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Author Topic: A Vent Post

January 21, 2020, 11:44:03 AM
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optimist_me


I'm not sure where this post would go, but this is more of a vent post than an advice-seeking post.

I've been friends with this guy for several years now (6-7 years, I believe). We've always had feelings for one another, but it never amounted to anything because one of us was always in a relationship. Recently, his wife decided she wanted to have an open marriage. She had already started dating and becoming intimate with another man. She had developed deep feelings for him.

So, my friend approached me on the idea of him and I. It took me a bit to think about it and thought we'd start it slow by having an official date and see where things lead. We had our date and things went really well. We kissed for the first time. Had a few drinks and that led to a very brief intimate session.

Things seemed to go well and everyone on the same page...until he witnessed the feelings his wife were developing for the guy she was dating. That developed rather quickly to where she was admitting she fell in love with him. They were very intimate a lot while he was visiting her. This made him (my friend) feel some kind of way because he didn't feel the same affection from her. I even found out that she's refused him intimacy for months at a time. So, he lost it when they were being intimate in the same house and room as him. He felt as if he was being replaced.

This led to complications between him and I. I pretended that it didn't affect me emotionally because at the end of the day, he was a married man. It was in the back of my mind that at the end of the day he would choose his wife. He became an emotional wreck and was venting to me the heartache and deceit he was feeling from his wife. He showed me screenshots he sent to her expressing his feelings about the whole situation, as well, as his love for her.

Seeing this made me feel indispensable. Like my feelings in it all didn't matter. I didn't expect him to "choose" me or him and I become something more. But not once was I thought about or given any consideration through this whole ordeal. Not once did he ask me how I felt. Its like he made the decisions and I just had to go along with them whether I liked it or not.

Now, as it stands, we have reverted back to being strictly friends. I have decided to take that step back and let them get back to each other and work on their marriage. But I have bottled up my emotions and feelings to stay in good graces and it's having an affect on how I view this friendship currently. I feel like I am going to become distant and I don't think things will ever be the same.

To add the cherry on the cake, him and I are supposed to be partners in a business venture, and he has asked me to mentor his wife in helping her get her passion for writing back. Since I am a published author and am doing pretty well, he thought I could help her as well. Me being the good-hearted person I am said "of course I will". Because he is also doing a lot for me in that regard.

It was a horrible idea to even attempt such a venture because at the end of the day, and when crap hits the fan and goes downhill, they will always have and choose each other, and you (the third party) will be kicked to the side and forgotten about.

 

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