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Author Topic: A guy I had a summer fling with reached out to me, now we don't talk again...

December 28, 2018, 02:37:12 AM
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Kristiechanel


Over the summer, I had a fling with a male coworker. It was my first time being involved with anyone (he was my first everything) and despite my initial hesitance, I did eventually catch feelings for him. Unfortunately, I had to go back to school, and when the time came closer he became more distant. I assumed this meant he didn't want this continue, which I understood although it hurt. When the time came for me to leave I wrote him a goodbye letter and the next day responded with a text and he wished me well.

I thought that would be the last time we would speak. It took me a while to get over that, but eventually I was able to think of him less and less. Then last week or so, I was extremely surprised to see he messaged me on Snapchat (I still had him on there but didn't watch his snaps due to fear of seeing him with someone else). He asked how I was and where I've been and we kind of just caught up a bit. I told him my semester was almost over and he got excited and alluded to seeing me. Two days later he gave me his number, (said he lost his contacts), and told me to text him.

So I did and we kind of just joked for a while. It was nice. After a bit he tells me to call him later. I did and we talked for a little while. After that he started calling me almost every day but at really late times (like 11pm-2am) which I understood since I know he works late a lot. But after the first phone call, things just felt different. He would often only talk for like 5 minutes and say he would call me back (and never do) or just seem not as interested. Again he may have been tired, but he was the one who reached out to me, so I didn't really understand.

The last time I spoke to him was last Tuesday and he hasn't called since and I didn't reach out either. I was wondering if I was wrong in not reaching out or should I just take it that he was not that interested/was bored and found someone else? I am assuming he is talking to someone else now, as I saw some suggestive things on his snapchat (which I don't watch anymore again).

I guess I got my hopes up a bit, but I really don't understand the point of reaching out and leading someone on just to stop contacting them? Or maybe I was wrong in not initiating contact as well? I honestly wasn't quite sure why he reached out to me in the first place and when I asked him why, he said he was wondering what was going on with me (I don't post a lot on social media). Should I reach out or should I just forget about him?


TL;DR A guy I had a fling with over the summer reached out to me on social media after no contact for 3 months. We talked for about a week and since last week he hasn't contacted me again. Was I wrong in not initiating contact or should I just take this as him not being that interested/finding someone else?

December 29, 2018, 02:03:29 PM
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goodevening


Over the summer, I had a fling with a male coworker. It was my first time being involved with anyone (he was my first everything) and despite my initial hesitance, I did eventually catch feelings for him. Unfortunately, I had to go back to school, and when the time came closer he became more distant. I assumed this meant he didn't want this continue, which I understood although it hurt. When the time came for me to leave I wrote him a goodbye letter and the next day responded with a text and he wished me well.

I thought that would be the last time we would speak. It took me a while to get over that, but eventually I was able to think of him less and less. Then last week or so, I was extremely surprised to see he messaged me on Snapchat (I still had him on there but didn't watch his snaps due to fear of seeing him with someone else). He asked how I was and where I've been and we kind of just caught up a bit. I told him my semester was almost over and he got excited and alluded to seeing me. Two days later he gave me his number, (said he lost his contacts), and told me to text him.

So I did and we kind of just joked for a while. It was nice. After a bit he tells me to call him later. I did and we talked for a little while. After that he started calling me almost every day but at really late times (like 11pm-2am) which I understood since I know he works late a lot. But after the first phone call, things just felt different. He would often only talk for like 5 minutes and say he would call me back (and never do) or just seem not as interested. Again he may have been tired, but he was the one who reached out to me, so I didn't really understand.

The last time I spoke to him was last Tuesday and he hasn't called since and I didn't reach out either. I was wondering if I was wrong in not reaching out or should I just take it that he was not that interested/was bored and found someone else? I am assuming he is talking to someone else now, as I saw some suggestive things on his snapchat (which I don't watch anymore again).

