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Author Topic: An awkward break-up story

January 31, 2019, 08:51:12 PM
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theboyofvesteros


Hello. Here I am with a recent break-up event. In order to make everything easier to understand the situation I would like to tell you our brief story. Btw I am from France and if you spot any grammatical or spelling mistake please forgive me...

First of all, we both are 20 years old. We had been together for about a year. And this may sound crazy or weird but we hadn't had any fights or events that caused a separation or divergence. That's why I cannot understand why this has happened to us. Because there was not any logical reason.

I had relationships before her but this was the one I cared and took seriously the most. I was the first one she loved and got into a relationship with. She is a very social girl but you know she still keeps her childish side inside. This makes her a little bit shy and less confident but also so pure and natural. So, for this reason, she loved me so freaking much but I got to know it much later since she did not wanna express her feelings. She always tried to be so nice to me and did everything for me from little to big. And after a while we started to talk and got to know each other better. This resulted in a very deep, loving relationship.

She was so lucky to have me. As I said before we did not have any fight or tension between us and we always enjoyed our time together. We used to see each other 2-3 times a week. So, in my opinion, this was pretty ideal because we could miss each other but not starve. Everything was very ideal and going perfect.

In my birthday and new year's eve, she prepared the present for me by herself. And every time (not only in presents) she put little notes on them. I also prepared her a present by myself and she really loved it. Even cried. Shortly, I was so sure about our love and the bond between us. It was so strong. She loved me so much and felt lucky, thankful about everything and so did I. I never regret it. (Btw you may think that she did the whole stuff while I was just doing nothing. That's not true. Everything was balanced and mutual. I am an emotional and careful man, I always put my love into the middle of my heart.)

So, when the problems started? Actually, I don't know exactly. But, I can say that she had been in a different mood for 2 months more or less. She was complaining about her life and routine. She was bored and unsatisfied. She did not enjoy the time at home, with her family and even with herself. She felt relaxed with me and I could not feel any stress in her when we were together. We talked about this many times. She told me that she always want to do things and conditions did not allow her to do or she was frustrated by her routine (she lives in two separate houses and always moving from one another). She said she wanted to give me more time but things did not allow her. I told her that everything was OK and I did not request or need any "extra" thing from her. Everything she does and did was more than enough for me.

Whenever she felt this way, I sent her long texts saying her that I was there for her and it was a temporary time, everything would be OK. Because that's part of life. There are times at which you feel down and there are others that you feel happier than ever before. And every time I responded her, she said that she loved me and needed me so much and was thankful to have me at this point. She even said "I cannot even put myself together but you really do and please keep on doing it because sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my head." I said that I would support her no matter what but also reminded her always that she was powerful enough to overcome everything.

We had these kind of conversations multiple times and each of them ended in a peaceful, loving agreement. She was feeling better after hearing from me and I was feeling better after making her feel better.

The problems in her head are more than I know, I'm sure. But this is the complicated part and I still could not find out what is the main issue. She was frustrated because even though she is 20, she is still dependent on her family. she does not spend much time at night or out. She told me about her family's conservator attitude. I said that she had a long life ahead of her and she was not going to stay with her family forever. What she needed was just a little bit more patience.

Like 3 weeks ago. While we were texting, she said that she felt bad that day. I asked what was wrong and she sent me a long text. In short, her problems were getting bigger and bigger and she was not capable of dealing with them especially in that time (her finals was coming up). And basically she did not want to waste my time every time she said she was feeling bad. So, what she was asking was "space" and "time" to recover everything. I said OK, even though it did not sound very appropriate for me but she said that was the only way she could feel better and fix things.

We haven't talked for 2 weeks straight. I was confused and little offended because we had not even asked ourselves how we were. For a couple that are together for 10 months and know each other in depth, this was just a little irrational. But I waited patiently for her for 2 weeks. I could not disturb her in this period because this would have made everything much worse. After 2 weeks, just as she asked me to have, I sent her a voice message. I told her that, I was curious about how she feels and how had it been. I wanted to support her once again but this was not the right thing to do. I mean to separate ourselves in hard days. I was her boyfriend and I could not be someone she would keep away in certain days like this. I explained everything, reminded her that I loved and cared her. But since I was not the responsible of her feelings now, being punished like this was not something I deserved.

She replied. I was disappointed because she could not make it to feel better. She was even worse. She said that she had passed all 2 weeks thinking about her problems and life. This must have driven her into a dead-end. She was constantly in conflict with herself. She said that "I wish I could mute my brain and keep on living like that." She said she was not okay to be with me like this. She did not want to hurt me or waste my time anymore and said if we keep going everything could get much worse in time. She wanted to break-up with me basically. But she was afraid that I would get angry and start to hate her. I said I wouldn't but this was not the only solution. I tried to relieve her and make her believe in us again. She was sure.

I said I would not do anything without seeing and talking to her face to face. At least she accepted this. When we got to see each other she hugged me. Cried on my shoulder and said "Look at us. I am the one who caused everything to get worse and worse. I feel very embarrassed because you are still so calm and understanding while I am like this. Please don't hate me. I am doing this because I love you more than anything and I know that if we move on as we are, we are going to get hurt. This is the last thing I want to do for you. I don't want you to remember me that way. At least remember every beautiful thing we have done and experienced so far." she said she was really happy to see me again and was feeling comfortable next to me but this was not going to last when she got home and stays with herself. Her brain was telling her that something was wrong. She knew that I did not do anything and I did not deserve this and she even told me that she knew she would not find anyone else to love her better than I did. However, she was afraid of the future, of what may happen. She was afraid of herself. She always blamed herself because she had turned our love into a burden and did not know how. She was the most positive and charming person I knew. That day she was still loving and charming but she was not the same person. She had lost her positive side. She was refusing to believe in life and our love. There was a barrier on her mind which blocked every beautiful possibility. That's what makes me sad about it. She maybe did not lose her love but her faith was almost gone and nothing I say could have changed it.

 I could not say anything. She was completely natural. She held my hand strong and never released it that day.

We walked to her house holding our hands tight and hugged for the last time. I just had to let her go.

Well, yeah, why the hell you broke up? This is a possible question that you may ask. Even I could not find out yet.

How do you interpret this situation? I am starting to move on but there is something inside me that is telling that we were good for each other and this was not the way it should be. It says "just wait." I don't want to wait for something that is never going to happen. Because my life keeps on going and I cannot waste my time and I know I'll be alright no matter what. Life will close the doors in order to make it possible others to open.

Thank you for your patience guys. Thanks a lot.

February 02, 2019, 02:18:24 AM
Reply #1
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Broken4now


Bless your heart!  You sound as confused as me!  I got on here to ask for advice too.

The two of you should like you had a wonderful relationship.  I wish people wouldn't clam up and not tell the real reasons or what they are thinking.  Even if it hurts, we want to know to help cope and understand.  :(

I think she really loves you but I don't understand why she's avoiding you instead of leaning on you.  Same thing here!  My boyfriend has been down lately too.  I wouldn't give up on her yet even if it hurts.  A lot of people break up and get back together.  If you move on so soon, she may think that it really didn't bother you that much.

I'm sorry I'm not better at helping.  I would reach out to her again...maybe not in words.  I am female and will tell you....if you do something like flowers, it will touch her heart.  It takes more effort than a text.  It shows thought and planning,

Good luck to you both!

 

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