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Author Topic: Why would a guy I like vanish after we became close?

June 26, 2020, 04:45:52 PM
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A few months ago, I have seen a guy for a few weeks, that I had known and really liked in the past. We met 5 years ago when we were students.
Back then, he was in a relationship that he was not so excited about anymore. But nothing happened. We never confessed our mutual interest to each other. I was inexperienced. I didn’t know how to reciprocate, and he never said, “I like you.” He was sometimes passive agressive or hot and cold. We were both very clumsy about this. I moved to a different town and he vanished, and we didn’t talk for years. I had never forgotten about him.

We saw each other again months ago: we still got along, and the sparkle came back. One night, we kissed. We were both being single, we wanted to see if something could happen today between us. I must admit I was excited about it. But I was still hurt and confused about how he had treated me in the past and disappeared.

We discussed what had happened years ago. He asked if I felt able to be comfortable with him today. I said I didn’t know. I think I needed time, we hadn’t seen each other for nearly five years. I was scared I was not his type of girl and vice versa. We are very different, and I told him.

He seemed a bit annoyed and said it was too early to worry about that, and I should trust my instinct. I went with it. I wanted to try, but he was not very warm and not very talkative between dates. Sometimes I found him disagreeable : he'd arrive late sometimes at dates, or answer the phone while being with me.  He would be a bit critical and sarcastic with me also... Maybe it is his humor or his way to protect himself when he is uncomfortable, but it made me feel insecure. I needed to feel like he was taking me seriously, and he would be kinder and more consistent this time.

We were still really getting along, we only went on five dates, but we’d talk a lot and walk for hours. The physical chemistry was great (for me, at least). We’d kiss for 20 minutes straight. A week before he left, we had heavy petting one evening, for 2 or 3 hours. He left at 3 or 4 am. He didn’t write to me the day after. It confused me. He had to work. I sent him a text saying I hoped he wasn’t too exhausted. He said he was far from regretting what had happened.

Then, a week later, we had sex, and then he seemed to pull away.

I have stopped initiating contact now, and he hasn’t tried to contact me. It hurts me, and I am confused. I find it douchy. Why would he come back after years to disappear again like that? How would you react?

Any opinion would be welcome.

June 29, 2020, 09:43:51 AM
Reply #1


Kinda the same situation I been dealing with. Sucks and hurts. It is possible he thought there was a connection but didn't really feel it, or he is scared. But what I am coming to terms with, if he really wants to be with you, he would make the effort.

June 29, 2020, 07:03:17 PM
Reply #2


I dated this guy in the summer of 2019
I thought we were clicking it was love
basically, he even said I love you on our 1st date. I really thought he had serious intentions for me but then he started acting distant making excuses every time I thought I was paranoid until the day I finally told him how I felt and he told me he didn't feel the same and that hurt me. What I learned about these men it's just an in the moment experience it doesn't mean anything the minute he starts being distant that's the time you should say "bye" "deuces"

June 29, 2020, 07:07:04 PM
Reply #3


Hi nat,

I think you invested a lot more, than he would. I think you are waiting for someone who treat you like a person and want to feel love, but you don't have this with him. You probably won't have. I suggest you, you move on from this guy.

You tried and did what you wanted and see how it goes.

We don't know for sure what happened is his head, he pulled away.

      Wish you the best in your future relationships,
Live. Just live.

July 01, 2020, 03:39:53 AM
Reply #4


This may be interesting if you are trying to improve relationship: https://bit.ly/2VzmNXf


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