Author Topic: Break ups are horrible

butterflies123 · May 27, 2019, 07:45:57 AM

Why are break ups so hard? Why can’t I do it?

It makes no sense to me, I am a very independent person and do most things on my own. I have a decent size circle of friends, all of whom are in relationships or married in relationships, leaving my to be the third wheel. I’m tired of being the third wheel, so I sit at home and sulk.

Now just being one day since breaking up and a FWB reaches out ( it’s like he knows when I’ve broken up with someone) of course he wants to meet for a drink and I’m scared to be alone. I hate the heartache that goes with breaking up and I distract myself and I’m not going to lie I like to hear those words that FWB will say. I know I shouldn’t meet him, but I can’t take how my heart feels.

lucyriverstone · May 27, 2019, 09:28:06 PM

Break ups are always really hard. Independent woman or not. You shared an important part of your life with someone, and that's not easy to do. It takes hard work to love and care for someone, and now that it is over, it's even harder to go back to how you felt beforehand. The pain will eventually fade away, but it will take a lot of time. Now whether you want to handle that pain by going out for drinks or staying in at home is entirely up to you. Everyone processes pain differently, and there is nothing wrong with that. Good luck and I wish you a lighter heart soon.

spiderkw · May 31, 2019, 03:14:34 AM

Yes it is, but if you got to move on, you'll find someone else

Pinkbeach · June 29, 2019, 09:25:32 PM

Breakups hurt like hell!! That's how you know when it was real when you hurt.. it will get better in time you just have to stay strong.

gooseduck · August 20, 2019, 03:08:45 PM

Because no matter how logical we are, the heart is illogical so you cant make sense of it. I am trying to do my best to feel what I am feeling as a buddhist, but its just painful. I am glad we have this forum to share. I myself am going through a very scary breakup because we were compatible but he started to shutdown due to some high stress of me trying to get into grad school. I was upset he was too weak and gave up on us, but it made me realize I need a stronger person in my life, who wont give up on us when things are tough. With that said, regardless of knowing this, I am grieving for this loss. I am scared this time because I am 38 and feel too old to date, and the dating swiping culture is so off putting, I am afraid I will die old surrounded by cats. Why do we women always jump to that image?

Anywa, I am glad we have this forum to let out of grieves and heal together. Everyone is so strong.

loveandsunshine623 · August 21, 2019, 12:47:22 PM

I totally feel the pain. I am currently going through the same thing. Hang in there, it will get better!

sarah14 · August 30, 2019, 12:42:09 PM

I know how you feel. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better with time, though I'm not sure I believe it. It's been almost a year since my relationship ended and I still feel awful. I guess the longer it lasted, the longer it will take to heal.

beachgirl1212 · August 31, 2019, 12:00:03 PM

I am a very independent person but the thing I struggle with when something ends with someone is the fact that you exposed so much of yourself to that person that it is so difficult to move past the hurt that you experience when they turn on you or end things on their terms. It can feel like you have been betrayed. However it is possible to heal, but you must be patient with yourself and start to take steps to help you realise your self worth, such as working hard in other aspects of your life that make you feel successful such as in your career. Once you feel good in yourself you will start to put things in perspective and gain a sense of control back in your life. remember there are billions of men out there, don't let how one treats you lead you to believe that you will never find love. You will just keep going.

chrishen · September 03, 2019, 09:00:40 AM

You should actually try to sit with that feeling as opposed to using an external source to remedy it. While it might be a short term remedy to go out for a drink and having casual hook ups, it will not solve the the physical pain you feel in your body that has come as a result from emotional loss. If it's not managed it can manifest itself down the line in the form of anxiety and insecurities which may push the next guy away, too.

Mercedes · October 10, 2019, 02:22:35 PM

I'm here in this forum because I need to be able to vent. I don't have anyone I can be open with about how I feel. My ex and I didn't end our relationship because we wanted to, it ended because he was a foreign man studying in America. He finished school and had to return to his home. He's been gone for over a year and I've missed him all the while. I always look forward to hearing from him, it has become the only thing I have had to keep me going. I know that's pathetic and unhealthy. He made it clear that he no longer has feeling's for me. He doesn't love me. He's accepted the situation and moved on. I am utterly devastated. I feel like I could just die. I have nothing to hold onto. I don't know if I will get over him honestly. I feel so much pain and it's deep. I'm broken.

Rayray · December 11, 2019, 05:53:10 PM

Quote from: chrishen on September 03, 2019, 09:00:40 AM

You should actually try to sit with that feeling as opposed to using an external source to remedy it. While it might be a short term remedy to go out for a drink and having casual hook ups, it will not solve the the physical pain you feel in your body that has come as a result from emotional loss. If it's not managed it can manifest itself down the line in the form of anxiety and insecurities which may push the next guy away, too.

I agree with this however I have yet mastered how to practise this. I saw a therapist last year after a very messy breakup and we explored this technique but I think my relationship has just ended due to not being able to put this into practise.

Beelexii · December 21, 2019, 12:59:44 AM

I’m in the same boat. Breakups are hard and the only thing that’s getting me through this is spending time with friends and repeating positive affirmations daily to make myself believe shit

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Todd Ryder · December 29, 2019, 01:29:28 PM

Quote from: chrishen on September 03, 2019, 09:00:40 AM

You should actually try to sit with that feeling as opposed to using an external source to remedy it. While it might be a short term remedy to go out for a drink and having casual hook ups, it will not solve the physical pain you feel in your body that has come as a result from emotional loss. If it's not managed it can manifest itself down the line in the form of anxiety and insecurities which may push the next guy away, too.

He has a great point. Understanding that it can be challenging to put this into practice

The first step is the directly pinpoint where it is most difficult to move on. I would say to list out what it is that makes it emotionally unbearable.
Then directly go to the biggest emotional obstacle (i.e. loneliness or missing the physical and emotional love all at once).

What are the major ones that you are going through right now?

Oliviawilliams · December 30, 2019, 10:45:26 AM

I absolutely agree with the author. The author wrote very precise words

FreshStart · January 02, 2020, 12:16:08 PM

Break ups freaking suck. Instead of going out with him, go out with a friend. I've realized the more time I've spent keeping busy and being with friends and family has helped me feel normal. It's too easy to get sucked in with another guy when you're vulnerable.

Author Topic: Break ups are horrible

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