Hello, I am going to go into detail and try my best to explain and get to the part of being hurt.

3 years ago I met this girl, online. She was from the upper part of the UK, I didnt think much of it talking to her daily till about 3 months in and started to develop feelings for her, we both had feelings for each other at this point. We were together for almost 3 years, after 2 years she visited me for the first time, meeting face to face. I proposed to her, we were engaged for nearly 6 months before it ended.

We always talked about everything and anything, we were open and honest with each other. She reassured me with my anxiety on specific subjects like cheating and such. We believed we are soulmates.

She went to college for Japanese, and went to Japan late last year to study abroad. She met some people who turned into friends. Around November of last year till about the 1st of January she was doing a lot of stuff with them especially for 3 weeks in December, she was never the person to go out to clubs and dance all night but she did with one friend for 2 weeks straight. We made plans for Christmas to video chat and open gifts but she never followed through. I was in anger.

First week of January we got into an argument, we have had them before but this was mostly me yelling at her about who she has become and how she didnt keep her time open for me like she said she would have for Christmas. I said a lot of terrible things to her, everything was a regret...

She needed time, naturally, she took 2 weeks to herself. We talked on voice chat for like 4 hours on a Saturday night, telling her how sorry I was, I was willing to fix things. She was not willing to fix things, even after all the promises of never leaving each other, being soulmates. I vibe with her so well, and she did with me. But since she went to Japan she slowly became someone else.

Now here I am sitting in my sister's living room typing this up and wanting someone with knowledge of this kind of hurt to help me out. Its been months since we spoke. Ive been missing her each day, wishing that fight never took place. She told me if I didnt say all those terrible things we would have been still together. I lost all hope, I had such an amazing bond with someone, love, passion, understanding, things in common, we worked so well together, like 2 puzzle pieces fitting perfectly snugged. I came to terms that I will never have her back, the person who I still claim to be my soulmate. I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. But I also fear I will never have that same connection ever again. I have tried online dating and I'm not trying to be shielded with emotions, I let everything out to see if we have a connection. Ive been on several dates but nothing worth pursuing.

How do I know I will find a beautiful connection like I did 3 years ago. I personally dont think I will ever find a connection like this and it puts me in a depressive state of mind.

It relly is a difficult thing to experience, but you need to keep hope that even if you two dont get back togethe,r you will find someone again in life. Connections happen at the strangest times, and you will find your person i promise. Just stay open, stay hopeful, and stay kind.