, 2019, 03:44:34 PM
Reply #3
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Fcrelux


I'm sorry to hear that. To me it looks like a very complex relationship you had with her. And from this complex relationship, it's quite normal to develop feelings that we don't even know how to indentify or categorize them.

I think there is a good chance she still have strong feelings for you, and she can't concentrate on her boyfriend with you in her life. My advice is, find out if you trully love her, not as a friend, but as a man, do therapy to find that out if you need. If the answer is yes, than be completely honest with her, and go after her. And hope for the best, but also be prepared for the worst.

Does it make sense to you?

 

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