Basically back at the beginning of January I met a slightly older woman and we kind of hit it off, I'm 38 by the way. Well to cut a long story short, I was seeing her quite intensely... I don't really know how to describe the relationship as we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend but it was a lot more than friends with benefits. She's 45, three kids and just divorced although she's still living with her ex-husband - they been separated for 18 months now, have separate rooms and the house is up for sale although taking forever to sell but they are also trying to make it easy on their kids.

Anyway so the story is that from January to May we were seeing each other pretty intensely, almost every night and we even went away for Valentines Day and her birthday. When we weren't together it was whatsapp 24/7. Everything was going good but at the end of April she started saying things like she felt she was holding me back from meeting someone my own age and possibly having a family of my own, I told her to stop overthinking but she was adamant that we should take a break. So we went for three weeks in May without any contact, I got back in touch with her and we chatted a bit and she dropped the bombshell that she had started seeing someone. It hit me quite hard and I went a week feeling like rubbish in all honesty and eventually messaged her a long winded message saying I wanted her to be happy and couldn't do the friend thing. I then blocked her and deleted her from FB. Kept her blocked for about a week before messaging her just before I went on holiday for a few days saying I had fallen for her, wanted to be with her, didn't care about the complications, baggage, etc, etch. It was all true.

We then arranged to meet up when I got back and went for a meal and to the cinema at the beginning of June, I fully expected us to just be friends and she was going to let me down gently after having sent that message but in the cinema she held my hand and then afterwards we went back to mine. I thought we were back together. I asked her about the guy she had been seeing and she said it was over and nothing, was just a couple of dates. A couple of days later she was working in another part of town and her company put her up so I went to stay over at the hotel she had been put up in and we went out in the evening, the entire night she seemed really distracted and was on whatsapp a lot, almost every opportunity she had like when I went to the bar or the toilet. I called her up on it and she said it was nothing. We saw each other a few other times in June but it was constantly on my mind.

I had also noticed that she wasn't messaging me anywhere as near as much as when we first got together and it sounds a bit stalkery but everytime I went on Whatsapp I could see she was online, I'd message her and even though she was online it would take sometimes an hour to respond and it felt like someone was more her priority. Throughout most of June it just felt like I was making all the effort to message her and it was a chore to her. She also kept going out with her friends on a Friday or Saturday night rather than see me. Then a couple of weeks ago she came over to mine and we were on the sofa watching tv but she then went on whatsapp, a few times she leaned forward so I wouldn't be able to see who she was messaging. I caught a glimpse of her whatsapp and there was 4 numbers there where she hadn't saved them as a contact so instead of a name you just see +4479 and then the rest of the number. I'm assuming now these were guys who had given her their numbers on nights out or something along those lines.

This was massively bugging me so a few days after that I sent her a long message asking what was going on and if she was in an emotional relationship with someone else and she wrote back saying that she wasn't seeing anyone but in a roundabout way was keeping her options open - she's always maintained that long term she needs someone her own age and who also has kids. I didn't really know what to think and she said can we just keep things casual. I didn't really want to but kind of agreed but she kept coming up with excuses whereby she couldn't see me.

We met up for a drink just under a month ago and spoke a bit about it and she asked if it were possible for us just to be friends. I told her I don't think I can and said I obviously want more, told her to sleep on it and the next night she sent me a message saying: "Rich sorry but gonna take a break I'm sorry don't worry I won't block you as we can still stay in touch x things are different in not feeling it anymore x sorry x". I asked if there was someone else and she replied with "Of course I meet people when I go out I suppose i won't know what I'm looking for until it hits me". The final message she sent read "I suppose I just need to fancy someone more please don't feel bad I know you have tried harder lately buts it's not enough sorry".

And that's it really, I didn't reply to that and haven't contacted her since. She messaged me the night after ending it with 'You ok?' and I didn't reply and a couple of weeks ago tried to reach out if you can call it that by challenging me to a game of Words with Friends on Facebook, again I ignored and have today deleted her as a Facebook friend. Going through a second break up with her in the space of a couple of months and it sucks a bit I suppose. the next couple of weeks are going to be tough as we had planned to go away on holiday but now I'm wondering what she's doing and who she is with as her ex-husband is away for two weeks with the kids.

I guess it's probably finally over and just wanted to write it all down to get it off my chest and maybe get some advice. My head is all over the place really. Do you think she'll get back in touch with me at some point again? I don't know what I'll do if she does.

Hi Rich

I've just read your post and wanted to let you know my thoughts, and basically, I have two theories.

The first one is that she isn't sure what she wants at the moment and she is keeping her options open. The secretive messages are not a good sign and I would agree that she has been messing you around. It's also not a good sign that this is happening 6 months in, I think at this point you should still be in the 'honeymoon' phase if you truly like someone. Having said that I think she's keeping her options open, it also sounds like whilst doing this, she is waiting for the right person to come along. Please don't be disheartened but I think you may be one of the guys she's talking to and occasionally seeing who she knows isn't the right guy for her long term. It also sounds like she likes and respects you a lot as a person, hence why she doesn't want to straight up break up and not be friends. As you mention in your post, I do think she thinks of you as a good friend and doesn't want to lose that, but thinks that if she puts an end to the romantic relationship, she will lose you completely, which by the sounds of things has happened because you have deleted her on Facebook etc.
Having said this, if you do not feel you can ever just be friends with her, do not continue any kind of relationship with her unless you are truly ready to just be friends. You need to be selfish and think about yourself, focus on your needs and finding someone else who will be better suited and will give you their all.

My other theory is that she actually does like you, but is scared as maybe you aren't someone she would usually go for and is scared that things won't work out long term so doesn't want to take the risk. The reason I think this is because she does try to stay in touch with you. The fact that she said you should find someone your own age prompts me to think that she has some insecurities about herself and maybe is even concerned that she isn't good enough for you, but not wanting to put herself in a vulnerable position, she says that what you do is 'not enough'. If this is the case, I would still suggest that things should come to an end becuase you may end up never being in a stable relationship with her.

Sorry, I know the two theories are almost opposite, but maybe if you think about each one you may be able to work out which one is more true, and will help you figure out what you should do next.

34 days no contact now.

I'm guessing she's not coming back and has most likely met someone else.

I think that time, summer/school holidays. She have more time, if she really want to comeback then she will find time no matter what. But she have a hobby? or is she's busy on something aside on his kids?