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Author Topic: Breakup and hurting

April 02, 2019, 07:01:23 PM
Read 1083 times


Hello, I am going to go into detail and try my best to explain and get to the part of being hurt.

3 years ago I met this girl, online. She was from the upper part of the UK, I didnt think much of it talking to her daily till about 3 months in and started to develop feelings for her, we both had feelings for each other at this point. We were together for almost 3 years, after 2 years she visited me for the first time, meeting face to face. I proposed to her, we were engaged for nearly 6 months before it ended.

We always talked about everything and anything, we were open and honest with each other. She reassured me with my anxiety on specific subjects like cheating and such. We believed we are soulmates.

She went to college for Japanese, and went to Japan late last year to study abroad. She met some people who turned into friends. Around November of last year till about the 1st of January she was doing a lot of stuff with them especially for 3 weeks in December, she was never the person to go out to clubs and dance all night but she did with one friend for 2 weeks straight. We made plans for Christmas to video chat and open gifts but she never followed through. I was in anger.

First week of January we got into an argument, we have had them before but this was mostly me yelling at her about who she has become and how she didnt keep her time open for me like she said she would have for Christmas. I said a lot of terrible things to her, everything was a regret...

She needed time, naturally, she took 2 weeks to herself. We talked on voice chat for like 4 hours on a Saturday night, telling her how sorry I was, I was willing to fix things. She was not willing to fix things, even after all the promises of never leaving each other, being soulmates. I vibe with her so well, and she did with me. But since she went to Japan she slowly became someone else.

Now here I am sitting in my sister's living room typing this up and wanting someone with knowledge of this kind of hurt to help me out. Its been months since we spoke. Ive been missing her each day, wishing that fight never took place. She told me if I didnt say all those terrible things we would have been still together. I lost all hope, I had such an amazing bond with someone, love, passion, understanding, things in common, we worked so well together, like 2 puzzle pieces fitting perfectly snugged. I came to terms that I will never have her back, the person who I still claim to be my soulmate. I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. But I also fear I will never have that same connection ever again. I have tried online dating and I'm not trying to be shielded with emotions, I let everything out to see if we have a connection. Ive been on several dates but nothing worth pursuing.

How do I know I will find a beautiful connection like I did 3 years ago. I personally dont think I will ever find a connection like this and it puts me in a depressive state of mind.

April 08, 2019, 11:19:44 PM
Reply #1


I'm not sure how young this girl was when you met her, but she seems fairly young and this might be a factor why she partied a lot in Japan. If she is young then this is very normal, but yes promising to chat with you during Christmas and not was very wrong. I don't know if she lived with her parents or she just never went out in the Uk and then got a taste of night life. I don't think she 'changed,' I think she wanted to experience that and friends can have a lot of influence on people's own decisions.

You shouldn't have apologized for getting angry at her (unless you said some hurtful things), you had every right to feel that way though. Sometimes we're so afraid of losing someone that we'll admit we did something wrong when our feelings are very valid.

What I get from this situation is that she is just a young girl who wants to experience life and maybe by being with you she felt 'tied down.' Or maybe she genuinely felt this really wasn't for her.

 I've always believed you can never truly know a person until you've actually physically spent a significant amount of time together. You only physically met this girl once. I think despite talking for 3 years and when meeting her you proposed that you moved too fast and were too focused about being in the moment instead of really evaluating the situation. I don't mean to sound harsh, but moving too fast most of the time ends up in failure.

I wouldn't continue using a dating site especially one where you meet women that live very far, but that's your choice of course.
If you want to continue online dating stick to people that are within a reasonable distance with you so you can meet and spend time with each other.

There is someone out there for you where you will be able to find that connection with, but to truly move on and find this person you need to let this girl go. It sounds like you're still hung up on her. Stop trying and thinking about finding your soulmate, its just not your time right now so for now focus on bettering yourself for YOU. I'm a firm believer when you're not looking is when someone great comes along.

Wishing you the best! :)

April 14, 2019, 07:41:42 AM
Reply #2


It relly is a difficult thing to experience, but you need to keep hope that even if you two dont get back togethe,r you will find someone again in life. Connections happen at the strangest times, and you will find your person i promise. Just stay open, stay hopeful, and stay kind.


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