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Author Topic: Broken Engagement and Struggling

May 06, 2020, 07:03:57 AM
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tinaelisa


Hi,

I have come on here to seek some guidance/help/opinions as I’m going through something extremely heartbreaking to me. I’m 32. My fiancé is 35.

I have been with my fiancé for 2 and a half years. We have known each other for ten years and our families know each other. We have been engaged since November 2019.
The beginning of March, I was on his computer checking my email. My email for work started with “p”. To my surprise in the search section, there was a Pornhub website link. I clicked on the link and in the top right hand corner there was a profile. The profile consisted of my fiancé shirtless (just his chest not face) and so I clicked on the profile and found a TON of inbox messages from local girls in the area we live in. In these messages (which go back over 5 years) he talks to these women ,cams with them and watches some pretty disgusting and degrading things. When I saw all this, I started talking pictures of certain posts with my phone.
I approached him right away and lost it. I was crying and very emotional. I just couldn’t approach this calmly because I was just in shock and so hurt that I saw all this. At first he denied it and got angry but then when I called him by the username, he started crying. He said he didn’t think it was a big deal and this did not affect our relationship to him. It’s scary because to me, he was always the perfect guy - treated me very well, loved his family and so I was really hurt that he didn’t tell me he was doing this at all. If anything he said that he doesn’t really need porn because “I’m enough”.
After telling him I would forgive and forget, we decided to move forward. A couple days later I went on his phone and computer. I just felt like there was more he wasn’t telling me. In his computer history there were email accounts I didn’t know about. He was going to this “clients house” to pick up a cheque while all other clients mail their cheques. A couple days later he changed his phone and computer passwords. He didn’t tell me he did this. If someone really truly wanted to work on trust again and move forward, they would be open and not be hiding things.
Then, quarantine happens. I started spending time with him more at his house. He works from home so when he was working, I would watch tv, workout, read and find things to do. One day, we went for a walk and he basically said to me and asked me why I’m always around. I asked him where I’m supposed to go? He said back to your house. I was completely shocked that my fiancé and someone who I was going to marry in a few months was acting like this. We got into another heated argument and this time I mentioned knowing about walking to the client’s house and he lost it. His words were “Get the fuck out of my house”. I started crying and grabbing my stuff around his house. I left and it’s been 17 days since I have been there. We tried talking twice in person but both times we get into angry screaming matches and he says some very hurtful things to me. Both of our families have been crying and I just don’t know what to do.

What I’m asking is, what do I do? How do I move forward from this? I just feel like he’s the love of my life and my world has shattered. What would you do in this situation?

 

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