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Author Topic: Blindsided by break up.

May 18, 2020, 06:45:24 PM
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maybeletsnot


I recently was broken up with and was completely blindsided by it.  We had been talking since the beginning of August 2019.  It was the first real relationship that I had, let alone took seriously.  He was at my house and seeing me every weekend (minus like 3 or 4 weekends for various weekends)  It was his first as well.  So things were good and progressing along.  I fell in love, said it first, all that fun stuff.   We had a conversation regarding children and I joke like "oh that's a deal breaker" if you don't want them, but I assured him multiple times about that joke that I wasn't serious, I just care about us building our lives together.  We talked every day, text all throughout the day unless we were busy at work, which was usually more me since I work in trucking and have had more free time since I work in the office and Rona is changing everything.   He brought it up again and decided to bring it up after on a night on the phone when I was severely tired and had few adult beverages.  He wouldn't let it go that he didn't want kids, and I adamantly explained to him that I didn't really care and just wanted to be with him.  I started to have that 2nd sense that something was wrong, and told him, if this is because you don't really love or want to be with me, please just tell me now.  It was messy, I was put on ice for the weekend and we talked that Sunday.  Had a great conversation, laughed, joked EXPRESSED OUR LOVE (important note).  He knew I struggle with anxiety especially social and anxiety and abandonment issue.  My father died in Feb 2019 and it was mostly unexpected.  So I was anxious the entire weekend being that he didn't want to speak to me.

Monday comes, we talk all day.  Funny things, lovey things, blah blah blah.  Tuesday the same.  Wednesday mostly the same but he was busy, so I got it.  He called me Wednesday evening on his way home or on his way home, IDK actually.  Nothing serious, I told him I was excited for our weekend together because I hadn't seen him and missed him, obviously.  He says "*insert cute nickname* we need to talk.  I'm like oh god, what did I do?  *insert full anxiety panic*  He says, no you didn't do anything.  He tells me I love you so much, but I think we should break up. And I'm like "Excuse me, what?"  We just had this amazing conversation, I thought everything was good.  He states he's been thinking for a while that he didn't love me "that way" and he just thought he was over thinking things, blah blah blah.  He apologized profusely, but I needed to get off the phone because I was in full shock.  So my best friends no longer lives close and my "friends" around me I've distanced myself from, before we were together, because I didn't feel like I was getting what I got out of the friendship for multiple reasons.  My best friend since I was 14 lives in Alabama (i live in jersey) and the only friend I have lives a bit a way, but came here for me to check on me.  I don't have an immediate support system, and my mother isn't really believing I want to be with me, whatever, not important.  But I have anxiety and the fact that I was so blindsided by it, because there were NO INDICATIONS that THAT is what he was feeling,  I gave him outs, I gave him everything to be honest, he didn't.

What the hell should I do?  How do I bounce back from someone I was talking to every day and saw extremely often when they just decide to drop this bomb.  Reminder, I do suffer from anxiety, do not medicate.  Typing it out is therapeutic, but I would like some genuine advice.  I haven't had anxiety or panic attacks for a long time before this, obviously.  Just curious for some positive ideas and how I can get myself motivated, I tried, it worked for like an hour.


Ok I know this is a lot, but I like to express all major details when I tell a story.   Wanted to start writing, but I'm blocked.  Any positive feedback is welcome.  If you don't want to say something productive, please ignore.  Sorry this is long and a lot.  K thanks, bye.

May 22, 2020, 11:38:04 PM
Reply #1
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sihle


Hi there,

A few months ago I was nearly in your same position.  Kept in contact all day everyday, and no signs of anything wrong except for that second sense you mention having during certain times. When he left it felt like the whole world stopped, and I didn't know where to go next. I'd wake up really early in the morning with intense anxiety that I had to let out by calling my mom.  it sounds like you might not have that option, but if you are looking for someone to vent to or need someone to fill the gaps in your schedule that he once did, try reaching out to friends you haven't heard from in a while.  As this also occurred during a time where I was far from many of my friends, I found it useful to get involved in other activities and meet new people through Meetup and Bumble. It's not quite the same as having a close friend you can banter with, but it at least is a productive distraction.  Theres also a text service called Blue Fever which offers advice on mental health and how to get through situations like these.  If you can, try to get back into hobbies and habits you had before you were with him.  Doing so has helped remind me of who I am as an individual, without his influence.  I won't lie, I still struggle with some anxiety about the situation, but the intensity has become much less as I've practiced the mentioned habits. Good luck, you'll get through it!

July 07, 2020, 02:48:12 PM
Reply #2
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Xyz


Hey I understand how it feels from being with someone all the time to nothingness, I know it's painful and always easier said than done but time will heal. Maybe to bounce back from this you could try work on yourself and do the things that you always said you never had time for, just remember your'e not alone in this and I'm still going through this so we can do it and try watch this, I found it to be a good perspective https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhM

 

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