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Author Topic: 5 year relationship ended out of the blue... Really confusing situation

September 03, 2020, 10:29:02 AM
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Hey so I will try to keep this as SHORT as I possibly can but it's a messy situation.

Me and my Ex had been together for over 5 years. In lockdown I threw him a huge surprise party (Spent £300 on it and it was only with the 4 people in the house so we weren't breaking any lockdown rules) This was start of May. It was such an amazing night and we all loved it. Middle of June he became really snappy, really quiet and really distant. I spoke to him a lot, asked if he was okay if he wanted to talk, asked if there was a problem with us, everything. He said he just didn't feel himself and he wasn't sure why thought maybe he was just bored from lockdown. I said to him it would make sense everyone feels a bit weird through lockdown, it's quite boring but he was still working so I said if he can try be grateful for that bit of routine in his life. Anyway we had these conversations a few times and he said every time that we were fine and he just wasn't feeling himself. I bought him presents and little things to do to cheer him up but nothing seemed to be working.

End of June a house opportunity came up (We had been looking for just over a year) I spoke to him about it as they were high demand and if we wanted one we had to pay to reserve it. So I said to him if he's not ready or not feeling it and wants time to work on himself that is fine. He said no lets go for it, so I paid the £150 reservation fee. Then had a mortgage broker meeting which I had to pay £500 for. This was all my money. And I spoke to him before each of these steps because he was a bit off and didn't seem excited. I did get frustrated and said to him well look then I will cancel all this cause you clearly don't want it. To which he said 'no no I do sorry I just am trying to work out what is going on in my head.'

The Wednesday morning on my work break I have the mortgage broker meeting. All goes well all 100% approved we could afford this house. They booked us in for a house viewing the following day (Thursday) I ring him to tell him and he doesn't answer (He wasn't at work) Then I text him to let him know and he says 'oh thats good' then I said I was worried about him and really don't want him to think we have to do this. He says no sorry he's just not feeling himself again. I then sent him a big message saying how I really care about him and am worried, how if this is too much it's okay to say so it'll be fine. I say I love him so much and I just don't want him to look back at this house thing and think 'Oh I wish I got the proper excited experience' kind of thing? He read and ignored that. I got back from work and he had gone to work (I worked morning he was working late night). I spoke to his sister and her boyfriend about him, just asked if he seemed off to them and asked for a bit of support as I was worried about their mental health. They agreed he had been weird and told me I had nothing to worry about. I joked to them and said 'Knowing him he will break up with me after the house viewing tomorrow'... He text me back around 9pm that night and said sorry for not replying he just didn't know what to say but he understands what I'm saying and he loves me too.

We wake up Thursday morning and he's quiet the whole way to the house. We look around it and he says how nice it is how he really likes it and I agreed it was a lovely house and I was getting really excited. Got in the car afterwards and I said what do you think and he said 'its nice' that was it. So I said lets got get lunch (He gets really hangry and hadn't eaten) so I drove us to get food which I paid for then we sat and ate it. He mentions nothing about the house. We go home we speak to his sister and her partner then go upstairs to our room. Then he puts a film on, by this point I am getting a bit angry? Just wanted him to come out and say he didn't want the house. Then when that film finished he said should we watch another and I said yes but first we need to talk about the house situation. He then threw his phone and I said 'you don't want it do you' and he said 'no I don't want any of it I don't want to be with you anymore'. By this point I am a mess, crying sobbing, not even angry just confused. He said he still loves me so so much and he cares about me still just as much as ever but he just couldn't work out what was making him feel like rubbish and he thinks it's cause he wasn't happy with us anymore. I got angry about all the money I spent on the house thing considering it was 90% my money going towards it. I begged him I asked him so many things, maybe its lockdown? Maybe it's cause we have lived in eachothers pockets? Is there someone else? I said I should've spent lockdown with my family and his response was 'No cause then I would've been miserable on my own'. (Which to me seems like him admitting he knows we aren't the reason he is unhappy?

I had lived with him for 4 years so I had to pack up my stuff, I asked him to help me and he said it was too difficult to watch so he left the room and left me to do it myself. I physically and mentally wasn't strong enough to do it all at once so I got the important bits. We spoke the next day cause I just wanted more understanding and I was obviously just not thinking straight. I said to him how he had treated me badly the last couple of months, he never complimented me anymore he never asked how I was, nothing. and he said it was cause he couldn't handle his own 'mental shit' and it wasn't fair on me. And I said I was fine with it cause I love him and was just wanting to support him.

I then found out he had taken another girl to the beach about 2 weeks after we broke up through a mutual friend. We argued about that and he said he only took her cause she had just broken up with her boyfriend and he wanted to speak to someone who would understand him. He also said he only went cause he was so fed up of sitting at home on his own upset missing me and regretting what he did. I said he should've called me at that point to speak to me.
I know nothing is happening with them two as she is now back with that boyfriend she broke up with and my ex also promised me nothing was happening.

It's just a lot of mixed signals and to be honest going from one morning about to get a house to that evening it all gone is just a whole other type of pain.

I feel like I've messed up cause I broke no contact multiple times, once messaging him sad the next angry at him then I sent a text a few days ago apologising for handling everything so badly and I hope that he is okay. It's been nearly 2 months since the break up and I'm still hurting. It's my birthday next week and I'm so sad I don't get to see him and he probably wont even wish me a happy birthday. I am going full no contact now.

Do you think he will ever contact again? Does it sound like he's having a problem with depression? What should I do? Anyone had a similar situation? Do you think he will regret it?


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