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Author Topic: Boyfriend wants a break due to mental health reasons, I need advice

February 16, 2019, 09:21:31 PM
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cheyh93


My boyfriend asked for a break a few days ago saying it was for mental health reasons. He's been depressed for years and has been stressed with work and his family life.  He also said he wanted me to focus on myself more because he feels its affecting my mental health too. He said he still wants to talk the same amount and see each other the same amount as we do but he just wants to put romantic feelings on hold. I'm confused because it doesn't sound like a break, I've asked him if I should just give him space and not contact him because it's a break, he said he didn't want that. He was upset about asking for the break and didn't want me to resent him and he didn't want me to think it was entirely over. He still wanted to see me on Valentine's day even though I told him it wasn't the best idea since he wanted a break. He insisted, so I ended up seeing him and we talked and he still thought the break was the best idea for him. He said he still had feelings for me but said if he focuses on them too much that he won't focus on himself, which I understand. I want him to get better, he made a comment saying he had more hope of us getting back together than him getting better. He also seemed less sad this time when I saw him, I'm not sure if he was confident in his decision or just hiding his feelings because he hasn't been up front with his feelings before. He also ended up kissing me multiple times that  night even though I told him it wasn't a good idea, he said he just missed doing it. I love him and want him to get better. I'm probably taking this break harder than I should, I've cried over it multiple times and he seems to be doing fine. I just don't know what to do about and how to talk to him about it. He feels bad when I tell him I love him because he said its been hard to express any emotions, I told him I don't expect him to say it back because I know he's going through a lot. I just tell him it so he knows I still care and that I 'm here for him no matter what. I just don't know if I should cut off contact or still message him even though he still wants to talk and see each other. I'm just at a loss and i'm confused. Has anyone had anything similar or be able to get back together from a break. Any advice would be helpful.. Thank you

March 12, 2019, 04:52:28 PM
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libra_moon


I am going through a similar situation so I can definitely empathize with you. Breaks are tough-they are gray and if you are like me, you like to see things in black and white b/c it omit confusion. As for what I think of your situation, I first wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard b/c you don't know where you stand. You love and care for him so you want to respect his need for space BUT don't forget you should ALSO love and care for yourself. If he needs space, then give him space. During this time of no contact he will still be thinking of you love, don't think that he won't but he will be focusing also on himself. Depression isn't a joke and you should encourage him to seek a therapist if he wants to talk things through. As for you, I do suggest taking a REAL break- no contact. Please don't take it personally-if you feel sad or cry tell yourself you are doing this for him. Be strong for him ok? He needs you to be. During this time when you are away from him, you can work on yourself. You don't want to become too codependent on a person, which I think you are starting to be. Love yourself and take care of yourself-do things that make you happy, while he is trying to do the same thing.

If being together is confusing for you then understand that, tell him you also need space to clear the air. Trust me when I say you have to step away from the situation for the both of you.

Please write back if you need any advice, like I said I know how you feel, so I hope I can help. xx

 

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