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Author Topic: 18m broke up with 16f gf 3 months ago and am now very confused and need advice

April 27, 2019, 12:43:35 PM
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Naycal


I was with her for two and and a half years and we were each others first serious relationship, the breakup was very sudden and she gave vague reasons such as i dont feel the same way anymore but i believe she lost feelings due to needy and clingy behaviour on my part. On the day of the breakup i begged and pleaded which i now know was a bad move. I was very close to her family and they all messaged me saying how shocked and saddened they were by her decision. We also never had a major argument during this time.

After she asked for space i stopped contacting her but it only took a few days for her to message me looking for emotional support and i even picked her up to talk, during this talk she said that she may be feeling depressed and needed to sort her own head out so we could work on the relationship and that she was not sure what she wanted. This gave me a sense of hope but a few weeks later when i tried to initiate reconcilliation she said that she had to follow her gut and it wasnt what she wanted any more so i agreed with her.

I went into a two week no contact period and then sent an elephant in the room text apologising for my needy behaviour and for pushing her away, i also said i still wanted her in my life and i wanted to start over with a clean slate. She replied saying how she appreciated what i had and said, that it took balls and that she wanted to stay in touch.

After that we exchanged messaged a couple times a week with me mostly initiating and her being blunt at times.

For the last couple with weeks we have been talking almost every day, with her initiating if i dont message for a few days, during one conversation she opened up about how she has been struggling with her parents divorce and feels stuck in the middle but when i tried to talk to her about that after she said she was fine and it wasnt deep.

I believe she has been trying to make me jealous with a person from her work whos name she wont tell me , she told me she was going shopping alone with him but in the background of a post she put up on social media i could see her little sister making it clear she wasnt actually with him and when i asked a friend of mine who works with her who it could be she had no idea and it may not even be a person. She claims to constantly argue with this person and vents to me about it but just says she forgives him too easily as they have a complicated relationship, when i asked why she said i wouldnt like it and when i hinted at how i thought there might be something more than friends to their relationship she made a joke about them sleeping together then immediately deleted it and said she was kidding,  that she didnt think i was ready for that kind of banter yet, and that she could never with throwing up emojis. I responded by saying i know we arent together anymore and you can do what you want but i dont want to her that kind of thing and we carried on the conversation as normal.

Two days ago we had an hour long conversation on the phone, just catching up and joking around. She made a comment about how boys are more complicated than girls because they have no balls and dont say how they feel. Which  may have been a hint at something i am not sure.

We had a text conversation after this and she asked me if a mutual friend had told me she was playing hard to get which he hadnt done. She was switching between being blunt in the conversation and putting effort in which also confused me. After that she asked why i was making effort to continue the conversation and i said if thats how you feel then all you have to do is say, she replied with nah just saying we aint gotta talk and then carried on the conversation. She also made a comment about how i dont know her very well anymore.

After that i realised she had deleted me from snapchat the day before and now i am very confused and not sure what my next steps should be, part of me wants to call her and ask if she actually wants to remain in contact, tell her how i feel and then get on with my life whereas another  part thinks i should go back into no contact and wait for her to message me. 

Thanks in advance for any advice.

April 28, 2019, 05:35:32 AM
Reply #1
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Tamara Gibson


It appears to me that she's keeping you on the backburner in case she can't find what she's looking for. I think it's never good to switch from being a couple to being friends right away. That can never end well, since you both had feelings for each other. It only works if there was a long break (perhaps even a whole year.) If I were you I would let this go and distance yourself emotionally (and heal.) Even if she would contact me, I wouldn't just play along. I would tell her that it's better to put the breaks on being friends for now. If she still loves you and is making a serious attempt to get back with you in due time (not right away), then I'd might consider but not right away anyway. But you need to think of yourself as well. Sometimes things need time to be sorted out either way but that doesn't mean that you should give her room to walk all over you... Give yourself some time and see how you feel and don't sit around and wait. You can love someone and yet, still let them go (at least for now.)

April 28, 2019, 02:56:57 PM
Reply #2
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ihrtbsk


It sounds like she was confused when she broke up with you, maybe due to the circumstances in her life, and now regrets it and is trying to get you back. But she’s too proud to just be open with you and say it. Like the comment above me said, you should take your time and think of yourself first. Heal first. Then you can think of getting back together or not. Hope you manage to find a peaceful solution to this, friend.

 

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