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Author Topic: You feel like you're not being loved enough by your partner

February 23, 2020, 11:03:44 PM
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bluemoon


Hi there!

Do you feel like you're not receiving enough love from your partner/boyfriend? Do you get insecure most of the time,
especially when you are away from each other? Have you thought that you are not being treated the way you want to be treated?
Are you at that point wherein one more mistake might push you over the edge and burst out your anger on him?

Don't worry, this is not a promotional text. I just want to help my fellow ladies because you might not be thinking right and might end
up breaking your relationship carelessly.

My boyfriend and I just broke up. I was so devastated for a couple of days not because I regret leaving the memories and all that we invested in the relationship behind, but because I truly loved him and I know I won't be able to get over him. I know I am bullshit. Because if I truly loved him, I wouldn't do anything to make him leave me and I wouldn't let him go and try to fix this with him instead. I did. Or so I thought I did. But I messed up. I admit to my mistakes as his girlfriend.

Most of the times, we thought that we aren't receiving enough love from our boyfriend. Or we are not loved the way we wanted to be loved by that specific person. Or perhaps he's not paying attention to you when you need it the most. And when you try to ask for some love and attention, it just made him drift away from you more. But the truth is, he really loves you, although not enough to be totally obsessed and crazy over you. Men will never change just because they love us. You must remember that. Like us, women, men have "codes" too. They are not just simple beings. They get hurt too. They have their own opinion, passion in life, and hobbies. They might be silent most of the times but they are just being considerate of our feelings and don't want to hurt us with words. But please remember, if he really is not treating you right and causes you to emotionally abuse yourself, or he himself is abusing you physically or emotionally, then it is best for you to let him go. Endure the pain. Forget the negative experience but keep the lesson and learn from it to grow as a new person.

I am currently reflecting on my relationship with this boyfriend. I still love him but I know enough to not beg for him to come back. I have also listed a few weaknesses we had in our relationship:
1. We didn't express our needs properly. (There were times when we are upset about something but didn't talk about it so as not to ruin the mood. But this just made every argument pile up until frustration led us to a bigger conflict)

2. It became a one-sided manipulation. (In this case, it was me manipulating him.)

3. Respect was often neglected. (I know that we were silly beings, we often made jokes and laugh together. But often times, the jokes would go too far and one of us would get offended. Calling names have been a habit too. It was normal for us but sometimes it's just doesn't feel nice.)

4. We blamed each other when problems arise.

5. Without noticing it, I made him responsible for my emotions. (When I feel down, I would think that he should make me happy. When I am upset or depressed, I become careless with my use of words and release all my anger on him.)


And these are the possible solutions I could think of on each weakness:
1. Have an honest conversation with him and open up needs in a gentle and sweet way. (Although I failed to do this and just blurted out everything while blaming him. So please do the right thing!)

2. Remember: An apology without change is just manipulation. (He knew it too. That I believe he wouldn't leave me whatever the case is. But he did. So the joke is on me.) Instead of just apologizing, remind yourself to be careful with your words and actions to avoid irrational mistakes and regrets. Think before you talk. Also, all women have mood swings, that is a common knowledge. But please do your best to control it. Because men hate it when that messed up mood of yours is fluctuating always. (I know I am a toxic person. I made it seem like I am the victim by saying he didn't love me enough and complaining each time I am upset. But toxic people need love too. You just have to know how to love them right and encourage them to be a better person.)

3. See him as someone strong and reliable, but remember that he has weaknesses too and instead of criticizing them, try to support him at all times. Respect him as your partner and believe in his words. ALSO, respect yourself. Be the person that is worthy of respect. Being silly together is nice but know your boundaries.

4. When there is a problem, REMEMBER: HE IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. You and him must face the problem together and come up with the best solution after talking it out, CALMLY. (Men have feelings too. Try not to criticize their every move. They don't need a police officer or a behavior management officer to keep them right.)

5. You are responsible for your own emotions. You are not broken inside that he has to complete you. You should be complete by yourself and remember that you have to be a better person for yourself, not for him. Don't be too harsh on yourself. It's okay to feel sad at times, but don't stay sad. Do things that makes you happy. It's not you. You're just having bad days.


These are just some of my reflection. But I hope they were able to help you. Be nice to each other and appreciate every moment with your loved ones. Don't just waste your relationship by being upset on things happening in your day.

Don't be like me. I realized it too late that he was always there supporting a girl like me, who has anxiety and depression. But you cannot heal by making the other person responsible for your healing process. I should've have appreciated him and not took him for granted.

I'm sorry for everything, my love. But please don't stay angry with me forever. Breathe now and do what you must do. Thank you for everything. And sorry for being a shitty person.

Love lots.

 

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