My girlfriend of 5 years had an affair with another guy for the last 3 months of our relationship ( he didn’t know about me either, she told him that she was single then and that we had break up almost a month ago). These last 3 months we lived in different cities and she met the other guy just 6 days after I left to the other city to find a job so we could live together. The plan was that she would come, after I find a job. For 3 whole months she cheated on me with him and on him with me. She came two times to the city I was but stayed only a couple of days (maximum a week). All this time she kept giving me false hopes about our future together. She was looking for a place to rent so we could live together and at the same time she was having a great time with the other guy.

When i first found out about him she was with me, she told me that she only knew him for a month and that nothing had happened between them and that she would end it with him by telling him that she would come to my city so nothing can happen between them, she texted this to him and send me the screenshot to believe her, and then she left to go back to her city. In the following week I really tried to believe her and to give her a second chance, but something didn’t felt right about all that she had told me. So I was trying to find a way to check her instagram ( all the texting was taking place there) and at some point I send the other guy a photo of me with her that was taken the second time she came to my city. You see, she had told him that indeed she would come to my city but to be with her best friend. The same day I got lucky and I checked an old laptop I gave her sometime before and she had forgotten logged in to instagram.

When I saw it I was so sure that I would see the message that she had sent me as a screenshot. Unfortunately this wasn’t the message I saw. She had deleted that message before he manages to see it. I saw messages that told him that she had cancelled a walk with a friend so that they can have fun together and all this 5 minutes before ( she tried to calm him down after I send him this the photo by doing sex with him and by telling lies that we just happened to see each other at the street one day). That moment killed me. I checked at least to see if the one month she had told me was true but no, it was 3 whole months that she was having the affair. After all these I demanded to tell the other guy the truth about everything, and she told she did but I couldn’t believe her so I send him a message explaining everything that had happened the last 3 months after they met for the first time. He told me that he had explained her from the start that he just wanted to having fun as a casual sex partner with her and she had agree with that. All this time she was saying to me that she loves me very much and she was deceiving not only me but also my family because I have introduce her to them and they were having casual conversation from time to time.

I went to her city to see her one last time and to talk about everything that happened and if we could somehow save our relationship. She told me that all these happened because she didn’t want to leave her city and that when she was with him she was forgetting everything that had to do with the decision she had to make, that’s why she kept doing it. I told her that if she had talked to me about that I would come to her city without second thoughts because I really wanted to be with her. We are separate now for almost 1 month but for the first 3 weeks I kept contact with her. Every second day I would just call her and she always would answer and I was blaming her and yelling at her for making me go through so much pain without deserving it. Every time she answered she was telling me that she had regretted for doing all this and that if she could she would change it all.
The last time we saw each other I didn’t yell at her, I just asked her how she was doing and told her everything I had planned for when she would come to my city to live together. She was just looking at me and crying all the time and telling me how much she loves me and she was hugging me. I know that I can’t be with that woman any more. She broke the trust I showed her and that cannot be repaired. I can’t stop thinking about her, and can’t stop thinking about her having sex with the other guy. I know we are separate now but the thought of her still being with him ( I don’t know that for sure but I assume it) makes me so angry because that would mean that she has select him over me. I really hope that she really regrets everything and I find myself trapped between two thoughts: the first thought is that she feels the same pain I feel every day and the second thought is that I don’t want her to feel how I feel because I still love her very much.

I thought her as the One for me, the woman which I would marry and have children with and what makes it even worse all this is that she used to tell me all these by herself. It’s almost a week now that I haven’t contact her and I really want to talk to her so much, to just ask her how she is doing. We spent 4 beautiful years together and I can’t get over how the things ended between us. Why she had to do all these? That’s a question for which I will never get an answer because whatever she tells me I can’t quite believe her anymore.  How can someone with whom you spent 4 years together and who says that loves more than anything in the world and wants to be with you forever do something like that? I know I have to let time pass and let her miss me and understand what she did and to who. I love her so much that I really want her to be happy even if I will not be the one that makes her happy.

I just wish that she would text me sometime, not to try and get back with me but just to see how I am doing. So that I see that she still cares about me even after all that she did because that’s one of the last thing she said to me: “I still love you and even after all I did I still care for you”. Damn I miss her so much. I wish I could watch her one last time as she is in her room and I wish I could hug her and tell her everything.
 
I just wanted to take out of my chest. Will be glad if you give any advice.

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