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Author Topic: Blocked out of the blue after almost two and a half months of no NC at all, why?

December 08, 2019, 09:50:26 PM
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jupiter99


My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. Our last conversation was close to two and half months ago, but it was over text. The last verbal convo was 4 months ago. Anyway, during that text exchange she made it clear that she did not think we were good for each other, that it should have ended sooner, that we weren’t compatible enough and that at that point in her life (so around two months after the breakup) she had “never been happier and more proud” of where she stood in life. I was the one who initiated the breakup but wanted to see her two months after since she had texted me a few times prior and kind of confused me a bit about where she stood in regards to getting back together. I was missing her alot too, but I think I missing the idea of her more than the real her. So therefore my attempt at getting her to meet up with me was stupid. Anyway, we never met up and I told her I was going to block her on IG and FB to make it easier for me to move on for good. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t doing it because I was trying to get a reaction out of her or anything. She understood and both ended the convo with a “take care”. I thought and still kinda have the feeling we will never speak again. Anyway I proceeded to block her and three weeks later unblocked her, b/c although justified for my personal recovery initially, I still thought it was petty of me. After unblocking somone on FB it just leaves you unfriended and on IG you both just end up not following each other’s accounts. Basically unblocking someone still leaves you disconnected unless you refollow that person again. My IG has always been private, as has hers. After unblocking there was still zero contact between us of course. We’ve seen each other at school but never made eye contact thus far. Today, after almost two months of absolute nothingness and just spotting each other in public she blocks me out of the absolute blue on both platforms. Why do you think this is? Because it’s not like there was any communication on either platform since we weren’t connected. I am not trying to get back with her since I've also accepted that we simply aren't a good fit, but I would like to understand why she might do that. I assume after these 4 months she must still feel very resentful towards me. Maybe she’s also irritated that I have not reached out again to her since I know she is used to exes/boys constantly reaching out to her in general. I feel like it’s more of a trying to rid herself of any possible reminders of me she could possibly encounter though. Btw, the breakup itself was very respectful, civil, long and sad. However, as time passed she built up more and resentment towards me it seemed.

December 11, 2019, 06:27:05 AM
Reply #1
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Animus


Dear Jupiter,

There was a key word in your message, which you probably didn't notice yourself.

'assume'

We build so much on our assumptions, our musings, our ever-running unconfirmed speculations of the world. To a small extent, we need some assumptions to use language successfully. But beyond that, it is unhelpful. What's more, it bogs us down.

You can 'assume' she blocked you out of resentment, or to fight temptation, or to get back at you, or to get a rise out of you, or to make herself feel safe, or to..., or to..., or to....

Now the question is "what do you stand to gain from verifying or falfsifying this assumption?"

If it is closure, you're the one who has to give it to yourself.
If it is relief, how can you seek relief from a non-existing relationship?
If it is validation, how can a mis-matched person opinion offer it?

Look within brother. As much as I love and respect all humanity, I must insist that we have neither the time nor the ability (even theoretically) to know what everyone is thinking. Use your time, your life wisely.

So, it doesn't matter what she thinks. Because you are not 'a good fit'.

Would you ask an MBA player their professional opinion about your figure-skating?

I hope this offers some clarity.

Animus


 

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