I guess I got my hopes up a bit, but I really don't understand the point of reaching out and leading someone on just to stop contacting them? Or maybe I was wrong in not initiating contact as well? I honestly wasn't quite sure why he reached out to me in the first place and when I asked him why, he said he was wondering what was going on with me (I don't post a lot on social media). Should I reach out or should I just forget about him?


TL;DR A guy I had a fling with over the summer reached out to me on social media after no contact for 3 months. We talked for about a week and since last week he hasn't contacted me again. Was I wrong in not initiating contact or should I just take this as him not being that interested/finding someone else?

Hey @Kristiechanel.

Can you expand on what you mean when you have had a fling with this guy? Did you have sex, kiss, hug, etc? What was the intimacy like?

Where does he live?

I think we need some more info to be able to give you a meaningful response to your situation, but if it's a case that he lives quite far away, then my fist guess would be that when he's bored, he may send a message or to, until he finds someone else that's local to give him attention.

But again, this is me speaking rubbish until I know! :) Just my opinion though.

December 29, 2018, 09:36:13 PM
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Kristiechanel


@goodevening Yeah we had sex, hugged and kissed. We only had sex and kissed a few times though, as we still both live with our parents so it was kind of hard to find time lol.

The intimacy was more emotional than physical for me, as we were always on the phone talking or texting, if we didn't see each other at work. I feel like I got to know him and really liked him.

I think he may have taken me more seriously if I didn't say I was going back to school. But I am not sure because even I didn't really communicate what I had wanted out of fear of getting rejected :(

He lives about 20 minutes from me, but I go to college and that's like 45 minutes away from where I live. Right now I am currently back home and I let him know when I was coming home but he hasn't reached out to make plans to meet up, so I am assuming he no longer cares ;/

I think he just wanted some attention honestly, which sucks but I am getting over it.

December 31, 2018, 05:49:49 PM
Reply #3
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missg


@goodevening Yeah we had sex, hugged and kissed. We only had sex and kissed a few times though, as we still both live with our parents so it was kind of hard to find time lol.

The intimacy was more emotional than physical for me, as we were always on the phone talking or texting, if we didn't see each other at work. I feel like I got to know him and really liked him.

I think he may have taken me more seriously if I didn't say I was going back to school. But I am not sure because even I didn't really communicate what I had wanted out of fear of getting rejected :(

He lives about 20 minutes from me, but I go to college and that's like 45 minutes away from where I live. Right now I am currently back home and I let him know when I was coming home but he hasn't reached out to make plans to meet up, so I am assuming he no longer cares ;/

I think he just wanted some attention honestly, which sucks but I am getting over it.

That's some unusual behaviour by him, especially as you both had some intimacy.

Sounds like he's not a nice person and is simply just looking for attention, especially if he's speaking to other people (you think) and putting out Snapchats about other women / or with other women.

What type of person is he? Is he a good-looking, popular lad?

Do you have an update since you posted this? Has he reached out again @Kristiechanel  ?

January 02, 2019, 10:19:46 AM
Reply #4
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Kristiechanel


@missg Yeah I think he was looking for attention and possibly easy sex?

I think he is good-looking and when I met him he was very confident, extraverted, and flirty. I think his confidence crosses the line to arrogance sometimes. He seems popular, as he has a good amount of friends (as I have seen from his Snapchat) but I have never been around his friend group so I don't know for sure how close he is with them. 

And a few days ago I posted a selfie on Snapchat and he commented on how I looked "bad" (aka hot). I just replied "lmao whatever" cause I was annoyed that he reached out to me in reply to my Snapchat picture after a week and a half of nothing. He seemed offended a bit and told me that it was a compliment and not to say whatever to him. I replied "Lol ok. Thank you kind sir. I do what I want." He just replied "ok" and I didn't reply after that.

Part of me felt bad that I replied that way even though I was annoyed by his behavior, and I was afraid he wouldn't try to talk to me again. But looking back on it, I don't know maybe it was a good thing. I just don't want to get hurt again.

March 13, 2019, 06:53:16 AM
Reply #5
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Z3ndaman


He was looking for attention.. don’t waste your time and move on

 

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